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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009

    Unhappy Should I Drop a Domestic Abuse Restraining Order

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: wisconsin.
    i lived with my boyfriend josh for 2 years. he wasnt physical or anything but i just wasnt happy so i moved out and broke up with him. a few months later i met tom and we started dating. when josh found out he started harrassing me.. calling and texting and randomly stopping by my house one day he wouldnt leave and i had to call the police. night tom and i saw him out and he ran up to us and grabbed my arm and wouldnt let me go and finally tom and i got out of there and i went to the womens community center the next day and they helped me file a domestic abuse restraining order. josh now needs to leave me alone for 2 years.
    well i made a huge error. at the end of december, tom broke up with me (right before christmas) i found out he had met someone else. suffice it to say, i was heart broken. i needed someone.. yes i had friends and family but i needed something more.. do you know what i mean? so being a complete idiot.. i called josh. he came and picked me up and we spent a few weeks together. i didnt drop the restraining order and i didnt tell anyone. i was completely selfish. i was honest with josh, however, that i wasnt over tom and idk just honest about why i was there with him. well a few weeks later tom came and wanted to be with me and of course thats all i wanted and i went back with him. weve been together since then and i do love him but i just dont trust him that hes not going to find something better again and leave me. and lately ive just been miserable. there are just so many things with tom thats just not right. i have to weigh my words and tip toe around him and i just feel like i cant make mistakes, ya know? so the last week ive been feeling like i should leave him. and ive been thinking about josh again. thats what tells me this isnt right. i dont know what to do. maybe i should just be on my own. part of me just wants to drop the restraining order and break up with tom and go back to josh. and the other part still cares about tom but i know ill never be able to completely be myself with him. i dont want to live my life like that. im just so unhappy and confused right now. so if anyone has read that whole forum.. my question is.. should i drop the restraining order and if i decide to.. how do i do it?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Should I Drop a Domestic Abuse Restraining Order

    First, get yourself some counseling. Until you get to a place where you are ok with being by yourself, you are going to remain a prime candidate for ongoing emotional pain - because you will continue to act out of desperation to have someone, rather than pursuing a relationship because it is a positive addition to life. Desperation, whether emotional, financial, or otherwise, makes us make BAD decisions. Figure out that a breakup doesn't mean that you have to go running to the next best or available option. Relationships are not life rafts, and when you get into them for that reason, you're more likley to hit an iceberg than you are to flourish. Instead of grasping, learn to swim - it'll help ensure that any relationship that you make a healthy choice to be part of has a fighting chance.

    Second, whether by your invitation or not, Josh is risking jail every time you two are together. The fact that you had to get an order in the first place, coupled with him being willing to violate that order, should be a HUGE red flag that no matter where YOU stand emotionally, Josh isn't in a emotional place to have a healthy relationship AND is in dangerous waters where he could end up facing CRIMINAL charges. The overly jealous and confrontational behavior he has already exhibited does not bode well for things to be roses and daffodills - that type of controlling attitude doesn't mesh with....what...?...HEALTHY relationships (sure, it does while HE is getting what he wants and is happy, but it doesn't bode well for YOU).

    If for whatever reason you want the order dropped, contact the clerk of the court and follow the steps to bring your petition before the court. Remembering however, that once you DROP the order, should you need another one, against Josh or anyone ELSE, you will have a MUCH more difficult time.

    Finally, keep in mind that the only thing that is the same about every relationship that you are that YOU are in it. Repetitions of unhealthy elements or cycles mean that you are making similar decisions. Get some help figuring out what is motivating your decision making or overwhelming needyness - because continuing to do what you've always done, will usually result in continuing to get what you've always gotten - and recently, that ain't good.

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