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  1. #1
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    Aug 2008
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    Default Domestic Violence

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: California.


    I'm a minor, 17 years old. In May my boyfriend (whom is 18) beat the crap out of me. I didn't fight back. My father took me to the hospital and I filed a police report and got a temporary protective order against him. He was arrested and then released 2 days later. He got a restraining order against me, but I chose not to get one against him. We've got court on the 21st, I have a subpoena to appear as a witness. It's him against the state (I didn't press charges). I think his defense is that he didn't take his medication that week. We've been talking to one another since the incident. He hasn't taken the two plea bargains he's been offered since May, so he's trying to "prove" he's innocent. No one wants to see him get convicted. I believe he just needs therapy and probation. My question is if there's any way to save this. If I said I filed a false police report because I was drunk, or if I was drunk and can't remember the events that took place, what would happen to me? Keep in mind that I'm a minor and I have committed a felony once and had to do community service and probation. Don't know if that information helps or not.

    Yes, I once thought he did deserve to be put away, but I, along with others, have realized that isn't the best option. It was very stupid of him to pass up the plea bargains offered. He doesn't belong in jail. Therapy and anger management classes would do well for him. I want cold hard facts.

  2. #2
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    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    Oh, he is also presenting photos of what I like to consider Art. The pictures involve cuts and other forms of mutilation I inflicted upon myself. He said it'll show that I am mentally unstable and his defense is that I probably bruised myself and then went to the hospital claiming in a police report that he did it, when in all actuality - I did. Which is false. But I'm thinking about going along with that story for the sake of his "innocence". Knowing that, what can you say?

  3. #3
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    Sep 2005
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    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    My thoughts? Stop rationalizing the bad behavior of this abusive liar, and dump the loser.

  4. #4
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    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    Quote Quoting loldezwut
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    No one wants to see him get convicted. I believe he just needs therapy and probation.
    Which is precisely what will happen if he is convicted. If NOT convicted, then none of this will happen.

    My question is if there's any way to save this.
    Save what? You're trying to rationalize his abusive behavior ... you are exhibiting behavior common in abuse victims.

    If I said I filed a false police report because I was drunk, or if I was drunk and can't remember the events that took place, what would happen to me?
    You'd likely be prosecuted for the crime. Plus, he would be able to sue you and your family for his expenses and possibly for the pain and suffering he went through as a result of your false report.

    If you lied, you should make it right, but you will need to speak to an attorney before you 'fess up as you open yourself up to prosecution.

    Keep in mind that I'm a minor and I have committed a felony once and had to do community service and probation. Don't know if that information helps or not.
    It just means your credibility is already damaged.

    Yes, I once thought he did deserve to be put away, but I, along with others, have realized that isn't the best option.
    Unless your injuries were particularly serious, he is not likely to "go away" for the assault - at least not for long. Probation and anger management counseling are the usual end results of these first time offenses.

    However, if he rejects the plea deals, it is increasingly likely that he will get those things PLUS a little time in jail, PLUS a criminal protective order preventing him from having contact with you.

    - Carl
    **********
    Retired Cal Cop Sergeant & Teacher

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

  5. #5
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    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    Quote Quoting loldezwut
    View Post
    Oh, he is also presenting photos of what I like to consider Art. The pictures involve cuts and other forms of mutilation I inflicted upon myself. He said it'll show that I am mentally unstable and his defense is that I probably bruised myself and then went to the hospital claiming in a police report that he did it, when in all actuality - I did. Which is false. But I'm thinking about going along with that story for the sake of his "innocence". Knowing that, what can you say?
    So ... YOU are willing to go to jail (juvenile hall) so that HE can stay out? You are willing to sacrifice your freedom for his, yet he is not willing to sacrifice his for you - in fact, he's willing to throw you under the bus, as it were, to make you the villain! He's going to allege you inflicted the injuries yourself, and paint a picture of you being unstable ... this is a guy that you are willing to sacrifice your future to help?

    Hopefully your parents have enough money to pay off the lawsuit he'll have against you if you do go sideways.

    - Carl
    **********
    Retired Cal Cop Sergeant & Teacher

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    The guy is very manipulative. I've been contemplating different scenarios for a month now. I'm going to tell the truth, no I'm not, yes I am, no, I can't, blah blah blah. I've finally figured it out and wrote him this:



    I've been extensively researching for the past two days on our little legal problem. I've talked to and received advice from lawyers via phone and the internet. Every single person has said the exact same thing.

