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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    2

    Default Moving Children Out of State

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan

    Hello,

    I am currently in the State of California, but my case is in Oakland County Michigan.
    I went through divorce and it was finalized Jan 09. I have 4 children ages 10,8,6,3. Joint custody with my ex.

    I was a stay at home mom while I was married to my Ex. He was an IT manager making 85k a year. He lost his job back in Feb of 09, and has been on unemployment even since.

    Jobs were bad in Michigan, the only one I found in 8 months, paid 8.00/hr with about 24 hrs a week.
    I ended up losing my apartment I had with my children just two months before my lease was up because I couldnt pay. My ex now has the children and has been living with his parents in Clawson since Aug 09. I couldnt bring them out here.

    I have a BF of 1 1/2 years out here, but he has a 1 bedroom condo, which he is looking getting a larger place so that we can bring the kids out here. He currently makes 85k a year, with a very secure job.

    I had no family, and there was no state help to help me stay in Michigan for school, this was my only option to get through school so that I could support my kids with a decent income. I am currently only 11 weeks away from graduating Medical Assisting School.

    I want to know, what I need to do to bring my kids out here to live. There are better job oppertunities, better pay out here, as well as the fact that my Boyfriend has a job that is very stable.

    Currently My ex and I have Joint custody, and when I return to Michigan we are supposed to have 50/50 physical custody. But he has yet to find a job and a place to live. My kids are all in the same bedroom, because his parents home is a 3 bedroom.

    My ex tried to take advantage of the situation back in July 09 of last year, knowing I was losing the Apartment, and tried to take full custody. I was told by a lawyer that his situation was slightly better and that the courts would favor him, so we agreed on something outside of the courts, but with a judges signature. That would be him having physical custody while I am going to school, both having joint custody, and sharing physical once I was established back in Michigan.

    The attorney told me at the time that if my boyfriend and I were married I would have no issues getting the kids out here with me. We didnt want to push marriage just for custody.

    But now we have been talking about getting married, and plan on it.

    My ex has decided to allow everyone to believe I left my kids for a boyfriend. The kids teachers, principle and psychologist. He knows this isnt true, knows this was the only place I could go. I had to talk with each one of them seperatly and explain what was going on ( teachers, psychologist). I didnt even know my son Kevin was seeing a psychologist untill my ex told me he was having abandonment issues.This isnt true, the issues my son has been having ( behavioral ) are the exact same he has had since he was in preschool. I have been telling my ex to get him the evaluations for Asperger's but he has not. My son was supposed to be evaluted in his old school district this year, but is in a new district. My ex has also been telling my family I never try to contact my children. This isnt true, I got my kids a cell phone so that they could call me whenever they wanted, we had webcam set up for a while. I send my ex a new webcam back in Jan, but he has yet to set it up. This is in the court order that he allows the kids to see me on webcam. Ive called many many times and dont get through to my kids. Their cell phone is shut off, or my ex does not answer his phone. When I do get through, a majority of the time he is headed out the door, or the kids are busy and he doesnt want to bother them. When I had physical custody, I had to call him many times to communicate with the children, but the arrangement worked out fairly well, he came and got them nearly every weekend, and he knew anytime he wanted to see the kids during the week he could.

    He has never been through divorce, I did when I was 9. My mom ended up 1500 miles away from me and my 4 brothers, so Im very aware of how things are perceived by my children.

    Im looking at about 4-5 months left out here before I can return to Michigan. My Boyfriend cannot get out there untill at least the following spring. I keep hearing that there are no jobs in Michigan. I think the best way to provide a stable life for my kids is to bring them out here to California. I honestly believe that with my ex having nothing in Michigan that he would follow, we have even offered to allow him a place to stay out here while he looked for a job, knowing money is an issue. My choice is not to have the kids away from either parent. I dont prefer the summer visitations, I know other arrangements would be better for them.

    Thank you for your time. I apologize if I seem a little all over, trying to get the information out. Any advice on what I should do? Ive contacted a lawyer through email for advice, but haven't heard back yet.
    There is a big time issue here, My school is almost finished, and I have to make decisions on where I am going to try and look for work.

    Thank you again.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Moving Children Out of State

    Dad currently has status quo on his side - to change physical custody at this point you'd generally need to show a change in THEIR circumstances (not yours or Dad's).

    If the kids are doing well at Dad's, I'm afraid your chances might be very slim indeed.

    Please keep contacting attorneys.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Moving Children Out of State

    Can someone give me advice on what To Do to make my chances the best possible?

    I don't want my kids growing up crammed into one bedroom, 4 of them 3 boys and a girl. Especially when I know They can have more of what they deserve out here.

    Their father has no been complying very well with the Court order on allowing the kids ample time with me. I have ph records to prove that I call many many times and dont get through, and when I do its very short, usually 5-10 min max for all 4 children.

    He is omiting information with their teachers and principle and has allowed them to believe that I ran away to california, with no intentions of returning.
    He did this with a psychologist ( my oldest sons) as well, which is why Im assuming he is seeing one in the first place. My ex is playing the Poor father pity card, wife ran off and left me with 4 kids to raise.

    I need constructive information on how to go about this. Not really opinions on how hard it will be, I already know it isn't a slam dunk and 50/50 at best, but I have to try.

    My ex is one of the nightmare ex's who makes the other parent look bad, and implies to everyone the worst to make himself look better. I assure my children as much as I can that I will be getting them soon, that mommy isnt going to be away much longer. They know, because I tell them that Im out here for school. I keep them updated on how much longer I have.

    Is the best option to go back to Michigan and try to re-establish residence with the kids first, and then attempt to mve them out here.

