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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Question Suing Parents Over Childhood Grievances

    Quote Quoting benjaminwood8
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    I understand. At this stage i am just doing some informations checking. I will be making contact to get some Australian legal advice shortly.
    I do not understand the concept of -this late stage-. It is something that i have just recently and continue to overcome and have had the sanity to look at realisticly. I also look at it in a positive way as the continuing support for someone who has been money orientated and basically 'evil' (not just from my own point of view). Now that she has been shown to be NICE to people generally the consequences would be better placed now as it will benefit me to get on with life and serve as a reminder to respect people. How would you consider the time period is of importance rather than quality of life and what is well deserved?
    Then let me put it into US terms....

    You don't have a dog in this fight. You cannot sue your parents because you want to blame someone else for your crappy decision making.

    Time to be a grown up and stop blaming your childhood. People have had great lives after far worse childhoods than yours.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Ohio
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    2,006

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    If every adult who made bad decisions could go back and sue their parents, do you have any idea how over crowded the system would be? You've been making bad decisions for 8 yrs, take ownership of them. If you don't, history is bound to repeat itself.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    Because what is moral and what is legal are two very different things. Typically, once you reach adulthood, the burden of becoming a productive member of society falls on you, regardless of what a crappy childhood your parents provided. It's unfortunate that neither you nor anyone else (police, courts, social services, friends, etc.) was able to tie childhood issues to your adult behaviors, but none of that will put any legal burden on either parent for choices that you made as an adult. Sometimes people have to try a lot of harmful coping skills like drugs, promiscuity, crime, or what have you before they figure out that it's time to face the demons in life instead of running or medicating them away. In short, parents are legally allowed to be bad, emotionless, unsupportive, greedy, money-loving, non-loving, all around lousey people. As unfortunate as that is, it isn't the basis for any court anywhere putting expenses you've incurred in adulthood on their shoulders. You might have had a lack of parenting growing up, but once you hit adulthood, the responsibility falls on you to figure out what's going on with your behaviors and get the help you need, whether it be from counseling, therapy, self-help books, watching Dr. Phil or what have you. Even the parents of adult serial killers don't get held responsible for the actions of their children (at least not legally).

    Now that you're getting life back on the right track, get yourself some professional assistance to help you address these issues and come to a realistic outlook on what things you can and can't control and how to best move forward from here.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    I do not understand the concept of -this late stage-.
    You don't grasp that at nearly thirty, it's time for you to put on your Big Boy Britches and get on with things?

    I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but come now. As has already been pointed out, when you reach adulthood, it is incumbent upon YOU to fix what is broken and move on.

    How would you consider the time period is of importance rather than quality of life and what is well deserved?
    What do you think you deserve, at your age? And from whom?

    Your life is what you make of it. If you look closely, you'll find damaged people all around you. They coped, they got counseling, they got over it, and they don't blame Mummy and Daddums for every bit of suck in their lives.

