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  1. #1
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    Jan 2009
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    Question 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation

    I have a 12 year old son, who doesn't want visitation (overnight) anymore. He is uncomfortable with the environment. At what age can this happen? My son has finally spoken to his father on what is bothering him, and his dad flushed it out and turned it on him. At which point, my son told me his wishes and I called his dad to tell him. He of course became indignant, and said that when he (the son) can respect his wishes and he calls to want to see him then fine.

    Can I just stop this entirely?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation Michigan

    If there is a court order for visitation and you aid your child is ignoring that court order YOU will be found in contempt. Your son can stop visiting his father when he is an adult (18) and the court no longer has jurisdiction over him.

  3. #3
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    Red face Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation Michigan

    There is no specified visitation. It is just reasonable, and I have full custody.

    If I am held in contempt for my child's well being - then there is really something wrong with the court systems.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation Michigan

    Being you did not state the reason why your son does not want to go to the visitation. If it is something illegal going on at the other parents house. Then I would report it to the proper authorities. Informing them of the illegal activity. Then once the police report has been made you have leverage for your reasoning behind not allowing your son to see his father.

    Being there is no specified visitation it would be hard to hold you in contempt.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation Michigan

    Because a 12 year old says I don't want to, and you want to buy into whatever story he's giving you does not make it in his best interest. Remember, you are entering manipulative preteen world...

    If mom begins to withhold visitation, it won't be that hard to hold her in contempt.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation

    The child isn't comfortable being over there. According to him, there is heavy drinking going on and he doesn't like driving home with them. In counseling, it has come out that his father has lifted him up by his neck against the wall. His father is making him fearful of a lot of anger. As well as, documentation of the mind state of returning from his dads. He will see him, just not overnight. His father is refusing to see him unless it is overnight.
    I understand the "preteen" conception. However, the child tried talking to his father for four hours, and he just will not listen to what he has to say.

    When you reference contempt - is that jail?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation

    Initially, no. It doesn't mean jail. However, if you keep disobeying the court, it could mean that you are no longer the custodial parent. The custodial parents job is to facilitate a relationship between the NCP and child, not listen to the child and do what they say. Often, you have to make children do things they don't want to. They have to do things and be put in positions where they are uncomfortable. Your solution to what to do when your child is put in an uncomfortable situation is to let him not deal with it. A responsible parent would make him deal with it and teach him HOW to deal with it. There are a gazillion times when your child is going to be put in uncomfortable or difficult situations. You can't hide him from them all.

  8. #8
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    Talking Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation

    I found this out through Macomb County Friend of the Court. It seems that MI must be different than CA

    My parenting time order indicates I have reasonable parenting time rights. What does that mean?
    Answer:
    Reasonable parenting time is a legal term of art. Quite simply, it means whatever is reasonable between the two competing parties. There are a number of parenting time schedules which would equate with reasonable rights of parenting time, such as alternating weekends. However, without a specific parenting time schedule, it is virtually impossible to enforce denial of reasonable rights of parenting time. The Macomb County Family Court has adopted a reasonable parenting time schedule which can be readily enforced. If you have difficulty operating under a reasonable rights of parenting time theory, it is suggested that a motion be filed to specifically delineate the non-custodial parties’ parenting time.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation

    Here's what you are missing. If you begin to withhold visitation, when he's been excersing it because YOU feel like you should, YOU are being unreasonable. He is not agreeing to your unilateral decision. Take it in front of the judge. They will not be amused....

  10. #10
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    Default Re: 12 Year Old Boy Doesn't Want to Have Overnight Visitation

    Quote Quoting taps23
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    There is no specified visitation. It is just reasonable, and I have full custody.
    What you have is an established pattern of visitation, and it sounds like a very long-term established pattern. Even if it's not set forth in the court order, it's not something you are free to unilaterally change (let alone terminate).

    If you believe that there are grounds to suspend visitation, you are expected to bring a motion before the court and prove your case to a judge. If you suspend visitation and end up before the court on the father's motion, you're going to find yourself on the defensive. You can expect that the judge will want to know why you feel like you don't have to obey his orders, and why he should trust that you'll do so in the future.

    I could put it like this: "If you have difficulty operating under a reasonable rights of parenting time theory, it is suggested that a motion be filed to specifically delineate the non-custodial parties’ parenting time." If you don't like what you've been doing since the divorce, file the motion.

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