    Their circumstances are changed, we lived in an upscale neighborhood in troy, Mi. Now they are in one bedroom. This was supposed to be a temporary situation. Im in a race now to get a good job before my ex does.

    Once he is away from his parents home it will be a different story, he has his parents to take care of the kids. He doesn't tolerate them by himself very well for very long. I used to have to beg him to call the kids more often, and come and see them even when it wasn't his weekend, for special functions.

    I almost think once he is out on his own with the kids it will take care of it'self, because he isn't going to enjoy the actual work that goes into taking care of four kids without help.

    I know that if I got them out here, I will be able to provide for them, they will have a home with enough rooms for them, no more foodstamps, and government insurance.

    Back in Michigna, it will take longer without my boyfriends income, I wont be able to afford much on my own, besides the fact that Im worried about available jobs.

    Someone please help and give me an idea of what I should do..

    Thank you
    Momof4

    As a note, we have equal physical custody, and if anything , if he didnt move to California, he could get the summers and christmas vacations.. His parenting time would not change much from what it will be once im back in Michigan if thats the route Im going to take.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    256

    Default Re: Moving Children Out of State

    1. Why would you assume that dad would want to move out to California? It seems that he's got a solid family support system where he is right now. The job market is tough in Michigan, but it's tough all over right now and California has sky high unemployment rates as well.

    2. You're talking about "more of what they deserve" but right now it seems that albeit they have cramped living quarters with their father and their grandparents, presumably these people love and care for them. The only thing it sounds as if they're lacking is having both parents around. Courts aren't going to award custody based on who has the better job, etc.. Out of curiosity, are you paying child support right now? If they're on food stamps and government assistance and your ex has full physical custody right now, the state *could* turn to you for reimbursement. Just an FYI.

    3. If you want to keep up on what's happening with the children in school, CONTACT the school and explain the situation yourself. Talk to their teachers & counselors to see how they're doing with their studies. This can all be done through email.

    4. Almost ALL ex spouses think that their ex is a "nightmare ex" so that's rather irrelevant. If he's in violation of a court order for maintaining contact, file a motion for contempt with the court.

    5. As Dogmatique pointed out, it's very unlikely that the court is going to change the status quo. They'll look at how established the kids are where they're living right now, how stable their home environment is, and a myriad of other factors. If you haven't been living with them for a while and haven't seen them, it's highly unlikely the courts are going to allow you to come back into their lives and uproot them from everything they know and move them thousands of miles away.

    Again, as Dogmatique said, your chances seem very slim indeed.

    You need to speak to an attorney in Michigan for more information regarding what your best approach in this situation would be.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Moving Children Out of State

    Quote Quoting momof409
    View Post

    My ex is one of the nightmare ex's who makes the other parent look bad, and implies to everyone the worst to make himself look better. I assure my children as much as I can that I will be getting them soon, that mommy isnt going to be away much longer. They know, because I tell them that Im out here for school. I keep them updated on how much longer I have.

    Oh no - please tell me you haven't been doing this. Honestly, you have no business assuring them of ANYTHING at all, let alone that they'll soon be living with you. You are actually in danger of alienating them from their father, the custodial parent, and this can seriously hurt your chances. By all means keep them updated as to your schooling, but stop making promises that you cannot necessarily keep - doing so is cruel.


    Is the best option to go back to Michigan and try to re-establish residence with the kids first, and then attempt to mve them out here.

    Their circumstances are changed, we lived in an upscale neighborhood in troy, Mi. Now they are in one bedroom. This was supposed to be a temporary situation. Im in a race now to get a good job before my ex does.

    They're safe and secure, correct? Then they're safe and secure. A race? Why? He's already obviously providing for them - he has nothing to prove, quite honestly.


    Once he is away from his parents home it will be a different story, he has his parents to take care of the kids. He doesn't tolerate them by himself very well for very long. I used to have to beg him to call the kids more often, and come and see them even when it wasn't his weekend, for special functions.

    I almost think once he is out on his own with the kids it will take care of it'self, because he isn't going to enjoy the actual work that goes into taking care of four kids without help.

    I know that if I got them out here, I will be able to provide for them, they will have a home with enough rooms for them, no more foodstamps, and government insurance.

    Are you paying child support?


    Back in Michigna, it will take longer without my boyfriends income, I wont be able to afford much on my own, besides the fact that Im worried about available jobs.

    Someone please help and give me an idea of what I should do..

    Thank you
    Momof4

    As a note, we have equal physical custody, and if anything , if he didnt move to California, he could get the summers and christmas vacations.. His parenting time would not change much from what it will be once im back in Michigan if thats the route Im going to take.

    Honestly, I am not seeing a reason to change the current arrangement. But by all means, run your situation by an attorney.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Moving Children Out of State

    my son is going thru a paternity of baby and she was awarded child support on a no income as hes not back to work yet .
    now i recieve a text message saying she is going after sole custody and wants to move the baby out of state from ky to il
    i know she cant do this as of now till paternity is established , he is not currently on birth cert . but judge gave her support of 207 per month starting march 3 and now she wants to go after back support from jan as well when she moved out .
    she has temp custody and 3 yr epo and says he has no say . according to what i read on ky laws she cant do this . she lied about the reason for epo and has been trying to get on disablityl at age 18 cause she dont want to work she is not turning in that she is working to public aid or anything and has another child by a man she never went after cs on . till now . i tell u a man has no chance in heck to get ahead . with all the trouble she has caused he has lots of fees and stuff he has to pay off in 6 months less time to pay all of it . crazy i tell u . and im awoman and dont agree with any of it .

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