Boyfriend Choked Me - Is it Too Late to Arrest

[isit2late]

My question involves criminal law for the state of: NY

In July 2008, my boyfriend grabbed me by an arm, pushed me up against a wall in the house and began to choke me. I never called the police... foolish... but, is it too late to press charges? The only two photos I have show the bruise on my arm. There weren't any marks on my neck once the redness faded.

I called myself foolish for not calling the police because I was also pregnant at the time. Also, it was not the first time he hit me. Prior incidents include kicking, shoving, threats.

I just need to know if I can have him arrested now, 6mos later? What, if any, would be the charge? Can I file for an order of protection?

Thanks for your help.

[cyjeff]

Not really.

You could try, but your photos are meaningless without a time validation.

For all the court knows, those photos were from your high school drama clubs rendition of "Psycho".

However, it doesn't mean you should STAY with this idiot... and I would call the police anyway. Get it documented even if nothing comes of it and the DA decides not to pursue.

[isit2late]

thanks for the quick reply.

the photos are on my cellphone and are dated. does this make a difference?

[aardvarc]

Beyond the issue of violence between him and you, there's another aspect. You were pregnant, were physically battered, and didn't report a crime (since you were pregnant, the charge is "upped" to higher status like felony) which could have potentially had fatal consequences for the child.

If you are still anywhere near or have ANY contact with this person, you need to get away...completely away...and break ALL ties before you put yourself in a position where CPS will step in and remove the child from your care for failure to protect or keeping the child in an abusive environment.

[isit2late]

Trust me, I would love to get away from this man, but all of the information I have read or been told seems to work against me... I can't leave without going to court and filing for custody, I need to prove that it's in the child's best interest because he's abused me it doesn't mean he'll abuse my child. Well, if yelling, cursing and pushing me while holding my baby doesn't make any judge understand that this man has a temper and is dangerous, then I don't know what it will take.

I feel as though I am running into roadblocks. I know I should have dialed 911 the day he choked me, but was afraid because he threatened me. I do love my baby and have since I found out I was pregnant. When victims do not call 911 it's not for lack of love for their child(ren), it's fear. I remember always saying that I would leave if a man ever abused me and that I would never stand for that kind of treatment... but that's easier said than done when you're on the outside looking in.

Now, I'm ready to leave but what are my chances of being able to move away and start a new life with my baby?

Thank you so much for your advice. I really do appreciate it.

[cyjeff]

Trust me, I would love to get away from this man, but all of the information I have read or been told seems to work against me... I can't leave without going to court and filing for custody, I need to prove that it's in the child's best interest because he's abused me it doesn't mean he'll abuse my child. Well, if yelling, cursing and pushing me while holding my baby doesn't make any judge understand that this man has a temper and is dangerous, then I don't know what it will take.

I feel as though I am running into roadblocks. I know I should have dialed 911 the day he choked me, but was afraid because he threatened me. I do love my baby and have since I found out I was pregnant. When victims do not call 911 it's not for lack of love for their child(ren), it's fear. I remember always saying that I would leave if a man ever abused me and that I would never stand for that kind of treatment... but that's easier said than done when you're on the outside looking in.

Now, I'm ready to leave but what are my chances of being able to move away and start a new life with my baby?

Thank you so much for your advice. I really do appreciate it.

I don't know how to say this any other way....

Leave. NOW. This minute. Don't worry about money, custody or anything else. LEAVE THIS MINUTE WITH YOUR CHILD.

Find a women's shelter to get you through the next couple of days. NOTHING is more important than your safety and the safety of your child.

Do not spend another minute there. The next night you stay there may be the one that gets you killed... and then your child gets to grow up with him without any tempering influence.

If you won't leave for you, leave for your child.

NOW.

[aardvarc]

Believe me - the issues you bring up are the exact same issues that most victims face when in the same predicament. There are many obstacles, and many legal pitfalls - and because most victims aren't sure what to do or they fear making things worse - either increasing the violence in the home, or doing something that will put an abuser in a powerful legal position, they stay. Jeff is right - you need to get OUT. And don't do it by yourself - there are a lot of resources, assistance, and guidance available to you to help you leave in the manner best engineered to increase safety for you and your child, as well as putting you in positive position with the courts and the status of the child. You're correct that just up and disappearing with the child can hurt your custody case later - but that's very much different than taking the child with you to seek assistance (i.e. via your local domestic violence program or similar service) when there is genuine danger. It might feel like a slight distinction, but it's a HUGE legal distinction.

Moving totally away may or may not be an option. You leaving him and the violent situation doesn't have the legal impact of cutting off his parental rights - he'll still likely get some level of visitation - especially if there's no documented cases of abuse either of you when pregnant, or of other violence occurring with the child around (documentation is your friend!). But you need to be working with a legal advocate who understands the dynamics of domestic violence and can help you to ask the court for such visitations to be supervised (and with a protection order in place, visitation can happen where the two of you never meet face to face).