Brick Walls in Maine Saying We Can't Modify

[xlfamily]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Maine.
My husband was led to believe in his divorce that since he was a truck driver, home on weekends and holidays and since he moved out of the State of Maine, he would NOT be granted custody of his children. So, during his divorce, he maintained a job in our state (not Maine) that allowed him to be home every day. Again, he was advised that he would NOT get custody because he drove truck during the marriage and because he moved out of the State of Maine where the children reside.
Therefore, a guardian ad liteum was appointed to defend my husbands rights JUST FOR VISITATION! His ex wouldn't permit him to allow visitation out of the State of Maine with their father. It took 1 1/2 yrs to get that divorce finalized. The courts stated that they "couldnt make his ex sign anything". NOW, the same problems he had with his ex during the marriage are happening again and when we call CPS in Maine, they say there are "currently no state laws against poor parenting" and that there is nothing we can do. The ex (custodial parent) is:
1) unemployed and pays for her vehicle, insurance, cigarrettes, etc from her child support check
2) does not allow phone contact reguarily (which we told our attorney who said "Oh well, nothing you can do") during holidays and birthdays
3) sent a pic of her new b.f. with the kids leaning against him watching t.v. to my HUSBANDS CELL PHONE saying: "Aren't they cute together?"
4) Lives with her parents because she cannot provide for herself
5) Permits smokers, incl her parents and herself, to smoke around the children in the home when we have asked them not to (we sent pics to our attorney and called CPS, all said: "No laws against smoking around children in your home, just while in the vehicles")
6)My six year old step son worries about how he has to get home to his mother to "pet her head when she cries because he's her little man who takes care of mommy"
7)My step daughter (age 8) was peeing her pants during the last visit with us in 2007 DURING THE DAYTIME. She was ditching her panties in outdoor places so she wouldn't get "caught"
8)The ex had two accidents in her vehicle in less than 1 year. Both we heard about from "other people who were around", the ex "claims" the children weren't with her. We can't get a report on the accidents to see if she was drinking and if the kids were involved.
9)I could go on and on about his ex's mouth. She was quoted as to telling my brother in law at Walmart: "I don't know where the kids ran off to. They are somewhere in the store. I'm just thankful to get away from them!" (attorney says because it's my husbands brother, it's inadmissable)
Both children drag around a security blanket that their mother pushes on them and they refuse to go anywhere without it. The kids don't talk when their father calls because "mom's sitting right here, you can talk to her" and his ex fights with him over the phone and says mean stuff and does name calling to him with the kids present. Then she hangs up the phone and "gets a headache" and my step son has to "take care of mommy because daddy made her sick".
On top of it all, she drags my husband back to that state over whatever she can come up with and back into court. None of the court dates ever happened because my husband bows his head and does as she tells him to do. He has just given in to her because he says we can't afford to fight her. It is causing problems and she just laughs and tells him: "I told you that you would never be able to divorce me!" The icing on the cake, was when the ex took the two kids to her brother's GAY WEDDING! Now, my husband and I knew her brother was gay and dating someone, but discretion was always priority when it came to physical contact. We have picture of the kids, at the wedding with the two men kissing! My husband was floored!
NO MATTER WHERE WE GO, WHO WE CALL, WHAT WE DO, the State of Maine puts up a brick wall and says; "No laws against poor parenting" which is what CPS labelled his ex as doing. These children are detrimentally shy and my stepdaughter gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time. The Guardian Ad Liteum wanted pics of our place, but none of his ex's mothers. Mind you, his ex, the boyfriend, the parents and the children are all living in a modified trailer that was once a 3bdrm singlewide. His ex is trying to build onto it with her tax return money every year to make it a double wide. IT ISNT EVEN HER HOME! When my husband told her he would report her, she just said "go ahead, mom and dad will sign the trailer over to me so I show I have residency for the kids". SHE CANNOT SUPPORT HERSELF AND PROVIDES NO SUPPORT FOR THE KIDS!! The kids are a nuissance and a check to her. THAT IS IT! We dont know what to do. We are moving to CA and are looking for some federal child neglect law that we can fall under to assertain the kids for the summer, and then hold them with us in that state and file something where we are to obtain residential custody. How do we do that? In the meantime, we are limited on funds. We have four children of our own, plus my two step kids and my husband was court ordered to pay for all the transportation costs of his children and his ex mandated that he accompany the children on every flight (which means four round trip tickets instead of two). He was even court ordered to pay for the storage unit IN FULL that housed HER STUFF since she was "unemployed". PLEASE HELP!!!

[mmmagique]

What is your question?

[525601minutes]

I started to read your post and got sidetracked by this thought.... what makes you think the issues these kids are having - wetting their pants etc - are caused by poor parenting by the mother? MAYBE just MAYBE the kids have issues because their dad moved away????

I stopped reading your post when you flew off the handle because the children were taken to a wedding ceremony between two adults who love each other...

[xlfamily]

What grounds would I have to modify my divorce case where my ex can't even support herself and has made comments to family that the kids are a burden? (She will not admit these facts to the court because she needs her child support check).

I started to read your post and got sidetracked by this thought.... what makes you think the issues these kids are having - wetting their pants etc - are caused by poor parenting by the mother? MAYBE just MAYBE the kids have issues because their dad moved away????

I stopped reading your post when you flew off the handle because the children were taken to a wedding ceremony between two adults who love each other...

I'm sorry you found what I said to be offensive. I am here for advice on my case, not judgement. I do not support gay marriage, but I do understand everyone needs someone in their lives. My ex tells our children that their uncle has a "friend". She does not support the idea either but wanted to be there to stand up for him at his wedding. Why confuse the children?
And to reply to your comment about the wetting, I KNOW she wets for attention, but this did not start until her mother tried living in her own apartment and left the kids with anyone who would watch them. My daughter only does these things at her mothers home and my ex calls me and wants me to reprimand our daughter for what she does. I cannot control how my daughter acts out at her moms. That is why I am here. To find out how to obtain my children and get them back on track.

[525601minutes]

You are right - I should not have brought my personal thoughts in to the legal issues of your case.

[mmmagique]

Without a significant change in circumstances, you have no recourse.

And third party he said/she said is generally misstated anyway.