I was arrested in 2003, convicted of a felony DWI in May of 2004, and sentenced to five years of probation. I have had a mostly positive two-year experience with probation and gone through all the required mental health evaluations, and impact panels as required. There have been absolutely no violations and I am working very hard to maintain my professional career without a driver's license or the right to leave the county, state, or country, etc, etc.
My first probation officer was a very professional individual who did their duty by the book and to the letter. After a year of weekly visits with my first probation officer, we had absolutely no problems whatsoever.
However in June of 2005, I was transferred to a new probation officer that I was informed would be seeing me on a monthly basis. Since the start of my meetings with my new probation officer I have become increasingly concerned about my remaining period due to several factors, starting with:
1.) Almost every visit for the first six months I would have to remind my probation officer of what my crime was and that no, it was not involving illegal drugs. I would often have to remind her of my name.
2.) She has repeatedly called me in for "problems" as she describes them over the phone. Twice I have shown up to have here asking me questions about people and issues I know nothing about, only to have her realize she has been looking at the wrong file on her computer screen. Her general reaction is "whoops" as I stare at criminal records of other people. Unless I’m completely out of my mind, this is not good behavior of someone in charge of other people’s lives.
3.) She has called me with urgent home visit problems several times. In one of the more insane circumstances, she left an urgent message while I was out running errands with a relative of mine. When I returned, I called back immediately and informed her that I was back home. She said she would be over in a few minutes. Upon her arrival she storms into the house, points to the bottle sitting on my cutting board and says, "mind telling me why there's a wine bottle on your counter?" I incredulously look from her to the bottle and say, “you mean the bottle of balsamic vinegar??” She glares at me, storms over to the bottle, picks it up with a flourish, spins the cap off, and (to my disgust) sticks her nose in the bottle. As she glares at me over the bottle, she mumbles, “oh” and puts it back down. As she is walking towards the door, she reaches out for the glass of Pepsi I was drinking and sticks her nose in that. I’m still standing there with my mouth hanging open in disgust and surprise as she pulls out the breathalyzer. I blow absolutely nothing of course, because I HAVEN’T BEEN DRINKING. The final blow to that fine visit comes when she asks me where I was and whom I was with. I inform her it was my sister and she asks me what her phone number is. In a fit of absolute confusion, I give it to her. She picks up my phone and dials the number. My sister is back at work. The probation officer proceeds to ask for my sister and when prompted to identify herself, she responds, “Ellen, (insert my name)’s probation officer.” I am completely shocked. Now people at my sister’s place of business are asking why probation officers are calling her. After the probation officer confirms that I was actually running errands, she leaves with a final comment. “You know, I’m just here to help you.” I am flabbergasted beyond words.
Another urgent call came a few weeks ago. My probation officer stops by my home at around 9:00AM. I am already off dealing with a busy day. She leaves a message that there is another big problem. I get the message later that day and she has be come to the office at around 7:00PM only to tell me that there was what appeared to her to be a passed out girl on the floor of my living room and signs of disarray which look like a party went on. She brings me back to my house to meet my guests from over seas who had flown in the night before. My associate’s girlfriend stayed sleeping on the air bed in the living room that morning while my friend and I went off to get some work done at my new business location being built. A very awkward situation indeed. So what did she find? NOTHING. Surprise of all surprises, no drugs, no guns, no booze, no terrorists. Her reaction…”you still need to come in and see me on the 17th.” This is said on March 1st.
There have been a range of other odd suspicions, ranging from “where were you today”, to “why wasn’t your dog barking when I stopped by today” to “why didn’t I see your footprints in the snow”. Usually answered by…”working”…”I don’t know ask the dog”…”because I left the house at 8:00AM as I said, it started snowing at around 10:00Am, and you popped in at 12:00PM…what time does the train reach London?”
4.) Now the real kicker. My last visit in February, my probation officer grudgingly agrees that she will sign the paperwork for the approval of my license being restored as long as today’s test comes out clean. Afterwards she leads me to the bathroom for my monthly test. (Which she does give every month incidentally) I enter and a male probation officer witnesses the sample being taken. As I sit and wait for the usual results, my probation officer informs me that a new test is starting today and that the results will not be ready for another week…and she will be on vacation next week. I nod with the resignation of someone who is dealing with crazy people. Now the real interesting part comes as I watch her try to figure out which label goes on what and who has to sign where, as well as what top goes on the container and what elements need to be included. She calls another person into the room and they both lean over this mess to try to figure it out. My probation officer then informs me they haven’t had their certification for this test yet, so I’ll just have to wait while they figure it out. The other person she brought in to help says that I do not have to wait. My probation officer says I have to sign something. I AM GETTING REALLY WORRIED AT THIS POINT! This isn’t like an aptitude test, this is my life and I’m watching two very confused people fumble with it. Well, they both slap all the stickers with bar codes and numbers all over the bottle and say, “just put them all on there, more information is better than none.” I am totally freaked out by the lack of professionalism or basic competency at this point. They both assure me that they have made no mistakes.
5.) The test comes back positive…for alcohol…how convenient.
So if you’ve made it this far in my ramble, maybe you can be kind enough to suggest a plan of action that doesn’t involve leaving for points unknown with a new name.
For the record, my probation officer delivered this surprising information with a grin and the assurance that she did not plan to violate me. She did however inform me that she would be conducting more frequent visits and that she would be putting my license approval on hold for “at least a couple of months”. Now take it or leave it as truth, but there was no alcohol in my body when I took that test. I may be a felon, but a moron I am not. I would have had to have a drink before probation that day, or been on a serious binge the day or two prior to come up positive. Why after almost two years of things going relatively fine would one do that? Or is it more likely that this incompetent behavior of the probation officer has somehow created this situation.
Please do not misconstrue this information as a damning of the system. I understand my crime and I am paying for it daily. This behavior of my new probation officer however does have me deeply worried.
Thanks for any helpful advice,
Frustrated Professional Trying To Get His Life Back

