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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
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    4

    Default Married, Discovered Pregnancy from Prior Relationship During Engagement

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mississippi

    I started dating my husband july 20th 2008, we were on and off pretty steadily during the whole thing, but i was in love with him; i just didnt do well with relationships. in January 2009, we were off again and i was single living with my best friend in memphis tenn. i met a guy that i will call "bob" sometime in february and began a short relationship with him lasting maybe 3 weeks. we were intimate a few times, but my heart really wasnt into it (not a good decision on my part i know) and broke it off with him in late february. on the last weekend in feb. i was involved with my husband again, we went to st louis and got engaged. we were to be married on our 1 year anniversary a few months later.

    after getting engaged and moving back in with my husband in march, we found out i was pregnant. according to my calculations there is a very slim chance that my husand is the biological father, however he wants to raise the baby as his own nonetheless. i did the right thing and informed "bob" about my expectations and tried my absolute best to keep the peace between all of us, seeing as this is a rather complicated situation. i met with bob to discuss what would happen if the baby was determined to be his biologically. i told him i didnt want a fight, i just wanted a peaceful pregnancy, delivery and life. and "bob" then told me he was "willing to do anything to be in the baby's life". so i told him that i was starting a child support case closer toward my due date, that way we can have a court ordered paternity test before anything is settled, because as it stands right now there is no absolute 100% proof that "bob" is the bio father. after i informed him of the sex of the baby (i kept him informed throughout my entire pregnancy of anything occurring with the baby) he became upset because i did not ask him to help me choose the name for our expectant son. after he decided to start throwing his rights to this child in my face, i calmy stated that technically right now, he did not have any legal rights to the child and everything he is involved with now (which is nothing, really) is basically because i want to involve him (such as when the baby first moved, and when we found out the gender). he kept getting agitated and i just told him that i would be starting a child support case this fall, and he could either go to court and abide by the guidelines they set for him, or he could fight it.

    he is choosing to fight it, even though he tells me that its not the child support he has a problem with, that he is going to fight me over something else...but will not tell me what it is. i am very upset about this because i have been so lenient and cooperative with everything up until now. also, i realize that this all may be trivial...but

    i AM married now, living in our own apartment in MS, i have never taken illegal drugs, i have no criminal record, we are purchasing a new car so we have enough room for our baby, my husband is in school in the last year of pursuing a very respectable degree and i am focusing all my energy on making sure im ready for motherhood. "bob" lives at home with his mother in a rather dirty house in TN, works construction with his father, smokes weed, and has been arrested for driving under the influence and totaling his car (which he spent time in jail for as a result of), he does not have a car to commute to work so how can he commute to MS to see the baby, he still has rare flashbacks from acid that he has taken, and hes just an all around terrible role model. which i understand that i should have made those assessments before i pursued a relationship, but like i said, i made a bad decision. plus, he had lied to me and told me he was sterile, and added all these things about how sad it is that he will never have a family.

    i need to know what to do, how to pursue this, if i should even be worried about him trying for joint custody or sole custody or god knows what. im just very upset about how everything has come about and just need reassurance and advice from someone with some know how.


    any advice will help, thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,948

    Arrow Re: Someone Help with This Complicated Situation

    If you want nothing else to do with Bob - do nothing and the ball is in his court.
    If you want the child to be supported by the father then ask for a paternity test. Once Bob is shown to be the actual father he will be ordered to pay CS and he will be granted visitation.
    You can/should bring up the drugs/DUI at that time and request that his visitation be supervised - but nothing you really wrote here is an indication that he is a major risk to children and should not have any privileges if he is proven to be the father. Living with his mom and working for his dad are actually positives when it comes to having a support system for his son.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Someone Help with This Complicated Situation

    i want nothing to do with Bob, but i dont want him to come up with a paternity test later and try to get joint custody because the distance between us and just that i do not trust him with the safety and well being of my child. is that even a threat (the joint custody thing)?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,948

    Exclamation Re: Someone Help with This Complicated Situation

    If the child is his then he can most certainly ask the court for joint custody.
    Until the baby is born and a paternity test is done then you are fine.
    As soon as this baby is born you need to stop pretending the child belongs 100% to you.

    See
    http://www.mdhs.state.ms.us/cse_asap.html
    If Bob does his homework he can be permitted to parent this child.

    If you are a man who wants to prove you are the father of a child or children, you can complete an application form through Mississippi child support law enforcement program and pay an application fee of $25.00. Contact the Division of Child Support Enforcement for information regarding paternity establishment after leaving the hospital.

    If there is any question regarding the paternity of a child, the Division of Child Support Enforcement can order the completion of genetic testing. Genetic testing involves a comparison of the alleged father's, the child's, and the mother's genetic markers. Genetic paternity tests are nearly 100 percent accurate. Contact your local child support office for more information on genetic testing to establish paternity.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Someone Help with This Complicated Situation

    as soon as he is determined to be the biological father i will be way more than willing to not act like the child is 100 percent mine.

    but if i do just sit back and let him handle all of this since hes the one who wants to be involved that wont make me look bad later on if he ends up taking me to court?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,948

    Arrow Re: Someone Help with This Complicated Situation

    Until he takes legal action to become the putative father there is nothing for you to 'look bad' about and no body for you to 'look bad' to.

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