Advice for Domestic Violence Trial

[iaa135]

Another case related question: Does it look better for him if he attends anger management courses before he goes to trial?
He plans on attending them, but his lawyer says he might as well wait til after the trial, whereas I have read it looks better if he starts now.
He turned himself into the cops, and admitted to hitting me that one time in the face, so I think since he is cooperating, and already admitted that he did it, at this point all he can do is try to prove that he is attempting to change his ways and get counseling.

[cyjeff]

I dont remember saying I wasnt planning on getting counseling. however you need to work on your reading skills bc not once did I say I was taking him back or that he was living in this house. HE IS NOT and I did say that in a previous post. He has never once laid his hands on any of the children, either. If his "sentence" is mandatory counseling, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Heck he should have to volunteer his time doing something worthwhile, what I am saying is prison and losing his job does not seem like a punishment for this crime. If he ever touched me or another woman again, then yes he should go to jail bc he is proving it wasnt a stupid impulsive one time act that he regretted and is getting help to resolve. I know people who drive drunk, repeatedly and they get NOTHING...that is the point of my vent. I also do not want to go into court and testify against him. They have my statement they have pictures, I just want to put it behind me and move on from here to something better.

If I, a complete stranger, would walk up to you and strike you hard enough to break your nose, would you want me removed from society until I could prove I was no longer a danger to others?

So do the rest of us. The fact that you find his freedom convenient to your financial well being has no bearing.

[aardvarc]

Some judges will consider it more than others, but doing something of one's own accord before being ordered to do it by a court can't hurt. Anger management is ok, but it has the downside of making both the perpetrator and the victim believe that anger alone caused the violence (ignoring much bigger aspects like privilege) - so if there is a specific program for domestic violence as opposed to anger management, that would be the preferred course of action (anger management is often ordered when there's not a specific DV-related course in the area but is NOT the preferred choice). Again, your local domestic violence program can make the best referral, or they may actually offer such courses themselves.

If he's willing to spend some time reading up on how exposure to domestic violence impacts children, on the reasons WHY people commit domestic violence (anger is actually pretty far down on the list), and can articulate his understanding of these concepts and how they apply to his situation, that'll go a LOT further than standing in front of the judge at sentencing than just saying "I'm sorry". In other words, the more he is willing to take responsibility, understand why he thought his actions were ok at the time, that he needs help, and shows willingness to seek and get that help (for his own sake and for the sake of his kids, and maybe even his marriage with you at some point in the future, who knows), the better chance he has at convincing the court that confinement might not be the best option and that maybe probation so that he can get help and continue to support his family is a more attractive one. That's something that we here can't predict.

Also be aware that if there's not already one in place, along with even a "minor" sentence will usually come the issuing of a no-contact or restraining order. He abolutely needs to honor that order until such time as the court lifts it, lest he face additional criminal charges and certain incarceration. This can make things tuff for activities like seeing the kids, but it CAN be done with a little wiggle - again, consult your local DV program to find out about child exchange programs or supervised visitation options available in your area.

[cyjeff]

Another case related question: Does it look better for him if he attends anger management courses before he goes to trial?
He plans on attending them, but his lawyer says he might as well wait til after the trial, whereas I have read it looks better if he starts now.
He turned himself into the cops, and admitted to hitting me that one time in the face, so I think since he is cooperating, and already admitted that he did it, at this point all he can do is try to prove that he is attempting to change his ways and get counseling.

While classes prior to trial won't hurt, STOP TALKING TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!

You have an order against him. Him TALKING to you violates it.

I know you think it is another of those stupid "laws", but judges tend to take court orders pretty seriously.

[iaa135]

actually the order does not prohibit him from speaking to me. It prohibits him from abusing me further, physically, mentally, emotionally...and from staying at the house or taking my car. However it explicitly says on there we can speak and arrange visitation with the children, since he has never once harmed them.
Thanks for the heads up on specific domestic violence classes. That is not something I have ever heard of, and I guess i thought anger management was the class he needed. I will definitely look into that.

[iaa135]

While classes prior to trial won't hurt, STOP TALKING TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!

You have an order against him. Him TALKING to you violates it.

I know you think it is another of those stupid "laws", but judges tend to take court orders pretty seriously.

I am not ignorant don't talk to me like I am. You are as bad as the loser clerk in court that talked crap about me in front of me because she heard that the women there didn't speak english...not the case. So she felt high and mighty in her 30K a year job, wow high class, at least the two of you can feel good about yourselves putting people you don't know down. I am guessing there is some counseling for that also.