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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    4

    Default Possible Child Molestation

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Georgia

    My son who was 8 at the time had a neighbor boy who was a good friend of the family spend the night about 3 years ago. The other boy was 15 at the time. My son, now 11, came to me today and told me some things that occured the night of the sleep over.

    The older boy told my son that "if he grabbed his penis and rubbed on it that white stuff would come out." He also asked my son to come into the bedroom with him so that he could show my son exactly what would happen. My son has said that he told the older child "no" several times and finally nothing else was said about it.

    My son has told me that the older child did NOT touch him in any way. But it did make him feel "weird" and he felt like he should say something about it. I think this has a lot to do with the school running the "good touch, bad touch" program. I am grateful to him for telling me this so that I could talk it over with him. Now I am just unsure of where to go from here or even if there is anywhere to go.

    Would this be a case of child molestation or some other offense? And if so, what is the time frame this would need to be reported to local law enforcement?

    Any information, advice and/or support on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for any and all replies!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    368

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    I think since he never touched your child, and your child did not touch him, it would be a case of indecent liberties. You need to tell us what state this occurred in so we would be able to look up the applicable laws. Either way, it would be difficult to bring a charge now. But that is a decision a prosecutor should make.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    The state is Georgia. I thought that I had put it in the post. Maybe it isn't showing up.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Inland Empire
    Posts
    1,410

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    Have you spoken to this boy's parents? You should really start there. I'd hate to dismiss this as a "boy being a boy" thing but it really could be as innocent as that.

    I really wonder why you would allow your son to "play" with a boy 7 years older than him.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    I have not spoken to the other boy's parents. The older boy is now almost 19. After he graduated last year they moved away due to financial hardship and I have not been in touch with the family since.

    At the time the boys didn't really "play" together. As I said in the original post; The older boy was the son of a friend. It was not unusual for each of us to have the other's children sleep over if the other had plans. Last time I checked it was called babysitting. I was merely trying to help a friend. It was not a common occurance for our children to have sleep overs. This just happen to be that the boy's grandmother, my friend's mother, had been hospitalized and the friend needed somewhere for her two children to stay for the night.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    368

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    You also have to realize that by pursuing this, your son may be more traumatized than he already is. Since several years have already gone by, I would use this as a teaching lesson/example to teach my son about the dangers of this world. Altho because your son did not participate, it sounds as if you already have done a good job. Teach him to tell you a little quicker tho. And good luck.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    From both a criminal justice standpoint, and from a therapeutic standpoint, I see little to go on here.

    On the criminal justice side, this isn't something that police aren't likely to take a report on, much less a prosecutor pick up for possible prosecution. The other child showed off his ability to masterbate, but a prosecutor isn't going to be able to produce criminal intent on the part of the older child, even if it was present, which nothing related here would overtly indicate. It's not far removed from "show me yours and I'll show you mine", except that the older boy added "and look what mine can do". Without some level of direct involvement, I just don't forsee it realistically going anywhere.

    From a therapeutic standpoint, it may be of significance that your son waited until now to say anything about it; but don't take that to mean that there was some underlying trauma that suddenly came to light. Given your son's age, it's just as probable that your son is getting to the developmental stage where he's beginning to focus on his gender and body and some things go hand in hand, as it were. Taking that natural interest in his own equipment may have led him to wonder if HE were capable of what he witnessed, or, perhaps he tried and didn't get the same result and he's wondering if something is wrong with him, OR, he tried and got the same result and is concerned about the mechanics and implications of it all. There's also the aspect that masterbation isn't socially acceptable (how many parents do you see suddenly panic and move a child's, even an infant's, hands away from their genetalia, even in the most innocent situations) and he's confronting guilt issues and brought this to your attention to get your reaction to "see where he stands"; in other words, "am I bad if I try this?".

    11 certainly isn't too young for any or all of these scenarios to be playing out, and sans something other than what has been related to us, I suspect most developmental psychologists would tell you that this is a relatively common, even normal, part of growing up, and if your son isn't experiencing or displaying signs of trauma over the past event or current events, one should be cautious not to cast the child in the role of a victim and give "vibes" that would do so - because children's worlds revolve around themselves, and they have a remarkeable capacity to twist things around so that everything bad that happens around them, from divorce, to dinner being burned, to another child showing them how to masterbate, becomes their fault. (Google the term "labeling theory" and you'll get a better idea of what I mean and how destructive it can be to a developing personality at the exact time when the sex drive is starting to kick in!)

    You might find it helpful to talk to a trusted male figure in his life about this, and get their take on it and/or ask them to breech the subject with your son.

    You might also get some insight, information, and support for both you and your son from outside sources such as:

    What's Going on Down There?: Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask

    Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle: Honest Conversations About Sexual Integrity (The Every Man Series)

    How You Are Changing: For Boys Ages 10-12 and Parents (Learning About Sex)

    These can help you to understand some of what he might be thinking and feeling, and give you some ways to shed light in ways that will let you discuss it that won't make him run from the room (really, most boys don't want to talk to mom about this stuff, and it's awesome that he breeched the topic with you).

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Possible Child Molestation

    Thank you both nite riderusa and aardvarc. You both make totally valid points. I wasn't instantly drawn to pursuing this, however, in the event that it came up later, I did not want to be cast in the role of a "do nothing" mother. I also don't want him to feel as if he is "bad".

    My husband is an over-the-road truck driver so his home time is limited. For that reason my son and I are close and most of the time he will come to me if he needs to talk. But as a female and him being my only son I am not as well equipped to handle some subjects as his father would be. My son and my father are close so I am letting them have some "guy" time next weekend.

    As my only son I do tend to be a bit over-protective, but I didn't want to dismiss this without the advice of others, who may have children and experienced something similar or the advice of those with legal knowledge beyond my limited scope.

    Again, I appreciate all of the replies and information. It has helped a great deal and better equipped me to handle similar situations if/when they arise. It has also showed my son that it is okay to come to me. Even though it was an uncomforatable subject.

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