My Ex Owes Me Money and Has Refused to Pay, and I Have a Plan to Get the Money

[some person]

I just broke up with my GF and she has moved out of my apartment. In the six months she had lived with me, we were under verbal agreement that we would split the rent. I pay $270 per month and she pay $270 a month. Upon leaving she has refused to pay her final month's rent in spite of me. Well, I talked to my uncle who is an attorney and he says that unfortunatly verbal agreements don't hold up in small claims court in my state, so I can't sue her. But, there's another oppurtunity:

Tomarrow she comes by to get the rest of her things. Last month she purchased a laptop costing roughly a thousand dollars. She is also notorious for not backing up her files, so all her important documents are on a flash drive which is connected to the computer as we speak. What I'd like to do is withhold that laptop until cash payment is received. (If I put it in my bank account, she can prove what I did.)

My buddy has agreed to help me on this. It will be held at the house of a friend whom she does not know, and if she goes to the police I'll say I don't know what shes talking about and ask them if they wish to search my house. I give her a due date, and if she hasn't paid by then, the laptop is sold for collection of unpaid rent and I split the money with my friend for his trouble.

Could I do this?

[Mr. Knowitall]

I'm not sure what state we're talking about. I'm not aware of any state in which an oral agreement between occupants of a lease to split rent costs isn't enforceable. Perhaps your uncle means that all she has to do is deny it and, with no track record of her having paid, a court is likely to find that you didn't meet your burden of proof? We can only guess.

In any event, since your uncle is a lawyer in your state, I suggest that you ask him if stealing somebody's computer is legal in your state. I expect he'll answer "no". Then you can ask him if lying to the police, when they're looking for property reported as stolen and you have that property in your actual or constructive possession, is legal in your state. I expect he'll again answer "no". Then you can ask him if hiding evidence from the police, when they're investigating the report of a crime, is legal in your state. Any guesses as to how I expect he'll answer? And again, in relation to selling stolen property?

Seriously, get a better plan.