    A wise one once said "You've got to put your past in your behind." Find a good counselor so you can do exactly that.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    The fortunate circumstance is that counseling is what put me here. Would you not agree that if i can slip on a grape in a supermarket and take legal action that this would be somewhat more productive. I would agree with all of what you say, take responsibility for my actions. Apply this to others. If becoming a productive member of society is the issue, dont you think a 62 year old continuing the behaviour may have an impact on those 'other' constructive members of society. I would also agree with you, my body, my lungs, my job, my future. The distinct side of the legal system is not to apply blame, it is to provide an avenue to which society can function to a constructive degree. Do you not think i have also provided the guidance once again to my mother for HER wellbeing regardless of her actions, and also that of a child who will be going through the same things that i did becuase of her ignorance. I can speed and be fined. But the argument parents have a right to be bad, non supportive etc etc is totally redicilous. If you cant raise children to be respectful to at least a somewhat decent degree, dont have them. (i have no children). Yes we all make mistakes, hence the resposibility taken by me for my body, my job etc etc. I would agree that there are people far worse out there, i have just hopefully stoped one from becoming that person who continues the cycle of abuse and neglect from the SAME woman who shows no respect or compasion for others. I think your point is 'grow up'. I would totally agree, i am 28, she is 62. I didnt have any guidance from a family that obviously needed support, and yet in helping myself i have helped the very people who cannot raise children. I beleive this to be wanting something in return, a quality of life, stopping the cycle. Given that i do take under my wing, bankruptcy, bad credit, loss of 8 years earnings, homeless shelters, loss of education (of which i am fixing at my own expence), loss of relationships, loss of childhood.....perhaps this is my point in saying at this late stage. It is starting your life over....so my question remains. If i am to be a constructive member of society of which i am doing community services in order to help those. Would it not be fair (not blame) to apply these consequences (like a speeding fine) so it doesnt happen again to others, like grand children. If all ties are cut then that wont be the case, however i am still stuck with the burdens of no parenting and what realisticly are her consequences manipulated onto others, i have had counselling to resolve my issues in 28yrs. I am not questioning the horrific situation that HAS occured, i am questioning the horrific situation that will be placed on other members of society like yourself. Given that this woman has not paid one bit of child support, provided no positive emotional support, and continues to abuse and neglect people. And essentially destroy a persons life when SHE has a multitude of options, and yet i now do not. Blame is not the right word, i think it is more learning to stand up for yourself. You can see my argument relating back to the grape. Life is not fair, i agree, money, travel, cars, houses, etc etc. But being nice is free. providing guidance is free (+ or -) but for those who apply their lack of self worth to a child when they dont take the self help rd....well...another 'productive member of society' that may very well destroy your home, your life, your relationships, may become a raging alcoholic and drive and kill one of your family members.....a 35,000$ debt i feel would psycologically keep her ties with the letter of the law and also promote respect. As i have dealt with enough consequence. And ill be the first to admit no matter my age, i had the emotional state of less than a 12 yo. In fact my 11 yo nephew is more mature. Are you not totally disgusted by the implications of this woman? Legally, morally and otherwise...

  6. #6

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    To answer your question also, what do i think i deserve? A future, options, the respect i deserve, to be a supportive member of the community and also now the return of consequences to those who do not promote self help, but rather self and others disctruction. I now am looking to move out, whilst the young boy is probably going to the state. Funny but if i didnt have these consequences he would be living with me, eating healthy, enjoying a movie, some security and continuing his productive education so he himself ca have the support to change like a child should. Hopefully you understand the degree to which the consequnces flow.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    Hopefully you understand the degree to which the consequnces flow.
    Big Boy Britches.

    Put them on, hitch them up.

    If you can find an attorney willing to take on this nonsense, more power to you. But it's my understanding that the courts in Oz are even less willing to entertain these ridiculous notions than the US courts are.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    Good doctor, bad patient.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    I would also extend your opinion the fact of these consequences will show and improve my parenting skills. These skills have been gained through support, not consequnce.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Suing an Abusive Neglectful Parent for the Benefit of Both Parties

    But the argument parents have a right to be bad, non supportive etc etc is totally redicilous.
    I agree. However, that doesn't make it less true in a legal arena. Until someone passes a law that says that mommies and daddies have to play and laugh and have fun and be cuddly with their children, they can get away with not doing it. Similarly, child abuse and neglect laws center around children having enough food, weather appropriate clothing, sanitary drinking water, reasonably sanitary living conditions, and a lack of physical abuse. Beyond that, parents are allowed by law to be crappy parents.

    If you cant raise children to be respectful to at least a somewhat decent degree, dont have them. (i have no children).
    Morally, I agree with you 100%. Legally, you can't stop them and you can't make them love unwanted children they DO have, you can only make them provide miminal levels of care as outlined above, or remove the children if those minimums aren't met.

    Would it not be fair (not blame) to apply these consequences (like a speeding fine) so it doesnt happen again to others, like grand children.
    Again, you are confusing fair or right, with LEGAL.


    If all ties are cut then that wont be the case, however i am still stuck with the burdens of no parenting and what realisticly are her consequences manipulated onto others, i have had counselling to resolve my issues in 28yrs. I am not questioning the horrific situation that HAS occured, i am questioning the horrific situation that will be placed on other members of society like yourself.
    It's a dog eat dog world, that's for sure. Sometimes you just have to have faith....either in God or in natural selection.

    Are you not totally disgusted by the implications of this woman? Legally, morally and otherwise...
    Yep, I'm pretty disgusted. I've seen LOTS of misery that can be directly attributed to parents acting just like yours. However, it doesn't change any of the LEGAL structure of what can be done to hold mom accountable after the fact in a civil court. If she's abusing others, THEY will have to deal with her in their own context.

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