Child Rights Between Separated Parents

[IronmanX74]

Here is the situation:

My girlfriend is currently eight months pregnant with another man's child. I have known her forever, we got together at about the five month mark. The guy and her were together, he got her pregnant, and he took off after saying some nasty things. Fast forward to the past few weeks, and now he's trying to contact my girlfriend, asking how she and the baby are, etc. She found out that he has a crib and is saying how he's going to be a great father and all that jazz. Before, she found out he was heavy in to drugs and things like that. I don't know if he still is or not. Understandably, I haven't exactly kept up with him. She does not want him anywhere near the child. I was going to step in and be the father for the child.

He apparently lives with a guy roommate as well. Is there any recourse to deny him rights to have the child? Or is it more of a situation that she's stuck because he's the biological father? If I were to legally adopt the child, would that solve this problem? I haven't done the proper leg work yet, but I'm assuming the biological father would have to sign off on that.

To sum up: father got her pregnant, disappeared, now reappeared, but mother wants nothing to do with him.

Advice?

Thanks.

[Dogmatique]

Mom won't be able to stop Dad from being Dad if that's what Dad wants - if he chooses to file for visitation and custody, he'll likely receive joint legal with ample visitation (eventually).

You will not be able to adopt the child without Dad's consent unless Mom proves him to be unfit.

She can't now change her mind - although she is not obliged to do a thing unless he actually files in court.

Where is mom located, btw?

[IronmanX74]

So if she denies his fatherhood, he has to go through the courts to get a paternity test is basically what you're saying? She doesn't have to let him see the baby until he files for paternity through the courts?

I'm just trying to understand. Father is not a very good person, even from the limited things I know about him.

[Dogmatique]

So if she denies his fatherhood, he has to go through the courts to get a paternity test is basically what you're saying? She doesn't have to let him see the baby until he files for paternity through the courts?

I'm just trying to understand. Father is not a very good person, even from the limited things I know about him.

That's correct. Because they're unmarried, Dad needs to file to establish paternity, custody and visitation.

Are you still married, btw?

[IronmanX74]

No I am not. My divorce was finalized last Thursday actually. Hooray.

So basically, aside from him dropping everything, her proving him to be unfit, there's not much to be done? If he establishes paternity, through the courts, that's that?

Just out of curiousity, would this be expensive for him? I know he does not have much money. I forgot to put, this is in North Carolina.

[Dogmatique]

No I am not. My divorce was finalized last Thursday actually. Hooray.

So basically, aside from him dropping everything, her proving him to be unfit, there's not much to be done? If he establishes paternity, through the courts, that's that?

Just out of curiousity, would this be expensive for him? I know he does not have much money. I forgot to put, this is in North Carolina.

(the last one ate my response)


Pretty much, yes. The courts see this as "Look, you decided he was good enough to sleep with, ergo he was good enough Daddy material".

Also if you do eventually want to adopt the child, you'll generally have to be married to Mom for a year or so, and get permission from either Dad or the courts (which will be difficult without proving Dad unfit).

He'll be able to file pro se (without an attorney) without much problem and at very low cost.

[IronmanX74]

I realize this isn't the best forum for it, but since it's been brought up, if the father consents to me adopting, is it pretty straight forward after that? Get an attorney and it should go through without much problem?

Thanks for all your help. Much appreciated.

[Dogmatique]

I realize this isn't the best forum for it, but since it's been brought up, if the father consents to me adopting, is it pretty straight forward after that? Get an attorney and it should go through without much problem?

Thanks for all your help. Much appreciated.

Once you're married? If he agrees? Yup! Get yourselves an attorney and it should be pretty straightforward.

(It's actually better to keep all your questions here in one thread, even if they might vary from the original subject matter )

[IronmanX74]

Awesome. Thanks so much for your quick responses. Hopefully that will all happen shortly. Marriage is forthcoming, so no problem there. Just gotta hope he consents and wait it out.

Thanks again!

[Dogmatique]

Awesome. Thanks so much for your quick responses. Hopefully that will all happen shortly. Marriage is forthcoming, so no problem there. Just gotta hope he consents and wait it out.

Thanks again!

*cough*

At the risk of sounding..well...like your Mom, please think seriously about rushing into this - you've only been together for a few months, and you've just gotten divorced very recently.

It would be tragic for you guys to get married quickly, adopt the child and then in a couple of years regret rushing things and be back here asking about child support and custody again.

Take your time. If for no other reason than the child


(Yes, I realize may not really be warranted but...I've been there and made the exact same mistake)