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  1. #1

    Default Challenges to Custody of a Child Born During a Marriage

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alabama

    I suppose this would be the state, as it's my home state, but I'm not really sure how this works..
    My husband of 16 years and I decided to split up in 2005, he went his way, I went mine, and "mine" just happened to be taking off to Mexico with a friend, whom I felt, at the time, was going to be the love of my life. We set up in a nice little town and the very same week I conceived our son, he very nearly killed me.
    Like the colossal MORON that I am, I put my son's biological father on the Mexican birth certificate and then, on the Certificate of Report of Birth Abroad. I am one of those idiots that thinks lying will come back to haunt you, and I get really embarrassed if I lie and get caught, so I TOLD THE STUPID TRUTH! And, now that is what I regret...
    We're now in Alabama, and I am no longer with the biological father, but back with my husband. Since we never divorced, the child was born to our marriage, and I believe my husband would have to contest paternity to get a dna test done. And he wouldn't do that, he knows the child isn't his, but loves him and dotes on this child more than he did our own boys, who are now almost grown. The ex, who has just gotten out of prison on parole for four very violent felonies, (he plead the other 23 down to four) is actually trying to say he wants access to my son. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN!
    I'm not sure how it works, exactly, but I did a bit of legal secretarial work a while back and I was thinking that a third party cannot approach a married couple and claim paternity and have a dna test ordered..since the State of Alabama will not illegitimize a child to re-legitimize them later. Not even if the couple is divorcing. I believe the legal father has to request it, or the mother.
    Does anybody know if this is correct or not?
    I am thinking that it may be between my husband and I to decide custody between us if we were to decide to divorce. But, I need guidance, and I need it before I actually retain an attorney. We're not looking to divorce, but to protect the child from my ex. We'll stay married forever for that reason alone. But, we need to take some steps to ensure that he is safe from this creep for all time. Whatever that ends up being.
    Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated

  2. #2
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    Exclamation Re: A Few Questions About Custody

    If you want advice on how to prevent the child's real father from exercising his rights, I suggest you hire a very expensive lawyer.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: A Few Questions About Custody

    From what you have said, the biological father doesn't need to delegitimize the child in order to establish paternity, as he's named as the father on the child's birth certificate.

  4. #4

    Default Re: A Few Questions About Custody

    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
    View Post
    From what you have said, the biological father doesn't need to delegitimize the child in order to establish paternity, as he's named as the father on the child's birth certificate.
    right, but when the child is born to a marriage that is still intact, I thought my husband would be the legal father regardless. The Department of State saw it that way...they gave me static about printing the CRIBA with a different BF to the legal father because we aren't divorced.
    I was told, outside wedlock, a statement of paternity is merely an allegation without dna testing.
    I don't know..this is why I am asking, but it isn't going to be as simple as who's on the birth certificate, I already know that much.
    I just wondered if any one knew from experience or education how I should handle this.
    Aside from hiring a very expensive attorney..
    which, btw, doesn't always ensure they'll actually work for their money.
    I had one a few years ago that was paid $10,000.00 to do nothing...and being a former senator, anytime I complained to the bar, someone at the bar
    called him and told him...wish I had that money back!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: A Few Questions About Custody

    Quote Quoting internationalcrisis
    View Post
    right, but when the child is born to a marriage that is still intact, I thought my husband would be the legal father regardless. The Department of State saw it that way...they gave me static about printing the CRIBA with a different BF to the legal father because we aren't divorced.
    I was told, outside wedlock, a statement of paternity is merely an allegation without dna testing.
    I don't know..this is why I am asking, but it isn't going to be as simple as who's on the birth certificate, I already know that much.
    I just wondered if any one knew from experience or education how I should handle this.
    Aside from hiring a very expensive attorney..
    which, btw, doesn't always ensure they'll actually work for their money.
    I had one a few years ago that was paid $10,000.00 to do nothing...and being a former senator, anytime I complained to the bar, someone at the bar
    called him and told him...wish I had that money back!

    Since the child was born in another country and we/YOU don't know the laws of that country, you would be ill-advised to apply American Law to Mexican Jurisdiction. BUT! Even IF this child were born here you would be out of steam. The father is listed on the BC and you can't undue that.

