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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
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    2

    Default Daughter Not Caught Shoplifting

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: California

    My (step)daughter is 9 years old, and has become quite a little thief. She was just stealing from us (change jar), but we recently found some shoplifted candy in her purse, and she took a dollar from my husband's wallet, in other words, her behavior is accelerating. Our ability to get her into a psychological program is 3 weeks out. So my questions are:

    Should we take her to the store with the shoplifted candy? My hope is that they'll slap her on the wrist and tell her not to do it again, my fear is that they'll bring the police in, though there is a part of me that thinks that is EXACTLY what she needs (to be scared straight!)

    Any advice for getting this kid to exercise some self control? She has literally been stealing since the age of 6, though the shoplifting is recent. I'm worried about her and her behavior.

    We've punished her for it every time we've found out, but then a month or two later, or sometimes longer, there's a new incidence. And she isn't above lying about the behavior either (which just increases the punishment) It's the only thing that actually gets my husband yelling at her. We are NOT letting her "get away" with the behavior. (but I will admit to being afraid to take her back to the store with the candy.) I guess the question is, if she does get herself caught one of these days, because she can't seem to stop, what could happen to us as her parents, besides fines resulting from the criminal and civil charges? Fines, I might add, we CANNOT afford to pay. We have four other children, 3 of whom are ours, one of whom is his. Is there a possibility that CPS could get involved and take those children away from us? It SOUNDS far-fetched to me, especially considering that I am trying to get her psychological help, but is there a possibility?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Daughter Not Caught Shoplifting

    Should we take her to the store with the shoplifted candy? My hope is that they'll slap her on the wrist and tell her not to do it again, my fear is that they'll bring the police in, though there is a part of me that thinks that is EXACTLY what she needs (to be scared straight!)
    Depending on the store manager, it could go either way. Have you considered contacting the store manager privately to explain what happened and make arrangements for your daughter to return/pay for what she took?

    My husband is a retail store manager, and he deals with this sort of thing all the time. Organic chocolate at eye level is awfully tempting for kids. His policy is to give the kid a good stern talking to and explain what happens when you steal (people won't like you, your parents will be mad and you'll get in trouble at home, you can be taken to jail, you'll have to pay more than what the item you stole is worth, a criminal record makes it hard to get a job).

    Works pretty well for young kids.

    But again, how things go depends entirely on the store manager in question. I wouldn't advise taking the kiddo back into the store without making prior arrangements.

    I guess the question is, if she does get herself caught one of these days, because she can't seem to stop, what could happen to us as her parents, besides fines resulting from the criminal and civil charges? Fines, I might add, we CANNOT afford to pay. We have four other children, 3 of whom are ours, one of whom is his. Is there a possibility that CPS could get involved and take those children away from us?
    Aside from the fines, you may be ordered by the court to get her into therapy - which you're already doing. You might also be ordered to take parenting classes - not terribly common unless the kid is wildly out of control, though.

    While it's certainly possible that CPS could be called out to investigate, it's quite unlikely, and even more unlikely that the children would be taken away. Stealing is a pretty common behavior in children. Most grow out of it, some need a little more help.

    You might find these articles reassuring while you're waiting for her admission into the program:

    http://www.parenting-ed.org/handout3...s/stealing.htm

    http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotion...oplifting.html

    http://counsellingresource.com/ask-t...dren-stealing/

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Daughter Not Caught Shoplifting

    It occurred ot me last night after I replied to the message, and I kind of though Duh to myself. I've had quite a bit to worry about lately, unfortunately. I fear her behavior is partially due to family circumstances and stress, and partially due to her "I wants", which she has a lot of (and didn't in the past).
    I've seen those articles before, since this is not new behavior. I considered puttting her into therapy the LAST round of stealing, and didn't, and was relieved when it calmed down. It's pretty obvious by now it's not going to go away and she needs help. She's lucky she didn't get caught (and she was with me both times! I think the second time, she did it when I let her go to the bathroom by herself.) My worry? Were those times really the "only" times? She isn't above lying about this stuff, and she's come up with a LOT of candy, but I guess she could have gotten the money from us. Her sisters aren't afraid to rat her out, and we've learned that if she says a "friend" gave her the money, to ask that friend's parents, not the friend. It's really kind of rude to get your friends into trouble for it though. We just never know what to believe with her, and it's completely destroyed her sister's trust (not sure if she sees that though, honestly, sister says many things out of meanness.)

    Thanks for the reply.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    6,808

    Default Re: Daughter Not Caught Shoplifting

    I'm not a parent, but my suggestions would be:

    - Any time she steals, you "steal" a favored toy/book/CD from her. She has to go so many days without stealing to earn the toy back.

    - If she has an allowance....each time she steals, she has to pay 10 times the value of what she stole.

    - More chores each time she steals.

    - Take away privileges each time. She wants to hang out with the other kids in the area? She stole, so she can't play with them for X number of days.

    - When you take her to the store, buy a kids leash, and do not let her wander on her own at all. And take that purse away from her. (yes, it will be embarrassing, but it may teach her a lesson....that handcuffs will be even more embarrassing!)

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