Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    2

    Angry Mostly Absent Father Threatening to Take Custody of Daughter

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of:VA/OK

    My story is a long one so please forgive me while I go over some background details:

    I was married in 1998 had my daughter in 1999. My husband was part of a cultish type of church and would talk about how our infant daughter should be spanked to teach her "who was boss", he gave nearly all of our money to the church as a tithe very often leaving our daughter and I without food. When my daughter was around 16months old he informed me that the head pastor of his church advised him to divorce me. We went to court and he was granted Wednesday evening visitation for three hours and every other weekend overnight visitation. He stopped exercising his right to the Wed visitation within 6 months.

    When my daughter was four she started experiencing terribl e nightmares and behavioral disturbances, my daughter was normally a quiet and subdued child, so this was quite alarming to me. She was quite angry at me and she would talk about killing herself. She resisted visitation with her father very much. At this same time father was living with a woman whom he had gotten pregnant within two months of dating her and was planning on marrying her soon. None of my business, I made sure my daughter continued her visitation regardless of how much she resisted. Because of dd's behavior I took her to a child psychologist. My daughter revealed to the doc that during visitation with her father on Valentine's Day weekend, that her father and his gf put my daughter outside at night (they lived in an apartment complex but all the doors opened to the outside), we lived in VA and the temps in Feb are pretty cold. The reason for them doing this, she was crying and they told her to stop because of the neighbors upstairs and then she called the neighbors "losers", so they locked her outside in the middle of winter. She wasn't out there all night but "for a while". My daughter also revealed to the doc that father's gf would hit her and bite her when her father would leave her alone with gf. The doc said that children dd's age do not lie about these things and called CPS. She said it was a textbook case of abuse and dd's anger at me was because dd probably felt as if I were not protecting her by making her have visits with her father. Basically CPS was unhelpful, they said it was a case of "parental alienation" although my daughter relayed the same events to them. I think CPS was bias, I was a single mother who had recently lost her job, was living with my parents, and was on medicaid, my ex at this point had hurried up and married gf, they had their own place and appeared to be a stable couple. CPS dropped the case and warned me not to report anything again.

    December that year my ex said my dd could come over to get her Christmas gifts but that his new wife would not allow dd in their home for longer than an hour. After that visit he packed up all the things dd had at their home into my vehicle and said goodbye essentially forever. My daughter, although she resisted visitation felt a great sense of rejection and cried all night long, she had only just turned five.

    My daughter's father did not see my daughter until Dec. 2007, at this point my daughter was almost nine. I had called him about child support I had not received and we started having a friendly conversation. I said that maybe enough time had passed and he could start slowly regaining a relationship with dd by having visitation for a few hours at a public place, just him and her. Two weeks later dd had a Christmas recital at school and I invited him, he did show up, with his wife and two daughters with her. Then after that no visitation until Spring. I can't exactly remember how it went down but he wound up having my daughter overnight, I think it was for Easter. In the summer I invited him to dd's birthday party, to which he declined because his wife was pregnant again and she didn't want to meet her husband's ex in laws being swollen. Instead of her staying home and him bringing his daughters to the party he just didn't go, dd was disappointed. Visitation continued very inconsistently every other month at best up until Feb. DD said that during these times she rarely got to see her father and it was almost always wife picking up and dropping my dd off with me, not her father. There was no animosity at this point and I contributed wife's behavior towards my dd years ago to post partum depression.


    continued in next post...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Very Long Story.mostly Absent Father Threatening to Take Custody of Daughter

    All during the time that I had started speaking to ex again he would call and tell me how horrible his wife is. Ex also has a son with another woman who just turned six this February, he hasn't seen his son since that Christmas he packed all my daughter's things up. According to ex he can't see his son because his wife said his son is a bastard who doesn't deserve a father because his father made the decision not to marry his mother. He relayed many, many of these horrible type of things his wife said about his children (mu dd and his son).

    A few things always bothered me about recent visitation, my dd always felt like a stranger, they did not make their home her home. She slept on a roll out cot and there were no toys for her ot play with (she is quite a bit older than their children together). Visitation was inconsistent and there was no communication between my dd and her father in between visits. And petty but on their facebook and myspace pages no mention of my daughter only their daughter's together.

