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  1. #1

    Default Stepchild's BioMom Making False Accusations and Derogatory Comments

    My question involves defamation in the state of: Connecticut.

    I met my now husband 6 yrs. ago. The irony is I met his ex first cos she was "Dating" an acquaintance of mine (she was still married to my now husband at the time - I did not know this), then I met their child at a friend's house who was babysitting the child & then I met my now husband. When my husband & I started to date we informed his ex before we made it know to their child as a courtesy. Since then we have had nothing but problems. My husband asked me to marry him after 2 months of dating. Again he told his ex before his child. Whenever they'd talk on the phone she would say things like "that fat f***ing whore" or the see-you-next-tues. comment re: me. After a while the comments ceased. Then she contacted CPS on us stating that we were abusing her child. It was investigated & found unsubstantiated. At the time I wanted to press charges against her for false accusation, but my husband asked me to let it go cos it would only cause problems for the child & him in regards to the ex, so I let it go. She has brought my husband back to court 6 times since we have been together due to her jealousy of my relationship with my stepchild. She's told my husband that she thinks I've sexually abused the child. She's told him that she's unhappy that I have access to info. re: the child i.e. ss# cos she thinks I'm going to use the info. to commit fraud. This yr. again she made claims of abuse against me to CPS & again it was investigated & found unsubstantiated. My husband agreed that this time we would press charges against her. A few weeks ago during a phone call (that is on tape as our atty. for the custody case suggested he tape) she made a comment about how she was happy cos at least she could fit into a size 3 (she is significantly thinner than I am, & I am already self-conscious about my weight & I really don't need her throwing it up in my face. I have a thyroid problem amongst othe health issues). She has also made comments thru the years about how I can't get pregnant (gee do you think the stress she's put me under could have anything to do with that?) I've broken out in a rash & I've had mild depression because of this.

    Also, my husband & I obtained the full report from CPS re: the most recent claim & found out that she had supposedly tried to get a restraining order against me to protect the child because of a verbal disagreement she & I had at the child's dentist office. When we read what the social worker had written it seemed like his ex had just said it to "blow smoke" to beef up her story. We went to court on Mon. to defend the 3 motions she filed against my husband recently (it's the beginning of a long haul). While we were there, we went to the clerk's office to see if in fact anything had ever been filed by her & in fact she had filed for a protective order which was denied cos it didn't "fit the statuatory criteria".

    I realize that the CPS investigations were found unsubstantiated & the restraining order was "dropped" but I'm tired of crying & suffering over the actions of this woman, especially in view of the fact that not only is it directly affecting me, but it is affecting my stepchild as well. She has prevented the child from coming to spend time with me when she knew my hsuband was not going to be here (when I spoke with the child I explained that it was not cos I didn't want the child to spend time with me, to which the child replied, "I know, it's cos Mommy says you're mean"), & then there are other times when she lets the child stay with me when my husband is not here (pretty much cos she has no other arrangements for the child).

    I want to bring litigation against her (defamation of character, slander, mental anguish, emotional distress) & really cannot afford an atty. (We are already paying for an atty. for the custody case & are starting to run out of money & a GAL has been appointed to represent the child, so we'll have to pay at least 50% of that). What can I do?

    Thank you in advance for any advice.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    It depends...
    Posts
    123

    Default Re: Stepchild's BioMom Maing False Accusations and Derogatory Comments: What Can I Do

    Other than what you're already doing, I don't really know if there is anything else you can do since you are a legal stranger in this situation. My only advice is to steer clear of the woman, and limit your time with the child to those times when your husband is around if possible.
    a verbal disagreement she & I had at the child's dentist office
    Why were both of you at the dentist's office?
    She has prevented the child from coming to spend time with me when she knew my hsuband was not going to be here (when I spoke with the child I explained that it was not cos I didn't want the child to spend time with me, to which the child replied, "I know, it's cos Mommy says you're mean"), & then there are other times when she lets the child stay with me when my husband is not here (pretty much cos she has no other arrangements for the child).
    She may have that right if that's how the custody order was written. As a step-parent, you have no legal rights to visitation. I'm not defending the mother's words or actions. I think she's out of line. But it sounds like you may be close to interfering with their child.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Stepchild's BioMom Maing False Accusations and Derogatory Comments: What Can I Do

    We were both there cos the child had visitation with my husband & I (the appt. was a Sat. & my husband got an O/T shift, so I brought the child to the dentist office where the biomom met us & accompanied child to exam - - the disagreement ensued cos when the exam was over I met up with them at exam window to pay my husband's portion of the co-pay, his ex refused to sign the receipt to acknowledge that I paid her, when I asked her for the money back since she would not sign the receipt she threw the money at me, also per their last court agreement she is required to schedule appointments for a time that both her & my husband can attend based on their regular work schedules - -she scheduled his next appt. for 2pm & my husband works till 2:30pm in another town & when I said something about the appt. she initiated an argument).

    The custody order does not specify anything regarding spending time with me or not, she just feels that she calls the shots how ever she wants.

    I am going to pursue legal channels re: the false claims of abuse & the filing of the restraining order, I was just hoping to get some guidance from here.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    WV
    Posts
    115

    Default Re: Stepchild's BioMom Maing False Accusations and Derogatory Comments: What Can I Do

    I've been threw this for 3 1/2 years now. The same go to court on false alligations investigations from cps harassment even a fight in my front yard between my dh and her bf that resulted in my dh getting stitches. I've lost count of how many times we have been to court. End result ... The step child only comes here for visits once a week for 2 hours at that time I have to go to walmart for groceries or pay a bill or what ever excuse I can come up with not to be here. Sad thing is I really like the kid but i can't take the stress anymore. When the phone rings I don't pick it up he has to. The ex's bf has a restraining order against him and isn't allowd here. Pick up drop off is at a public location. I have totally disengaged from the situation. Not my child not my problem anymore! I would never have gone to a dr or dentist appt to pay anything I would have called the office and asked what the co pay would be and then ask them to seend me a bill and go down there at either a later or earlier time to make the payment directly to them. Cold as it is I just can't do it anymore. Legally I've been told over and over again she can call the cops and cps till the cows come home they still have to come out and investigate.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Stepchild's BioMom Making False Accusations and Derogatory Comments

    Oh I totally understand that they have to investigate any allegations made, for the "child's best interest". It just sickens me how because of this woman's own insecurities & jealousy that she is screwing up her child & only thinks of "my residency" & my this & my that & not what is actually best for her child

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