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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2

    Default Neglect in Kentucky

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of:KY

    HELP!

    Most interesting story ever...

    Well first off, I am 17 and I turn 18 in April. This whole ordeal started when I turned my father in for drugs. I was tutoring dyslexic children over the summer and after work I was going and talk to a town sheriff. July 1st, 3 state police and 2 sheriffs went to my house while I was at work, and found marijuana in plants growing along the hillside and in the yard. They found 3 plants. Social Services got involved because I had a 15 year old brother, and two sisters age 5 and 2 in the house. My mother was planning on leaving my father because of the drugs. He also has sold and bought prescription medicines. I was met by a sheriff, a state police and a social worker after work and they had asked me if it was safe to go home. I had the thoughts and memories of dad saying "Ill kill you" like he threatened to do If I ever turned him in. But fear got the best of me so I told my social worker yeah but no. He told me to go on home and he would be 10 minutes behind me, If I had trouble just run. I came home and sure enough I got flipped out on and I went running and the social worker came. My parents made out like I flipped out on them and was praising him for showing up.

    July 3rd while at work, a state police and my social worker had told me that I was going to a place to stay for 3 days and I was thinking 'July 4th is tomorrow, I wanna make a special memory with my significant other'. So of course, I disagreed thinking it was wrong for me to be sent somewhere when I did the right thing. Why was I being punished, my father was not even charged for doing something illegal. I was told to voluntarily go or get handcuffed and took to juvenile prison. I went 125 miles away, without knowing where I was going, got there and was told I had to stay 10 days in a place full of kids who were on drugs. I love the irony!!! So I got sent away for doing the right thing. I got out after 10 days and when I came home things were different, I had one hour on the phone a day and had a whole slave list of chores,which I know is totally legal but add that in with the constant criticism. I thought things would be better. They never got that way.

    Hatred just built up over time and got bigger and bigger. I got a new social worker who would not help me at all. I can call him and he will tell me he is coming and not show up nor call back. I recorded my father saying he is still selling and dealing and they he is going to plant stuff on me when I turn of age and all this. But I had lost my mp3 on which I recorded it. He even had the assistant principal search my locker for it. I mean, is it not obvious something is up. So in an effort to get back at me, I am never allowed to leave the yard.

    Turns out my mother had my mp3 and she wont give it up nor let my father hear she has it. The abuse is awful here, no longer physically but mentally, Ive been so depressed. My father constantly lies on me, to get me in trouble. He even put seeds in my car that has never ran before(well not even my car, I've never driven it) to get me busted for the plants found. No one was believing me until my former social worker caught on and told me he would try to get me out of the home. He told my father he was doing wrong and it was wrong to purposely put someone in emotional distress. He got mad and walked out on the social worker.

    One instance, I got grounded from school for not completing the dishes. I ran from home and got on the bus and when I got to school, I was called in and was greeted by a cop and the assistant principal. I spoke to a guidance counselor my former social worker came to speak with me. This was before he had caught on to everything. He told me it is illegal to prevent a child from education and told me to go to class. I work hard in school, I plan to attend UK and work on a Landscape Architecture degree.

    I can control my problems better than I have. But it's just added stress on top of stress and is beginning to get hard. My girlfriend has been very true to me, even though we cannot see each other (my father took her mom to court for 'harassment'(it was a false accusation) and now we can't hang out because neither of us drive and her mom was the only one that took us out). But she has been a huge lift for my courage and strength. She was there from the start and I believe will always be there.

    My former and current social worker wants to find a place here in my county so that I can attend school for my final semester. I have never had any school issues. Ive been in Track and Field and have been voted captain since freshmen year.

    I was ordered by a court designated worker to write an explanation and turn it in to her by Dec. 19th or I go to the judge. Well my Dad says you need to go to the judge so he doesn't let me turn it in. We also have in home therapy now and they are just making it worse. I should have never requested it. They give me rules and punishments for the made up stories they hear.

    Summation
    I am getting in major trouble for doing the right thing.

    What do I do??? Thanks.

  2. #2

    Default Re: I need

    The only thing you really can do at this point is suck it up and get through the next 4 months. Once you're 18 you can leave it all behind.

    While all of this might seem extreme to you, in the big picture of life, it's not. Nothing you've described is remotely near "major trouble". You were removed from the home for your own safety for10 days, during which time social services determined that a return to the home was favorable. Remember, social services doesn't exist to make parents be nice, be fair, be emotionally supportive, etc. - the only thing they care about is that you are not being physically abused or otherwise subjected to severe neglect (ie no heat in winter, no food in the house, no running water, no hitting or other violence that leaves marks or causes injuries, etc.). It is unfortunate but true that parents really are allowed to be lousy, emotionally abusive, blaming, angry, dysfunctional, drunk, lazy, liars, and just about any other derogatory thing you can imagine, so long as they're not crossing the line of physical abuse or neglect.