    It's either you or me going down on Thursday. If I cover up for you, everyone in that court room will see that I'm exhibiting common behavior for an abuse victim, trying to rationalize your abusive behavior. And they'll throw all of that aside. Won't matter at all.

    If you present photos proving me mentally unstable, that's even worse: inflicting harm upon "sick" people. you could've defended yourself (if I came at you first), but to continuously hit me, choke me, and then kick me in the jaw - it just doesn't look good.

    If I said I flied a false police report, I'm be prosecuted for the crime. Perjury is not taken lightly, even if I am just a minor. Plus, there's a possibility that if I am convicted of perjury, you could sue me and my family for your expenses and the pain and suffering you went through as a result of falsifying a police report and dragging you through court.
    Since I've already got a record, I'd have damaged credibility.

    Since my injuries were serious, it's likely you'll be sent to jail for the assault. Depends on how serious they take them as. Probation and anger management counseling are the usual end results of these first time offenses.

    Since you've rejected the plea deals, it's increasingly likely that you'll get those things PLUS a little time in jail, PLUS a criminal protective order preventing you him having contact with me - just like the current restraining order you have now protecting yourself from me.

    The meaning of this message is, basically, if you can make a ****ing deal with whoever it is offering the plea bargains, you better ****ing take it. You're facing some pretty shitty consequences if you don't. There's no way I can cover any of this up for you. It's the state against you, not me against you (since I didn't press charges).
    Really good job at digger yourself deeper into this, Nicholas. I told you the truth would set you free. If you don't take my advice, at least tell your attorney the TRUTH. I'm betting you haven't done that. If you're honest with him/her, they'll be able to help you better this situation. Otherwise, you're ****ed. There's NOTHING I can do.

    Keep that in mind. I don't want to hurt you, but theres absolutely no way of helping you unless I hurt myself. And you deserve whatever comes of this, because even though you don't want to think about it, you did hurt me on more than one occasion. Do the time for the crime. Learn like everyone else. I love you and I hope you choose the right path.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    My recommendation: Do NOT communicate with him. Don't send him a letter, don't call him, don't do anything. ANYTHING you send to him can end up in court, and could come back to bite you.

    Don't send the letter.

    - Carl
    **********
    Retired Cal Cop Sergeant & Teacher

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    between here and there, but you can't here from there
    Posts
    547

    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    My brother is in a bad situation from his exwife. She beat him and he defended her in court. This happened several times over a few years. She has been convicted and sentenced to community service and anger management. He has never hit her.

    She got a restraining order against him based on HIS violence towards her. Then she violated it and now he is facing Aggravated stalking under the family violence act. Very serious charges.

    And now for you:

    People that do this don't change; it only gets worse. They claim it won't happen again and it does. And again and again.

    Not taking his meds? That isn't your problem-- until he hits you. Its his. And, I suppose every time he hits you, he will claim he didn't take his meds. Guess what-- my ex sister in law makes the very same claims.

    You don't want him to go to jail? I understand that and thats ok you have a good heart. But, how will your good heart help you when he decides its time to really beat you or worse?

    Did you notice where my brother is currently charged with aggravated stalking? Thats a felony; it is serious. If you send him that letter, you, too can be so charged and since violence was involved, despite you did nothing, it come be upgraded to a FVA charge.

    Aaron said it best when he said to dump the creep. Do it and do not look back. This kid is trouble today and will be trouble tomorrow. If you want him to know how feel about it, wait until trial and read it to him, in court as a victim's statement. Otherwise, throw the letter away.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Louisville, KY
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    1,877

    Default Re: Domestic Violence

    Quote Quoting cdwjava
    View Post
    My recommendation: Do NOT communicate with him. Don't send him a letter, don't call him, don't do anything. ANYTHING you send to him can end up in court, and could come back to bite you.

    Don't send the letter.

    - Carl
    Right. And I would also never tell anyone that *if* this happened, you could sue me and my family...they might try to make it look like this *did* happen, and then, well...you know.

    You're young, and you didn't know. Just never give other people ideas about how to take advantage of a situation. (they can usually do pretty well themselves!)

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