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  1. #1
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    Apr 2010
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    Default Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    State: CA


    My fiance and I are planning on getting married before I join the Navy. She has a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship, though they were never married. The 3 of us have been living together as a family for the last 7 years. When her daughter was 4, she was awarded custody by the court and a visitation agreement was arranged that gave the father visitation every other weekend, every other major holiday and about half of the summer.


    After I join the Navy, I'll be stationed at a base that may very well be out of the state, or possibly the country. The father takes advantage of his visitation rights, but he does not pay any child support. How difficult will it be to relocate given the fact that the current visitation agreement (every other weekend) will not work if we wind up out of state?



    He has never been a joy to deal with. In fact, we offered the current visitation schedule many times only to have him decline it before making us take it to court, and he ended up with the same thing anyway. My guess is that he will fight it if he can.


    We currently have her enrolled in private school, something we would like to continue. I am currently unemployed and looking for work and having a hard time keeping up the tuition payments on my fiance's salary. In the part of California we live in, jobs are very scarce and the military would provide financial and educational benefits for all 3 of us.

    What types of information does the court take into consideration when deciding whether or not to allow the relocation of a child out of state. Would arranging the summer visitation make up for the removal of weekend visitation?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    The answers haven't changed since you asked the question elsewhere.

    We established that there has never been an order of child support so his lack of support will NOT be held against him - put that one out of Mom's mind right now.

    And, we know that Dad DOES has a relationship with his child, hence the chances of Mom getting permission to leave the country WITH the child are slim to none.

    If Mom wants to move the child out of state, she will not only need to show that the move is in the child's best interests (ie, not hers and yours - and again, you're a legal stranger to this child and you're not even married to Mom yet), but that she is willing and able to offer a VERY generous long distance visitation plan and that she's willing to bear the cost of ALL transportation costs back and forth to Dad's.

    Mom has the option of switching custody to Dad, which would allow her to travel back and forth with you.

    Dad will be free to contest relocation/s and it sounds like that's what he's going to do.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Why are you responding to my post? Go somewhere and bother someone else. Suggesting that moving out of state is good for my fiance and I and somehow her daughter takes a back seat only makes you more of a schmuck. You don't know a thing about us. Everything I do is with their best interest in mind. The reason for joining the Navy, is because I belive it gives the THREE OF US the opportunity for the best life possible. If that is what the judge considers, I'm fine with that. Given the choice between our situation and her fathers, the judge would be dumb not to allow the move. Again, not that I have to justify myself to you. You obviously cannot give objective advice, and in fact you are rude. Go be a malcontent on someone else's thread.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    35,894

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Quote Quoting 49erFann
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    Why are you responding to my post? Go somewhere and bother someone else. Suggesting that moving out of state is good for my fiance and I and somehow her daughter takes a back seat only makes you more of a schmuck.
    You completely misunderstood what I said, didn't you?


    You don't know a thing about us. Everything I do is with their best interest in mind. The reason for joining the Navy, is because I belive it gives the THREE OF US the opportunity for the best life possible. If that is what the judge considers, I'm fine with that. Given the choice between our situation and her fathers, the judge would be dumb not to allow the move. Again, not that I have to justify myself to you. You obviously cannot give objective advice, and in fact you are rude. Go be a malcontent on someone else's thread.

    Here's the thing. The courts will not care about what is best for you and Mom. It cares about the welfare of the child, and frankly her ongoing relationship with her father is going to be a critical issue. As you have been told Mom will absolutely NEED to offer very generous alternate parenting time AND bear the cost of visitation.

    Look. I'm a step-parent, as well as a parent. Being a step is the hardest job I've ever had and probably ever will, because while my job is to love the skids and their Daddy, and cherish them all, I have to know when to sit back and shut up. It's frustrating at times, and it's even more frustrating to be told by A JUDGE that my place is to remain in the background, but it is what it is. However it'd be far worse to be told that, for example, custody is about to be changed because a stepparent (and you're not that yet, remember) is trying to be New Mom or New Dad.

    Dad obviously has a current, consistent and ongoing relationship with his child - and that is what the courts will look at. Relocating a child outside of the other parent's locale is difficult at the best of times and when it is it's often because the other parent is (for example) absent, inconsistent or just doesn't contest the move.

