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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    3

    Default Does Money Play a Big Part in Custody Determination

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia

    We have yet to go to court but my ex feels that he is "more likely" to get custody of our infant (less than 1 yr old) because he makes more money than I do. He keeps threatening to take him from me if I do anything he doesn't like. For the past few months the ex has been going out all night (not returning until 6am or later), which actually caused ME to lose my job because of day care issues. He does not help at all with our child (we still live together unfortunately), I am 100% responsible for the baby as well as housework and working full time. I feed, wash, cloth, diaper the baby as well as take baby to appts and out to play. When I was looking for work, my ex would not even buy food for the house or the baby so I had to apply for WIC just to make sure I could feed him. I constantly had to borrow money for diapers and wipes from my family because he wouldn't buy it when I'd ask him to. Now that I am working again, I am the one buying it all. He constantly goes out of state to visit his family but never brings the baby or even offers. If he is out all night he will not answer phone calls from me, not knowing if I am calling with an emergency about the baby or not... He literally has put the baby on the floor and screamed "SHUT UP!!!" at him when he doesn't know what he wants. I am scared to death of him losing his temper and hurting him if he doesn't know what he wants.

    Honestly, does he have more of a chance of getting him because he makes more money than I do even though I am his primary caregiver?? I know in today's world the court doesn't automatically look to the mother and it scares me to death

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    424

    Default Re: Does Money Play a Big Part in Custody Determination

    Ex-boyfriend or ex-husband?

    Why are you still living together?

    How did you get WIC? They would have counted his income since you live together.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Does Money Play a Big Part in Custody Determination

    I'm sorry I didn't clarifiy-- he is my legally my husband, we're legally married still. Not separated or divorced yet.

    We live together because he will not let me leave. I have tried to move out several times but he tells me I can't take the baby and I will not leave my baby no matter way so I stay. Sometimes he says that I can leave and take the baby with me, but when I start to pack he flips out and screams at me that I can go but the baby has to stay. He will not move out either. Legally we're both on the lease. He has tried to "kick me out" several times (once was actually this morning) but legally he can't because (as I said) we're both on the lease and I will never leave my son

    I applied for WIC using his income and was approved because he doesn't make very much money either, so based on one income they did approve us. I haven't rec'd a paycheck from my new job yet but once I do I plan to cancel WIC when I can pay for the baby's food.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Does Money Play a Big Part in Custody Determination

    Wanted to add some more...

    my ex-husband also keeps saying he is planning to move to another state (over 5 hours away) in about 5 months (his home state). If I agreed to joint custody and he moved would I be able to take him back to court to have it changed to me having custody so I'd be able to get child support? If the judge knows he is planning to leave VA would he be less likely to grant joint custody?

    I should mention he already has a child in the other state that he doesn't have custody of and sees maybe 2 times a year, so I don't have high hopes that he will see our child often either.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Does Money Play a Big Part in Custody Determination

    You have several options. You could remain in the house and file for divorce. I would not do that, personally, but to each their own...

    If there's any evidence of domestic violence, you could file an injuction, or restraining order (whatever it's called in your state) and ask that you and the baby be allowed to stay in the house. The judge could require your husband to move out, whether or not his name is on the lease. He would have to have a police officer present while packing his things.

    You could move out of the house. If you did this, you should take your things while he's at work or otherwise not at home. You could also contact your local police department, say that you plan to move out of your home, state that you fear for your safety, and ask them to send an officer to monitor your packing. I've lived in towns where the police would be happy to do this because it prevents domestic violence, But I've also lived in towns where the police would not have been happy to do this. In any event, it's a nonemergency request, so be prepared to wait a long time before anyone responds. I would not let your husband know that a police officer is on his way and you are planning on leaving. Then go through the tough process of working with your landlord to get your name off the lease.

    This is the meanest thing you could do: Take the baby to another state where you have family and file for divorce so that the divorce would be in that state's jurisdiction. File for temporary needs so that he would have both child support and long distance visitation set up. Make sure it's a state that will allow you to do it. For example, California requires you to be a resident for at least 6 months before filing for divorce. This is an option, but it is very, very mean. I mainly state it only as a warning so that you realize that unless you act now, he has every right to grab your child, move to this other state, and then file for divorce there.

    As for the money issue, at my law office there's a paralegal who represented herself in a divorce case against her husband, who is a lawyer. The judge already had a passing professional familiarity with her husband, which might have worked in her favor. Their case went all the way to trial. Her husband actually told the judge that she didn't make enough to raise their children. The judge chuckled and responded that he would just have to give her more child support to make up for that. Then the judge ordered child support to be increased by 5% from what it would have been under the child support guidelines. I'm not saying this is what would happen to you. It's more like an anecdotal scenario.

    Approximately 90% of all Petitions for the Dissolution of Marriage are filed by women. This is because they stand to gain more (child support, establishing their home as the primary residence, etc.). So put your mind at ease, take a deep breath, and just get the ball rolling.

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