    I had been planning to move here to OK for some time to live with my fiancee and marry him sometime in the next few months. My situation in VA was less than ideal for my children (I eventually remarried and had two other children but husband was mentally ill and had abusive behavior so we divorced). I was living with my parents in a small house, we lived in an area with a horrible school system, I could only find low paying jobs which didn't pay enough for me to live on my own (VA has a high cost of living), and I had to quit all those jobs because my middle child is autistic and my youngest child has ADHD and childcare was a huge issue. I told ex and his wife about my plans to relocate and they were happy for me, they told me that I should do it and that they supported me and that they would be sad to see dd go but they understood that it was in her best interest. On February 11th I left VA and moved to OK.

    Since I moved here I have had a terrible time getting my child support. The first time I requested it after it was late ex's wife contacted my fiancee through his work e-mail and started telling lies about me, almost destroying my relationship. He got over it after he realized it was ridiculous for him to believe someone he didn't even know over me. Ex sent me a revised visitation schedule to have notarized and return to him. Its kind of unrealistic and requests that I pay all travel costs. He wants me to return every spring break which is only a week long it takes a minimum of two days travel to get from here to VA and then another two days to get back to OK. Then he wants me to return on Thanksgiving one year (which is only a four day break from school) and Christmas the following year, and then every summer (which I intended on doing anyhow) and during the summer he is requesting to see her only two times. Two times? That is kind of a half butt visitation if you ask me and doesn't send my dd the message that she matters to him. Well, I haven't been able to get it notarized because I haven't had the extra funds to do so and because I don't think I want to sign a binding agreement that I don't think is in my dd's best interest. I have no idea returning every summer but I expect consistent visitation (I brought that up to him and he said that that wouldn't go down very well) but Spring Break and Thanksgiving will be nearly impossible to be able to do every year. I have had many expenses this month, my phone broke (we have no landline) so I had to put down a $200 deposit for a loaner phone from Best Buy so my phone could be sent off to be repaired, my middle child required stitches and I had to pay a large portion of the expenses up front, and then I had to go to the ER myself this Wednesday and I have a huge co-apy for ER visits with my insurance. Times have been tight. My second half of March's child support is nowhere to be found. I sent ex a text asking if he could please send it, I need to buy food and its the end of the month. In addition my insurance plan which is a COBRA plan my second ex pays for expires on April 1. I have a job but it doesn't offer benefits so I need to put the children on Medicaid. I also texted him asking if he could send a statement regarding how much support he pays because the Medicaid office needs that info for the children to be approved (ex does not provide insurance for my dd never has). He sent me a text saying he will "try" to mail out the support on Friday April 3rd (this is March's support) but he won't send me the statement for Medicaid until I return the notarized agreement.

    An hour later I received a slew of texts from him (but written with his wife's style) stating that our dd should never be running low on food and that since times are so tough dd should live with him and given my circumstances a judge would agree. I did not respond. Our daughter's entire life I have made sure that she had everything she needed, one time, things get really tight but only because of unexpected expenses and the lack of child support from HIM and he is calling me unstable (in other texts I received last night because I have been divorced twice and am remarrying) and threatening to take custody. He has told me in the past that our daughter is a wonderful child and taht it has nothing to do with him since he was absent and he has thanked me for taking such good care of her. My daughter is wonderful, she has high self esteem, gets straight A's, is kind, and sweet, she volunteers, she has already applied and won two small scholarships for college (she wants to be a pediatrician). I am very proud of her and he is right he was absent from her life so it has nothing to do with him.

    Given the history of the case does my ex stand a chance of taking custody of my daughter? I don't think he does but I have read some surprising things when it comes to the courts. I am a little worried because they have money for a lawyer and they live in the jursidiction and I don't. Please I would appreciate any opinions and thank you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,773

    Default Re: Very Long Story.mostly Absent Father Threatening to Take Custody of Daughter

    I'm sorry, but very few people will be willing to read a post this long.

    It will help if you shorten it down to the basics, such as do you have any existing court orders, etc.

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Similar Threads

  1. How to Start a Custody With an Absent Father
    By singlemom87 in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 03-10-2011, 01:22 PM
  2. Absent Father of 13 Years Now Seeking Visitation of Daughter Who is 15. Florida
    By poeyrose in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 03-09-2011, 12:49 PM
  3. Changing a Child's Name: Change Daughter's Name, Mother's Absent, My Parents Have Custody
    By jlisdaman in forum Name Change
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-11-2009, 02:56 PM
  4. Grandmother and absent father threatening me
    By mommyto3girls in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-07-2006, 04:22 PM
  5. absent father after 4 years going for sole custody!
    By Jaime in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-14-2005, 11:58 AM
 
 
Sponsored Links

Legal Help, Information and Resources