    I'm sorry you're not liking what you're being told here but the law is quite clear - Dad has rights and if he contests the relocation he may well be successful.

    Have your fiancee speak with an attorney if you wish - she'll be told the same thing.

    If calling me names helps you, that's fine.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
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    2,773

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Quote Quoting 49erFann
    View Post
    Why are you responding to my post? Go somewhere and bother someone else. Suggesting that moving out of state is good for my fiance and I and somehow her daughter takes a back seat only makes you more of a schmuck. You don't know a thing about us. Everything I do is with their best interest in mind. The reason for joining the Navy, is because I belive it gives the THREE OF US the opportunity for the best life possible. If that is what the judge considers, I'm fine with that. Given the choice between our situation and her fathers, the judge would be dumb not to allow the move. Again, not that I have to justify myself to you. You obviously cannot give objective advice, and in fact you are rude. Go be a malcontent on someone else's thread.
    Dogmatique is correct.

    Quite often people don't like the answers they are given, but it does not make that answer wrong.

    Since you apparently do not want to hear what anyone has to say unless it is what you want to hear, the only advice left to give you is for your fiance to speak to a local attorney.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    If you had put it that way the first 3 times you responded to my post, I wouldn't have taken exception. Obviously, I know that I'm not yet married to her mother. My question was forward looking. When I do get married to my fiance, her daughter then becomes my stepdaughter. Will a judge deny a relocation simply because there is another parent in the equation? I have to go where the Navy sends me, and my wife and stepdaughter will be part of that scenario. Would it not be in the best interest of the child to stay with the mother she has lived with all of her life even if it's in another state? Or would a judge rule that because her dad has weekend visitation, I'd have to leave my wife and stepdaughter in California. Which is better for the child in your opinion?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Quote Quoting 49erFann
    View Post
    If you had put it that way the first 3 times you responded to my post, I wouldn't have taken exception. Obviously, I know that I'm not yet married to her mother. My question was forward looking. When I do get married to my fiance, her daughter then becomes my stepdaughter. Will a judge deny a relocation simply because there is another parent in the equation? I have to go where the Navy sends me, and my wife and stepdaughter will be part of that scenario. Would it not be in the best interest of the child to stay with the mother she has lived with all of her life even if it's in another state? Or would a judge rule that because her dad has weekend visitation, I'd have to leave my wife and stepdaughter in California. Which is better for the child in your opinion?

    Honestly?

    What's best for the child is that she has consistent and frequent contact with BOTH parents.

    You marrying Mom shouldn't interfere with Dad's parenting time, y'know?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Florida
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    2,773

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Quote Quoting 49erFann
    View Post
    If you had put it that way the first 3 times you responded to my post, I wouldn't have taken exception. Obviously, I know that I'm not yet married to her mother. My question was forward looking. When I do get married to my fiance, her daughter then becomes my stepdaughter. Will a judge deny a relocation simply because there is another parent in the equation? I have to go where the Navy sends me, and my wife and stepdaughter will be part of that scenario. Would it not be in the best interest of the child to stay with the mother she has lived with all of her life even if it's in another state? Or would a judge rule that because her dad has weekend visitation, I'd have to leave my wife and stepdaughter in California. Which is better for the child in your opinion?

    Legally, step parents are not considered to be a parent of the step-child.

    Please, have your fiance get a consult with a local attorney, because she really needs to understand the legal aspects of what constitutes the best interest of a child. (basically, it's not near as simple, or cut and dried as you think).

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Xena, there is a long story behind the exchange between Dogmatique and I. It goes beyond this post. I am happy to listen to any answers that people give so long as they don't make character judgements about me or my family and that their answers are intending to help, not harass or abuse.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
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    2,773

    Default Re: Joining Military and May Need to Move Out of State

    Quote Quoting 49erFann
    View Post
    Xena, there is a long story behind the exchange between Dogmatique and I. It goes beyond this post. I am happy to listen to any answers that people give so long as they don't make character judgements about me or my family and that their answers are intending to help, not harass or abuse.

    I'll probably read the whole thing on the other site when I log in there.

    But, it doesn't change the legal realities, that your fiance really needs to speak to an attorney.

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