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  1. #1

    Question Substantial Change in Circumstances

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

    A background: Parents divorced in 1999. Mother received physical custody, with joint legal custody for Mother & Father. Mother and Father have a deplorable relationship, with great difficulty maintaining civility. Father has reduced his interaction as much as practical with Mother for that reason. Father initiated divorce, and spent several years in therapy as a result of emotional abuse/controlling behaviors of Mother.

    The children are now teens, the son in H.S. has been failing his courses this year, so mother has dictated that visitation with Father is not permissible: Son is too busy with homework...the overarching priority, per Mother, is for Son to pull grades up enough to avoid being dismissed from Private School.

    Daughter still sees Father weekly, though weekend/overnight visits are minimal. Also in private school, Daughter has been paying Mother over $100/week toward her tuition, resulting in Daughter working Friday, Saturday Sunday every weekend to provide tuition $$ to Mother, and to be able to have money for clothing, school supplies and 'extras'. Daughter is not permitted to drive (has license) because Mother could not add Daughter to car insurance for $$ reasons. Daughter provided cash to mother for insurance months ago, but Mother has yet to put Daughter on Auto Insurance. Daughter claims 'verbal abuse' from mother has been ongoing for herself and brother, and that Mother takes away her cell phone, her school ID, drivers license, and bank card for the slightest infraction of house rules (which, per Daughter, are modified from week to week).

    Father pays $475/week in CS, and Mother earns $60k+. Father's position is:

    1. Daughter should not be paying Mother to cover car insurance and school tuition. Daughter should not be responsible to purchase her own clothing, toiletries and school supplies. CS is intended to assist Mother with such expenses. Note that Father did not agree to sending children to private school, nor is he obliged by court order to pay tuition.

    2. The undue pressure placed on Daughter to provide her own clothing, toiletries, school supplies and funds for social events, as well as contributing to the tuition costs, has resulted in a slipping of Daughter's grades, her self-esteem plummetting, and her not having any time for social activities with her peers.

    3. Son is being 'punished' for poor school performance by being prevented from seeing Father. Son also has no free social time, as all time he is not at school is said by mother to be spent at home with chores or homework.

    4. Daughter states she is afraid of angering mother, and will not question or challenge her. Daughter has told Father she wants to live with him, but fears the repercussions of Mother.

    Over the last 10 years, Father has watched his 'visitation' with his children be slowly chipped away. Father spent over $50k during and after divorce to prevent visitation reductions by mother. Father is now remarried w/ 2 additional children.

    Very Jaded by the MA probate court system, Father wants to do what he can for his children, but is hesitant because of the outcome of issues he's dealt with in the probate court.

    Does the information above about the children constitute a significant change in circumstances? Father has always wanted to spend more time with his children, and to have custody, but did not fight mother excessively on the topic, because of the collateral emotional damage to the children any time a court-action was active.

    There is much more to the story (isn't there always? ), and I'm happy to answer questions to clarify the situation...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,773

    Default Re: Substantial Change in Circumstances

    Do they have a court order spelling out specific visitation schedule?

    If they do, and Mom is not following the order, Dad can, and should file in court to have the order enforced.

    For all of the other issues mentioned, Dad should get a consult with a local attorney to see what his chances might be of getting a modification.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Substantial Change in Circumstances

    Quote Quoting Xena
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    Do they have a court order spelling out specific visitation schedule?

    If they do, and Mom is not following the order, Dad can, and should file in court to have the order enforced.

    For all of the other issues mentioned, Dad should get a consult with a local attorney to see what his chances might be of getting a modification.
    Xena, thank you for your reply. Father has filed with the court to have the order enforced...numerous times. Each time he goes to court, Mother retaliates with a laundry list of complaints about Father, effectively distracting the Court from the original issue at hand. Trumped up, unsubstantiated accusations fairly fly through the courtroom, mimizing the requested enforcement of the visitation agreement.

    Additionally, when Mother learns of court action, she begins anew her campaign against Father with Son & Daughter...emotionally punishing them if they speak up in defense of their Father, rewarding them (with vacations, electronic gadgets, etc.) for denigrading Father and delaying and procrastinating the court hearings as much as possible.

    Father's finances are decimated. He is still recovering from the 50k in atty debt, credit is shot, and he has no resources to secure an attorney. He has additional children as well, who would be negatively impacted (primarily, but not exclusively, in financial terms) by a protracted court proceeding .

    Thanks again for your reply...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    2,006

    Default Re: Substantial Change in Circumstances

    Quote Quoting MoreOfTheSame
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    Xena, thank you for your reply. Father has filed with the court to have the order enforced...numerous times. Each time he goes to court, Mother retaliates with a laundry list of complaints about Father, effectively distracting the Court from the original issue at hand. Trumped up, unsubstantiated accusations fairly fly through the courtroom, mimizing the requested enforcement of the visitation agreement.

    Additionally, when Mother learns of court action, she begins anew her campaign against Father with Son & Daughter...emotionally punishing them if they speak up in defense of their Father, rewarding them (with vacations, electronic gadgets, etc.) for denigrading Father and delaying and procrastinating the court hearings as much as possible.

    Father's finances are decimated. He is still recovering from the 50k in atty debt, credit is shot, and he has no resources to secure an attorney. He has additional children as well, who would be negatively impacted (primarily, but not exclusively, in financial terms) by a protracted court proceeding .

    Thanks again for your reply...
    None of the above changes what needs to be done in order to reach goals..please see Xena's previous post.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Substantial Change in Circumstances

    Quote Quoting gigirle
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    None of the above changes what needs to be done in order to reach goals..please see Xena's previous post.
    This is true, gigirle. Perhaps I was unclear in explaining the reason for my post. My question was whether or not those who frequent these boards felt as if the newly revealed circumstances for Son and Daughter could be seen as a *significant* change of circumstances. If finances were no object, then of course Father would secure counsel to pursue a custody modification. The Goal is to determine the potential efficacy of pursuing a custody change Pro Se.

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