  6. #6

    Default Re: A Few Questions About Custody

    Quote Quoting Baystategirl
    View Post
    Since the child was born in another country and we/YOU don't know the laws of that country, you would be ill-advised to apply American Law to Mexican Jurisdiction. BUT! Even IF this child were born here you would be out of steam. The father is listed on the BC and you can't undue that.
    I'm not attempting to undo paternity, I just wanted to know if custody would be something handled between my husband and I.
    Where he was born is irrelevant now, as he's a US citizen, living in the States..If I am not mistaken, it is American law that is applicable here...is it not?

  7. #7
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    Arrow Re: Challenges to Custody of a Child Born During a Marriage

    My response to pay an expensive attorney was intended as a rebuke. I understand that you came here for legal advice - yet your dilemma seems more of a moral issue.
    You know who fathered the child - you named the father on the birth certificate - and now you want to strip this man of any rights he might or might not have to his biological offspring.

    Here is some legal info for you cut and pasted from
    http://www.myfamilylaw.com/library/C...ve-Father-Mean

    "In 21 states (Alabama, California, Colorado, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Kansas, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and Washington), a man can be the presumed father in one or more of the following cases:

    He and the child's mother are married (or were married) and the child was born during the marriage (or within 300 days after the marriage ended).
    He and the mother attempted to marry prior to the child's birth and the marriage was (or could be) declared invalid and the child was born during the invalid marriage or 300 days after it was terminated.
    He has acknowledged his paternity in writing.
    He is listed as the father on the birth certificate with his consent.
    He has resided with the child while the child was a minor and publicly claimed the child as his biological offspring.
    He is obligated to pay child support, whether by court order or voluntary agreement.
    A "putative father" is a term used in many states to describe a man who is either alleged to be the father or claims to be the biological father but who is not married to the mother at the time of the child's birth. A putative father has not yet been legally established as the child's father by a court. You will see the phrase "putative father" referenced over and over in paternity court documents.

    In addition, approximately 23 states have established registries to allow fathers to claim a putative status - Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and Wyoming.

    These registries are intended to allow alleged fathers to be contacted in the event that the child is put up for adoption or if there is any attempt to terminate parental rights. Men can generally provide their information to these confidential registries even before the child is born if he believes that he is the father of a woman's unborn child.

    In the following states, fathers may also claim putative status by filing an affidavit of paternity with the court: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oregon, Rhode Island, Texas Virginia and Washington."

    The same type of information can be found at
    http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwi...s/putative.cfm

    If the ex-boyfriend/father is telling you that he wants access to his son he will probably be able to find this same information himself or with the help of his own lawyer.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Challenges to Custody of a Child Born During a Marriage

    "My response to pay an expensive attorney was intended as a rebuke. I understand that you came here for legal advice - yet your dilemma seems more of a moral issue.
    You know who fathered the child - you named the father on the birth certificate - and now you want to strip this man of any rights he might or might not have to his biological offspring."

    I'm sorry, I should have sensed that you were telling me to F-off.
    And here I've pressed the issue and gotten myself judged.
    The "moral" issue of which you speak is seeing to it that my child doesn't meet with the physical harm I did at the hands of his father. He is a drug addict, a violent felon, and has a few serious psychiatric diagnoses, and works at a gay bar with his ex-lover.(male ex-lover)
    You think you know someone....
    it turns out I had been lied to on numerous fronts, about many things.
    But, by all means, let's make out like I'm an evil bitch by trying to do everything I can to protect my child from this kind of person and lifestyle, now that I know who he really is.
    I don't beat people, I don't do drugs, have no mental illnesses, etc.
    I had a lover without getting a divorce and had a baby as a result of the affair with a man who turned out to be the total opposite of the person he had always protrayed himself to be.
    Again, I was just curious about how legal custody would be viewed by a court of law.

    Maybe the admin can just close this thread..
    I was merely asking for help, I thought that's what this forum was for.
    You should post your list of exceptions and maybe women of questionable moral fiber won't bother posting in here in future.
    Sorry to have wasted your time, thanks for the links and info.

  9. #9
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    Arrow Re: Challenges to Custody of a Child Born During a Marriage

    I was/am not saying F-off. I am saying that the father may have rights. If he is a threat to the safety of the child then you have an obligation to let the Court know of your concerns.
    His criminal history can/will be taken into consideration when/if the father seeks visitation. As unsavory as the father may be - the child is 1/2 his DNA - and pretending your husband is the father can only lead to problems.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Challenges to Custody of a Child Born During a Marriage

    and pretending your husband is the father can only lead to problems.

    Is right. Go through the process. Allow the father to be seen as the danger he may well be. IT will be less of a strugle than you think it may be. Sometimes the path of least resistance it there to help the final outcome, just have faith.

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