    There are probably several legal ways to change your situation (emancipation, guardianship change, etc.) but none of those ways could possibly happen in the timeframe before you would turn 18 anyway and the ways out in an immediate form have already been evaluated by social services as unnecessary (ie whisking you out as an endangered child and putting you in foster care). Mom "planning" to leave....I wouldn't count on that. And while I understand that fear kept you from telling social services the whole story, they can't work with half a story and changing the story after the fact doesn't bode well for producing thoughtful investigation, much less action.

    The truthful bottom line is that you're likely going to have to figure out how to survive another 4 months. When you're 17 years, 364 days, 23 hours and 59 minutes old, you head for the door, and don't have to look back unless you want to.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    It certainly does suck. I am scared of being sent somewhere I do not want to go. I honestly do not deserve it. My father signed me into the crisis center saying I was out of control. I wish there were more programs out there to help the ones in need. Thank you for your evaluation though.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    Yes, as you got to witness for a short while, sometimes the places removed minors go aren't exactly wonderful either. If you were younger, say 12 or less, there would probably be a better possibility of social services trying harder to find a more permanent arrangement, like a foster family or with another relative - but with only 4 months to go, barring some extreme danger to you or your siblings, that's unlikely to happen. More likely, if some circumstance indicated that the living situation wasn't physically safe for all the children in the home, they'd probably pursue charges against dad and try to have him removed (ie arrested and protection order issued) to allow the children and mom to stay.

    Try to keep your focus on what will happen once you ARE able to leave, and on reducing in whatever ways you can the drama in the home until that can happen (one of the best lessons you can learn in life is that there is being RIGHT, and there is being HAPPY, and it's actually pretty rare that both happen at the same time); so even if it's not right or fair, do what you can to play along and get along (just bite your tongue and nod like you agree even if you don't) and not add any fuel to the already burning fires with your dad. That'll make the four months until you hit 18 go by much easier.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    not sure
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    526

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    Quote Quoting aardvarc
    View Post
    Yes, as you got to witness for a short while, sometimes the places removed minors go aren't exactly wonderful either. If you were younger, say 12 or less, there would probably be a better possibility of social services trying harder to find a more permanent arrangement, like a foster family or with another relative - but with only 4 months to go, barring some extreme danger to you or your siblings, that's unlikely to happen. More likely, if some circumstance indicated that the living situation wasn't physically safe for all the children in the home, they'd probably pursue charges against dad and try to have him removed (ie arrested and protection order issued) to allow the children and mom to stay.

    Try to keep your focus on what will happen once you ARE able to leave, and on reducing in whatever ways you can the drama in the home until that can happen (one of the best lessons you can learn in life is that there is being RIGHT, and there is being HAPPY, and it's actually pretty rare that both happen at the same time); so even if it's not right or fair, do what you can to play along and get along (just bite your tongue and nod like you agree even if you don't) and not add any fuel to the already burning fires with your dad. That'll make the four months until you hit 18 go by much easier.
    The advice given by aardvarc is ludicrous. No court would ever suggest that a true vicitm of abuse "suck it up" and hope for the best.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    Social services and law enforcement has already been all over this and hasn't found reason for removal or other pertinent action. No criminal charges are going to be filed, in part because the victim didn't disclose all of the information in order to maintain immediate safety (immediate safety always taking priority), and thus the investigation ceased. The OP doesn't meet standards for removal, and no circumstances outlined here point to emancipation. If the status quo of the situation stays the same, there's not going to be criminal court involvement; and, no civil case, either for emancipation or change of guardianship could reasonably complete before the poster turns 18 in 4 months. I never said the COURT would tell her to "suck it up and stick it out", only that that's the reality of the situation as outlined.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,031

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    Quote Quoting cissycicle
    View Post
    The advice given by aardvarc is ludicrous. No court would ever suggest that a true vicitm of abuse "suck it up" and hope for the best.
    Cissy I gotta disagree with you. Aardvarc is spot on...There is nothing mentioned in OP posting that strikes me as abuse. OP actually came across as ...off. Remember this kid was removed in HANDCUFFS and placed in a facility...that tells me something.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,773

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    I agree with the others. Since it is only 4 months until you turn 18, the best thing to do is to jump through all the hoops and leave on your birthday.

    Jumping through the hoops means doing everything that is asked of you, and accepting all "punishments" even if it is unfair. The main thing is that you do not want to do anything that might jeapordize your being able to leave on your birthday. You don't want to give anyone any ammunition that can be used to prevent you from leaving. I know it'll be hard, but focus on you freedom just a few months from now- it will all be worth it.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Il.(near StL,Mo.)
    Posts
    5,252

    Default Re: Neglect in Kentucky

    Agree with Xena & Baystategirl that aardvarc is "right on the money." Cissy, I have to disagree with you also on this one.

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