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  1. #1
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Dad Won't Return Daughter

    Hello, from MIch

    I've been on this board for a while. I never thought this would happen to me and I can't believe it. Please bear with me for this is involved and I would like some honest advice:

    Me: FUll time student - 4.0 - paralegal. 9 months pregnant, drug free and alcohol free. I have a 2 bdr condo, car, etc. My income is limited, but this is not a factor. I had sole custody for 2 years, dad had supervised visits.

    Dad: rehabillitated drug addict - clean and sober, but still have concerns about others things (not important). Lives in one bdr apartment, and now has joint legal custody, I have full physical. He takes our daughter to his bro's house for his wknd overnights - bc there is a bedroom for her there.

    On Friday, Jan 1 - my parents and I got into a fight. I told them I no longer wished for them to be in m life if they cannot repsect me. They have moved themselves into a parenting role for my daughter - a role I never approved of and never relenquished myself - so we always butted heads. They, for years, paid for my legal aid against my ex and testified against him - they don't like him. However, when I said they could no longer see my daughter, they called my ex and said I was a danger. Said that I abandoned her, etc. Which is not true. I'm 9 mos preg with kidney probs, and my Dr asked my mom to take my daughter for the last weeeks of pregnancy bc I couldn't lift anything over 5 lbs. They have now used this agaisnt me, saying that I abandoned her with them.

    My ex called CPS on me. He refused to return my daughter Sunday, as the court order states, and says that he believes I'm a danger bc of what my parents said, and bc of the argument w my parents - however the info he received from my dad was alll one sided and bias - my dad gave him permission to keep my daughter. My daughter, nor my ex were there when the argument occurred with my parents.

    The police won't do anything. I filed a motion, but feel helpless. My parents and I are now estranged and they used to pay for my lawyer, but now they do not. I am lawyerless. I can't find a pro-bono.

    I had a mutual family friend call my dad and ask why he did this - he said he was afraid he would not see his granddaughter again and made a deal with my ex that in exchange for bad testimony against me, my parents could still visit with my daughter. I talked to my ex and he said he was going for a termination of my rights because my parents claimed I abandoned her - not true at all. I do admit, I have given them too much control over my daughter's life, tried to cut me out of the pic from day one, and whenever I would try to take back control they would stop me. I feel as if my mom has an unhealthy obsession with my daughter and codependent relationship.

    What do I do? CPS is coming 2moro, and ironically I am looking forward to it bc I want them to see that I keep a nice house and environment. I want them to test me for drugs. I want them to see this is a lie.

    I don't think I deserve my rights taken away, or custody chnaged simply bc I got into a fight with my parents. How do I prove my case against 3 people without a lawyer? Are there any resources out there for me? Please help me. I am so sad and lonely. And what hurts the worse is that my parents did this to "show me up" out of spite. I can never forgive them for this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    Take a deep breath.

    Your rights will NOT be terminated because of the fight with your parents, and they won't be terminated because you essentially left your child with them for only two weeks.

    Where are you right now? Are you at least safe?

  3. #3
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    Jun 2009
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    48

    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    Hi thanks for the response. I am at my condo. I don't live w my parents - I moved out 6 months ago. I also tell myself that a fight w my parents is NOT a change of circumstance, but my fear is that they will say things to influence a custody change, so they can continue visits with my daughter. I think I have a good chance of getting things back to normal - if my parents show up at the hearing and testify against me, I am hoping the judge recognizes this is just out of spit and vindictive. I know it will be difficult because it is me against the world. My parents have admitted to a friend that they did this in order to keep contact w their granddaughter bc they thought I would cut them out. This "friend" who is also an ex-police officer, said he would testify, but now he is not answering his phone and is ignoring me. Unfortunately, my ex and I battled in court for years - he always lost - I'm hoping this is seen by the judge as just another attempt to alienate me. I want my daughter to have a relationship w our daughter, and I want things to go back to as they were - just w/o my parents in the way.

    I don't know what to say to CPS. I have heard horror stories. And I don't know what to say and what not to say. I have concerns that my ex is molesting my daughter - I know it may sound very convenient to bring this up now, but I've been concerned for months.

    She started asking me to hug her "nakey" and it became very obsessive. When I asked her why she wants me to do this - I went through a whole list of names. Does nanna do this? Papa? aunty, etc... I purposely left Daddy's name last. I said does Daddy hug you nakey? And she said yes. When I told my parents they didn't want to do anything because they were afraid it would be another costly battle and because we hadn't had court probs for 2 yrs they said not to rock the boat. The officer I mentioned above, said he had been asked by my daughter to hug her "nakey" too and as an officer, he thought this was weird. He only mentioned it to me AFTER i told him about it - he never said anything before. Now, I feel if I say something it will only look vindictive - but I am worried this is the REAL reason why my ex wants custody.

  4. #4
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    Sep 2005
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    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    You can find informations on legal aid programs here.

    If you thought that "hug her 'nakey'" meant something sexual, you should have involved a professional. Not only is there a substantial chance that you misunderstood your child, your manner of questioning could taint any case. Are you telling us that the big fight with your parents was that they interpreted the "nakey" comment differently than you, and wouldn't bankroll another round of litigation, so you told them that they could never see your daughter again?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
    View Post
    You can find informations on legal aid programs here.

    If you thought that "hug her 'nakey'" meant something sexual, you should have involved a professional. Not only is there a substantial chance that you misunderstood your child, your manner of questioning could taint any case. Are you telling us that the big fight with your parents was that they interpreted the "nakey" comment differently than you, and wouldn't bankroll another round of litigation, so you told them that they could never see your daughter again?
    OP, you need to answer the question posed here.

