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  1. #1
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    Jul 2009
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    Default Relations with an Older, Married Manager

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Illinois

    I am 20 years old and last year became involved with a man 11 years my senior (and married with a child). He was my manager at work. My question is regarding one night where we met at a motel; he brought alcohol and the last thing I can remember is him asking me to go sit on the bed with him and my refusal. When I came out of the blackout I was partially undressed in bed with him. He told someone else the details of what happened and from this I heard that he tried to have sex with me but I have no recollection of any sort of sexual behavior.

    He continued to pursue me after this and I was so bewildered and confused by the whole situation that we met up one other time; nothing significant happened, although I left before the night was over. (I'm worried that if there is some sort of legal action that can be taken, this will discredit me.)

    There was another manager at our workplace who was good friends with the other manager and looking back he seems to have orchestrated and encouraged the whole thing. He was also about 10 years older.

    Is there any sort of legal action that could be taken at this time? I am not a litigious person but the memory of all of this and the thought that it could happen to someone else is horrifying.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Relations with an Older, Married Manager

    Legal action for.....? By your own admission, you have no recollection (or other evidence) of any sexual behavior - and his account is that he TRIED to have sex with you - implying that it didn't actually get that far. The probablity of this resulting in criminal charges, given the circumstances you describe, along with the time elapsed is about zero. There's no investigation to be done other than collection of your version of events and his version of events - even if he drugged you or spiked your drink, with no blood drawn, no medical exam done, etc. it'll come down to your word against his; and in light of you meeting up with him again, yes, a defense attorney would tear you one end to the other on the stand. Juries, for lots of reasons (right or wrong), tend to start rolling their eyes and sighing when accusations come up yet the person making the accusation continued to meet with them after the incident in question. Those are the cases that prosecutors don't want to touch with ten foot poles - because they simply cannot prove something that even YOU can't describe and for which no other evidence is available to suggest what might or might not have happened.

    The only person YOU can protect is you. Other people have to be responsible for their own actions. The best thing you can do to prevent something from happening to others is to be vocal that drinking to the point of memory loss or blackout with someone in a hotel room probably isn't a good idea. Nature has given us LOTS of defense mechanisms to help us figure out if situations are potentially dangerous to us - little things like feeling "funny" around someone, or uncomfortable in situations especially alone with another person - and alcohol tends to immediately attack the regions of the brain that provide those protections and generate the little voices in our heads that say "whoa, this isn't headed in a good direction, I should get out of here or put a stop to this".

    You can certainly summon police and give your version of events and let them forward their report to the prosecutor's office. But there's really almost nothing for them to work with here.

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