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  1. #1

    Unhappy How Do I Stop a Suspected Immigration Fraud

    A few months ago, a Chinese lady from the Philippines married my father. My father had been talking to her for a while and they eventually decided to get married. I don't know how this came about, but when it did, it was quick. The moment she arrived, it was only a week before they went to Los Vegas to marry.

    My father had said to me that he did not want her here yet because of the two room apartment we were living in. My father said she would come anyway.

    Ever since the marriage though, she has changed. She doesn't even talk to me anymore. Where ever I am talking, she would leave to the other room. She ignores me and even turns her head away from me when I say good morning, which is weird...

    When my father leaves, she talks to me about my fathers money situation. We have our own business and it is not very profitable at the moment, but I believe in it and so does my father. She says "I feel that I am a burden on your father because I am not making any money." but my father has objected to her getting a job.

    When I saw her talking to her children online, I asked if I could talk to one of her sons and she said that he has to study. It has been that way for a long time...

    To shy to talk to her about her obvious ignoring me, I sent her a message in text and confronted her. She did not even reply and instead showed it to my father.

    It was a week later that she came to me, before my father has entered the house, and "cried" about how hard she was trying. It had nothing to do with her trying, but about the fact she was trying to issue commands to me. I was extremely calm and she acted like I had abused her.

    My father basically entered the room and listened for a while and then I got in trouble for complaining.


    As of now, commands of the household hold have been slowly turning toward her influence. My father is even being told when to go to bed now. At one point, she even told my father to go to bed after he had been sleeping all day (due to sickness) and waited for him to close his eyes before she went online to chat with friends from the Philippines.

    Before my father wasn't going to work for someone else, but now he has been thinking about it because she has been talking to him repeatedly about it.

    I have heard her talking about me too; hinting on my problems and the loss of my job. Though I have been looking for three months now, she has said to my father that I "do not like to work".

    I confronted her about it again when she broke her silence to talk to me about dad's money issues. She said she was only joking, but my fathers has even threatened to kick me out of the house.

    It is only through God's will that I am still in this house, but now my father is complaining about my food intake. We have never been short of food. I only eat two bowls a day of rice and left overs. I suspect she had an influence here as well.


    I am not a perfect person and I realize that the apartment is too small for any privacy to have sex, but something it seriously going on here. I did some research about immigration fraud signs. The ones in bold I have noticed, though I am not my father.

    Warning signs:

    * Often, the woman has more than one previous marriage

    * Her children have noticeable behavioral problems, or she appears to be abusive toward her children
    * She restricts your access to her documents (such as her divorce records, children's birth certificates, her passport, etc)
    * She does not likes to be photographed or seen with you
    * While in her home land, you are not introduced to her friends, or your introduction is abrupt and cold
    * While in her home land, you are either not introduced to the woman's family, or her family seems cold and distant toward you
    * Erratic or inconsistent behavior on her part during dating, or one of her parents exibits erratic behavior toward you
    * During dating, she often becomes snappy and cold
    * Inconsistent but overall reasonably good relationship before the marriage and a drastic change to the worse after the marriage
    * After marriage she refuses sex except for times when she wants something from you (a car, a credit card, a separate bank account, etc);
    * She demands separate living arrangements (different bedrooms or even apartments); or separate credit cards and bank accounts;
    * She is very unsatisfied about your social or financial status; demands expensive purchases that she knows you cannot afford; gets angry, cold, or violent when refused her demands
    * Does not socialize with your family or children; treat them with disrespect
    * Does not invite you to socialize with her friends
    * Behave in a secretive way; has friends that you find shady or unpleasant

    I heard her threaten my father that she would move away if he wasn't quieter when she slept.

    She hasn't been angry but very suggestive about getting what she wants.

    When she was online with my father, she only let my father talk to her baby niece and son. She didn't even tell her family much about my father. (That's what my father said anyway.)


    My only disagreement with her at first was that she did not believe in my fathers business and wanted him to get a regular nine to five. She still does not believe in my fathers business...

    From what I gathered before she came here, she had a husband who was a rebel in the Philippine conflict over there. She claimed that he was abusive to her, drank a lot and that he slept around with other women.

    My father is still in love with her. If this is a scam, how would I be able to convince him otherwise. What proof could I get to cause my father to see what I see?

    I'm in Newark, New Jersey...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Behind a Desk

    Default Re: How Do I Stop a Suspected Immigration Fraud

    You don't like your stepmother? Get over it. That's not "immigration fraud". That's life.

    If you're a grown-up, living with your dad and stepmom in a two bedroom apartment, perhaps it's time to get your own place.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006

    Default Re: How Do I Stop a Suspected Immigration Fraud

    Your only recourse is to try and protect yourself and your self interests. Unless your father is suffing from some mental illness he is free to do as he pleases. It is sad and happens everyday, but your father is an adult and can make his own decisions. You are free to council him and tell him your concerns, but in the end he can do what he wants. If things are as bad as you say, you need to find a way to protect yourself. Your energy would best serve in that, rather than worrying about convincing your father.

    During the immigration process, the interview and evidence presentation, a good ICE officer will see the same things you are seeing, if they are the way you describe. Going to Vegas to marry after one week together will be a big red flag.

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