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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    26

    Default Where's Mom

    Just seeing what others think....

    Situation is dad and I (stepmom) have joint custody of his child with physcial custody and mom has joint and visits 1x a week and every other weekend.

    Mom doesn't have a car.

    When mom is supposed to pick up from our house for her weekend (normall picks up from school but there is no school some fridays), do I let the child go with someone else? She has been sending random people over with the child to drop off, but I don't feel right letting the child go with these other people.

    Also- mom went behind our backs and added someone's name to child's pick up daycare list, and they picked child up this week. Everything with daycare is in our names, not sure how this happened without our knowing. What about this? Does mom have right to say whomever can pick the child up from daycare? Daycare was kind of like "oh sorry".

    Frustrating!

    thanks!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Where's Mom

    The problem here is that mom's not sending people who are responsible adults? If not, why are you turning this into a conflict?

    If your husband has a problem with the people his ex- is using to facilitate her visitation, he should talk to her about it and try to work something out. If he doesn't, then you should consider the issue closed.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    26

    Default Re: Where's Mom

    The problem here is that we don't know these random people she sends to do her transporting.. that is what bothers us. We don't know their last names, their driving records, or anything else that may be revelant.

    Mom won't talk to us unless she wants something.

    I really hate to go to court for something this small; it seems like a catch 22 because we can complain but then we'd be the ones always transporting the child 4x a week to and from.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Las Vegas Nevada
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: Where's Mom

    hmm, I could definetly see your concern, you don't know if the children are in danger, could they be caught in between a dispute with the police, because of these people, when they are alone (with no parent around?) that would send them to a child protection agency til one of the parents come. I have learned, the hard way, that when these things happen or anything not formally agreed on by both parents, the Man will ask - how could you be so irresponsible and endanger the fate of the children.
    thing is you don't know them, but the mother claims to have trust in them. So what type of parent is she, liberal, strict? I am sure these issues came up in the relationship before it disolved. So question is, 1.
    how can you build the disolved relationship to a functional parental safenest for the sake of the growing children. 2. What ways can you come to that will place confidence in this exchange. 3. And how are you going to make it binding and lawful so if a can of worms come to your front door (God forbid) the mature and responsible parent can maintain the courts favor and work together to keep the children safe? am I right?
    I mean, who sends several people to pick up the children? Unless she has a big family, A busy mom shouldn't have time to have built so many secure relationships with other people really. Are there drugs, does she work?
    This is just what I have learned over the several years of going to court for my own children. I have had no car, but I took the bus to get them, and he would leave if I was late. Its been aweful, but I definitly pushed me to get on the good side and to be more prepared for life.
    Maybe another time is better for her to pick them up. in that case a notarized addendum or something stating the time, the person, the location.
    Maybe a list of the trusted contacts, if there is no one available, sorry but she has to make better arrangements, ask to leave work early (call in sick for goodness sake, these are your children!) and this is what the courst will most likely say. a list of trusted contacts with cell contacts and the I suppse that the most you can ask for without voilating some kind of privacy issue. But they are your Children and you have the right to know who has them. And you will have to trust her judgment as well.
    At the very least have a secret password so the pick up person can verify who they are. my goodness its just a kidnapping or something waiting to happen. Especially if there are drugs involved - Just what are these children seeing?
    And have everything on paper. If she disagrees, then thats a sure trip to court where she will be forced to do so. This is assuming there are really a multiple of people coming. If its the same people - try building a relationship with them - after all they come every weekend right? No mature adult will disagree with a parent trying to protect their children. they may respect you more.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    26

    Default Re: Where's Mom

    Thanks for your input...I appreciate your willingness to do whatever for your kids. I wish I was dealing like someone with you. Part of me tries to look at it as "tough love" and maybe it'll make her grow up, but she just acts like she doesn't care sometimes.

    mom doesn't work.. hardly ever has. She has a pill problem... and no she doesn't have good judgement. That's why we are worried!! She is married to a felon x3 who is in jail now for child neglect.

    her dad comes over a lot with the child, but will not speak to me. I try to say hello and he ignores me...

    we never even see her.. how's that for communication. I thought that's what joint custody was about? how can it work if we never see her, and she won't talk to us on the phone without crying and hanging up??

    It's just frustrating that she went behind our backs and did that. We wrote a letter to her asking that she or her parents be the only ones to check the child out from daycare. Sometimes the staff need to communicate whether the child had a problem that day, and I fear that it won't get back to the parent so they can handle it at home if other people are picking up. Plus, our child is one that needs to know who is picking her up- she is very orderly and structured.

    So.. we'll see. We're just going to stick to "either you or your parents need to pick up". I see no reason why she can't get off the couch to go with whomever to pick the kid up from daycare. I apprecaite everyones help!

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