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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    4

    Question Son May Live with Father; Child Support Modification

    My question involves child support in the State of: Tennessee

    I have full custody of our 2 sons, ages 14 and 17. (My ex also has an 11 year old daughter from his 2nd marriage; he has joint custody of her.)

    My ex-husband is wanting to have his child support modified because our youngest son, who is 14, has stayed with him 3 out of the last 4 weeks. (They go hunting and fishing after school, etc.) My ex says this constitutes as our son "living with him". This son has not decided if he wants to live with his dad full time, me full time, or split 50/50 (every other week). My ex is trying to bully me into writing a letter to the local child support office stating that our son now lives with him (this in order to start the process for modification of support. He says he 'needs' the money and 'needs' it to stop being taken out of his check every week as soon as possible). I am unwilling to do that until our son makes up his mind as to what he wants to do. My ex says if I don't write the letter, he will do it the 'hard way' - which I guess means get a lawyer and take me to court. In the 13 years since our divorce became final, he has never gotten the boys consistently, as allowed by the divorce papers (every other weekend, three weeks in the summer, etc.). He has never paid child support according to what was set in our divorce papers and is currently approximately $2500.00 in arrears (he didn't pay anything for almost a year). He is supposed to pay all medical which is not covered by insurance as well as carry them on his insurance - both things he has not done (he, at one time, paid their medical but has never paid the non-covered liabilities). I never pushed these issues as I'd rather deal with my ex as little as possible. According to the last wage assessment sheets drawn up a year ago, we sit at a 57% (me) to 43% (him) ratio...these numbers are based on a lesser paying job than he currently has now. He has stated on several occassions that if child support wasn't automatically being taken from his paycheck, "I wouldn't see a dime from him."

    Here are the scenarios I am looking at and need answered please:

    A. Will I be required to give up full custody?
    B. If the youngest son chooses to live with his dad full time, will child support be null and void (neither of us pay) since one son lives with me and one with him? Will my ex then be responsible for paying tuition to keep our son in the city school system? (I live in the city, ex does not.) Will I then have to pay him child support for the youngest, once our oldest son turns 18 and "ages out"? Also, in TN, does he have to pay CS up until the age of 18 or upon High School graduation? (or is that contingent with whatever was drawn up in the divorce papers?)
    C. If my son chooses to live with us both 50/50, how is support affected? Tuition?
    D. At my son's age (14), does it do me any good to fight to keep him in my home? Is it his choice no, matter what? My ex lives with his mother and stepfather; he does not pay rent or any living expenses that I am aware of....my sons do not have their own bed or room to sleep in when they do visit (nor does their half sister). My ex has also been violent to me and our oldest son in the past (oldest son and his dad rarely speak due to this)...the police, both city and county, have been involved. My youngest son also made the statement to me that "if his dad didn't have to pay child support, he could afford to 'live'"...wonder where he heard that from?? (can grounds be made that he is somehow unfit?)
    E. If he does get a lawyer and we go to court, can any of the past issues be brought into play now? (non payment of their non-covered medical expenses - I have 13 years of receipts!, not paying what the divorce papers stated he had to, etc.)
    F. If there is anything I have not asked about, but should be aware of, please let me know.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and hopfully reply; and apologies for it being so lengthy.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Son May Live with Father; Cs Modification

    One quick question - why are you allowing your child to choose where he lives?

    He doesn't get to make this decision. While his wishes may - should dad file to modify custody - be considered, your son ain't going to be deciding. This should be between you and Dad.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Son May Live with Father; Cs Modification

    I don't want him living there but other than forcing him to leave, and more than likely involving the police when I do, what choice do I have? Unless or until we go to court? My ex has led me to believe it is our son's choice due to his age & there's nothing I can do about it and he isn't going to "make him come home". The announcement that our son was "now going to live with him" came a week ago, out of the blue - from my ex-husband. My son has stayed this long because he can go hunting, fishing - all those things he likes to do - and can't do as readily at my house - after school. I talk to my son daily and ask if he is coming home, but they always "have plans" that my son is excited about. Do I make my son come home now, if it is against his wishes and risk alienating him? I don't know what all my ex has put in his head, but he and I do not agree on much of anything...and he is unwilling to work with me. He "enjoys" the fact that our son is there and not with me...he has said as much. I want us three to sit down, air it all out and make a rational, non-heated decision. My son is in agreement to that, but the ex? - not so much.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Son May Live with Father; Cs Modification

    Quote Quoting tnexhater
    View Post
    I don't want him living there but other than forcing him to leave, and more than likely involving the police when I do, what choice do I have? Unless or until we go to court? My ex has led me to believe it is our son's choice due to his age & there's nothing I can do about it and he isn't going to "make him come home". The announcement that our son was "now going to live with him" came a week ago, out of the blue - from my ex-husband. My son has stayed this long because he can go hunting, fishing - all those things he likes to do - and can't do as readily at my house - after school. I talk to my son daily and ask if he is coming home, but they always "have plans" that my son is excited about. Do I make my son come home now, if it is against his wishes and risk alienating him? I don't know what all my ex has put in his head, but he and I do not agree on much of anything...and he is unwilling to work with me. He "enjoys" the fact that our son is there and not with me...he has said as much. I want us three to sit down, air it all out and make a rational, non-heated decision. My son is in agreement to that, but the ex? - not so much.
    This is where you need to be the parent hon - seriously. Get your son, and bring him home.

    YOU are the parent here - not your son. Your ex is out of line for encouraging him, but frankly you don't need to be sitting down with your son and your ex...you need to be sitting down with your ex.

    Honestly, your son will get over this. Allow him to start making decisions like this now, and you're sending him a message that not only is it ok to overrule parental decisions, but that it's also ok to ignore a court order.

    (you said you have FULL custody, correct? That's a court order. Not a court suggestion )

    There is only ONE state in this entire nation which will allow a teen to actually choose where he wants to reside - and it ain't Tennessee.

    Now if you choose to modify the arrangement, that's another matter entirely. If you do allow your son to live with Dad, then yes, custody should be modified and child support adjusted accordingly.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Son May Live with Father; Cs Modification

    Thank you.

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