    Seriously.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    48

    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    No - the fight had nothing to do with it. THe "nakey' thing came up months ago and yes, they didn't want to pay for another litigation, but that was not the cause of the fight. THe cause of the fight was that I've felt they don't respect me and undermine my auhtority with my daughter. I told them until they could stop saying bad things about me ot my daughter, and respect me, and stop trying to play "parents" for my daughter they could not be in our lives. At that, they got mad and started this mess - they told my ex to keep my daughter, then made a "deal" with him. ..

    The "nakey" thing has been on my mind for months and b/c they said not to rock the boat, and wouldn't pay for it, I didn't. However, I am concerned that my ex might be taking this opportunity that my parents provided to him to continue to "do whatever" to my daughter - if anything. I can't jump to conclusions, and I thought, and hgave the benefit of the doubt, that he is a man, probabbaly sleeps shirtless and hugs her - this didn't concern me as much UNTIL someone else said they also experience my daughter wanting "nakey" type hugs. I understand that my questioning could have adverse effects, which is why I've left it alone after she said "Yes" to daddy doing it. I plan to have a psych evaluate her.

    My parents are very controlling and mean. I've had probs with them my whole life and when my daughter was born, they tried to raise her as her own, i think, as a "second chance" b/c none of their kids will talk to them anymore. However, we constantly butted heads b/c I was never ready to relequish my motherly role for her. . .

    UPDATE: the police have issued a warrant for the father's arrest for parental kidnapping. And accorrding to what I read, my parents aided a kidnapping b/c they gave him the child.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    UPDATE: the police have issued a warrant for the father's arrest for parental kidnapping. And accorrding to what I read, my parents aided a kidnapping b/c they gave him the child.

    Are you serious?

    There's something missing from this story.

  8. #8
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    Jun 2009
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    48

    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    everyone says that, but that's what happened. my parents are control freaks and thought if I took my daughter away, they'd never see her again, so they made a "deal" with my ex - they "gave" him custody (for lack of a better word) and said for testimony against me, my ex would still allow them visitiation - this was their way of showing me up. I know it ssounds nuts, but that's how it is in our house. They paid thousands for my defense against him and I think my da made a bluff, called him, made the deal, and now can't go back on it.

    My ex was supposed to return dd at 630 sunday - he, w permssion from my parents kept her. I made a show cause hearing, the police couldn't do anything for 24 hrs, but now issued a felony warrant. Howver, its not the type where they just go pick him up, the prosecuter has to agree to it. He also lied to the cops and said CPS told him to keep the child, but whn I talked to them they said they would never allow anyone to keep a child w/o a court order, or suggest he break the law. He did open a CPS case pursuant to what my parents said - which is what? IDK - I have a nice house, car and 4.0 student. 9 mos preg and drug free. My parents have always hated me - and they've been obsessed with my dd from day one. They think they are above the law. And told him not to drop her off with me, to keep her b.c I was a "danger" - I read on the net if CPS thinks there is danger they come w/in 24 hrs. Well, this workers has cancelled twice and we have an apt next week - which I am looking frwd to b.c i want her to see i have a nice place.

    Also, in the last month of preg, i got kidney stones. Im being induced tues. the dr asked my mom to take my dd b/c needed to rest - now they are saying i abandoned her, but that is not true, When i tried to get her back, they wouldn't give her to me - and called her dad and started this mess. I know it is hard to belive, even for me.

    If i had done somehitng, at least i would know WHY this is being allowed to happen and could at least have some closure adn take responsibiliy, but I haven't done anything wrong - I can hardly move off the couch.

    I think my parents thought "if we can't have her, no one can" type mentallity. The police are on my side and I have a court order - aslo b/c he opned a CPS case, although frivolous, a judge cannot make an emergency motion - while there is an open case. I have texted him and said "please let me speak to her to see she is ok" - he did not - the cops called him and said this was felony kidnapping, he siad "I don't care" he thinks he iwll get away with this.

    I apologize for my writitng and grammar - just very upset.

    Also i am having a nother baby - and my parents, accrding to my ex lawyer called CPS for this one - IDK why or who thye think they are? I DID have a ppo against her dad, but removed it bc I needed him to help me. I think they thought w a ppo against the father, and a frivolous CPS case they could take this baby - they are baby snatchers of the worse kind - my older bro won't let my parents anywhere near his kid and now i know why. I do't think they realize that CPS is aware of false claims, and will not take my kids for nothing. I am willing to do ANY testing of ANY KIND! I want to to prove this. I think when all is said and done, I will have my DD and my ex will have his rights for visits taken away. He thinks bc I am an advocate for medical marijuana (although I do not use it - just into holistic meds nd writing a book about it) I am a bad mother. Howveer, in MI we have lgalized Medi Marijuana.

    Regardless, please don't be quick to judge me, I am telling the truth and am very sad an lonely. I know it is only a matter of time before I am proven right.

    ALso, I acquired PPOS against my dad and sis - they are blackmailing me into dropping them. They said if I don't they will shut off m utilitites and take my car (whcih my dad gave me 5 yrs ago). I have a lease agrmnt with my dad - so he can't evict me. I pay rent, he pays utilities. Can he just shut them off?

    On Fri I tried to get the PPOs removed bc I am 9 mos pregand need utilities, but when the judge asked why and i told the truth he refused. I hv to go to court tomorrow and am confused as to wht to say.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Dad Won't Return Daughter CPS -

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Are you serious?

    There's something missing from this story.



    My surprise is that someone somewhere decided that this falls into parental kidnapping. With that said you are embroiled in a very murky situation and there are honestly too many complicating factors to offer you anything other than very basic advice.


    Regardless, you REALLY need an attorney. Please go through the links MrKnowItAll provided - hopefully you can find some help there. Your situation requires more assistance than can be gained from a legal forum like this, you know?

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