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  1. #1

    Default Whether or Not to Marry an Immigrant FiancÚ

    Hi there...I met my fiance in New York City over a year ago. He made it clear from the beginning that he wanted to stay in the U.S. and was looking to get married. His basic story was that he new he would never find the right woman where he was from (Israel, he's Jewish not Arab) and that he knew he was ready to start a family and a life here. I didn't trust him from the start and we had many fights about this topic. One time he said to me "In the beginning it was about staying here, but not after I met you." I walked out on him and he told me to prove it wasn't about staying in the U.S. (I am a born and raised U.S. citizen), he'd be willing to bring me back to Israel with him. That he just wanted to start a family.
    He have been living here for over a year now and become engaged. I do believe we love each other, but this though and mistrust has never left my mind for a moment and has caused serious damage to the relationship. He now denies saying that it was ever about moving to the states and it was always just about starting a family. He just wants to get married and have kids, he loves me and that's it.
    I really did not like it here when I moved here and wanted desperately to go back home. He suddenly decided maybe it was a better idea for us to live here for a few years and start to raise our children here...Since his family is close by and we'd have more help from them. He said, as did a counselor we went to regarding my trust issues with him, that his willingness to stay here and raise kids here for years proves that his intention is to be with me and not just to moe to the U.S. The counselor even said to me "So, Americans think everytime someone from another country wants to marry them they just want to be Americans?"
    He has asked me if I really think that's the type of person he is. Etc.
    Now that we've been living here for over a year, he wants to set a wedding date. He said he can file the paperwork for him to be able to work in the U.S. after we get married since I want to go back home so bad...I posed the question to him that what if I wanted to stay here. He said if it's with me, he doesn't care to stay here for a few years and raise a family.
    I still just don't trust this...I am scared to file this paperwork and am considering leaving him, because I just can't trust him from the way our relationship started. I just don't think I can marry him. I don't even wanna bring this up to him again, because he gets to mad "You're STILL thinking like this after all this time?!"
    Being in this type of business, is this a common story you hear regarding greencards for marriage? Am I being duped? I don't know what to do.

    Thanks for any replys.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Behind a Desk

    Default Re: Whether or Not to File for a FiancÚ

    We can't vouch for the guy. Speaking from a personal, not a legal, perspective - If after all this time you still suspect he's only in it for the Green Card, you're better off not getting married and not having kids until you are comfortable that he actually loves you and wants to raise the kids.

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