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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    New York state
    Posts
    4

    Default New York Child Visitation And Adoption Help

    i read that NY state law states abandonment at 6 months w/ no contact. If my daughter's biological father goes through the motions to have his name put on her birth certificate (how would he do that) and if he starts trying to get visitation with her does that automatically constitute non-abandonment.. what exactly will he have to do to be able to be on her birth certificate, have her last name changed to his, and get to have visitation with her? i dont really know how the system works, and i dont think that he'll try very hard to see her... my finace and i are going to be married in the next month at the most, and he is all that she has ever known.

    thank you,
    E.perry

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    181

    Default

    You cannot claim abandonment. Technically, he has no child to abandon at this time.

    He could either sign an affidavit of paternity of file for establishment of paternity through the court and get a DNA test to congirm he is the father.

    If he is the father and asks to be added to the BC, he will be added.

    If he requests a name change, you can contest it, but more than likely the child will get BOTH your last name and his.

    In order to get visitation all he has to do is petition for it. You can try to contest it, but usually the best you will be able to do is get a graduated visitation schedule, starting with short, frequent supervised visits that will lead to at least EOW.

    You also have the right to ask for child support.

    I understand that your bf is the only male figure that your child has ever known, but she is only 6 months old. She's not at an age where it would be detrimental to the child to have a relationship with her father. Fortunately, she is young enough to easily adjust.

    Now, I'd like to add a bit of PERSONAL advice. If dad continues to stay away and does not establish paternity, PLEASE, for the sake of everyone involved, do NOT lead or allow your child to believe your bf is her biological father. It does not matter how much he loves her or she loves him or how much of a deadbeat bio dad is, if you allow the belief to be that bf is dad, it will come back to bite you in the ass at some point. Eventually, the child WILL find out the truth. It doesn't matter if your intentions were good, if you keep the truth from her, YOU are the one she will blame. Dad will get all the sympathy. He will be able to tell her whatever he wants and she will believe it, because YOU were the one that lied to her all those years. He will likely tell her how much he tried to be a good father but you wouldn't let him and how he spent all of his time and money just trying to be allowed to be her dad. You will be made out as the bad guy. It's easier to give her as much information as you can at the age appropriate times.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    New York state
    Posts
    4

    Default i'm a little confused...

    i guess i asked most of the questions right... but i'm still a little confused on how we would/will go about a step-parent addoption... is there a certain amount of time that we have to wait before we can file w/out his dirrect concent (i mean if he has no contact w/ her for a certain amount of time)... or is there a different set of rules totally b/c he is not on her BC?

    As to the BC and her name.. if he's willing to put forth the effort which he hasnt yet that i know of (when would i be notified of any action to the effect?) but i do not mind, him even being able to see her.. she deserves to know and be able to see her real dad...

    i have somewhere an email where he says that he only wants to see her every other weekend or so, and he wants me to be there with them because he admits to not really having any idea what to do with/for her... the weekends would have to 'fit' with his work schedule also, which sometimes he ends up being mandated to work...

    As to personal things, she will know her real father from the beginning, and when she's old enough she will know that she can decide for herself whether she wants to visit with him or not... i worry about her seeing him only because he threw us out when i was around 6 and a half months pregnant with her, and made no attempt to contact us until right before she was born... he is an admitted alcoholic, and emotionally abusive... legally he is cheating on his taxes, and hasnt filed in probably four years... i worry about when she is old enough to be impressionable, and hurt by everything that he does.. but i could never and would never lie to her... my bf just wants to adopt her so that with or with out her bio dad she can have a family...

    thank you

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    181

    Default

    At this point, he's not legally the father. If you want to go through with a step parent adoption, the court will want to make sure that you have notified the biological father, whether or not paternity was ever established. If he had never had any contact with the child, you would have a strong case for the adoption IF you can prove he was aware the child could have been his, yet did nothing. If he claims he never knew, you're probably out of luck.

    If paternity is established and the situation meets the guidelines for your state to allow terminating his rights, you still have to do everything possible to notify him of the motion to terminate his rights. If you really have NO clue as to how to find him and have exhusted all resources available to find him, you may be allowed to notify him by publication.

    As far as the BC, if he HAS established paternity and had a court order that stated the child's name was to be changed, no you wouldn't be notified if he took care of it. He can't establish paternity without your knowledge though.

    Just because the court gives a person visitation RIGHTS, does not mean that person is REQUIRED to use them.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    New York state
    Posts
    4

    Default

    i can proove that he knows she is his, as well as when she was born.. and even when we last had contact..

    so at this point it sounds like all we really have to do is wait... and if he does nothing, when we file for adoption then we can try to have is rights terminated because he hasnt had contact with her? or even tried to establish paternity to put himself on her BC...

    i do know how to contact him, (the last time that he and i spoke was when i told him that i wanted him to legally set up to be able to see her, that i wouldnt fight him for it because i think that she deserves it.. that was over a month ago and i have recieved no notice of his attempt to prove paternity. i tried to have his name put on her BC in the hospital but they would not let me w/out his signature and info.. since he wasnt there it didnt happen)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    181

    Default

    Once you have been married for an acceptible amount of time (at least a year) you can go ahead and file for the step parent adoption. If he hasn't even bothered to establish paternity, he would still be named as the probable father to the child being adopted and you would need to attempt to serve him with the papers. But if he has no interest in the child, I wouldn't worry much. He only has to show up if he wants to CONTEST the adoption.

    Even if paternity IS established and he pays support or stays in contact between now and when you file for the adoption, it doesn't automatically mean the adoption will be denied. If everyone is in agreement, a step-parent adoption is usually granted enve when the biological parent doesn't meet the other requirements for termination of parental rights. In NY, failure to establish paternity alone is not enough to terminate parental rights, but you can use the child's best interests as the reason instead.

    Here is a couple of site with info for NY.

    http://public.leginfo.state.ny.us/menugetf.cgi

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