Sexual Abuse Disclosure By a 9 Year Old

[MauiMom]

Also, as cyjeff suggested, contact the court today and find out how to obtain a temporary restraining order.

Well we had our interview today - it was painful and painfilled to say the least. The interviewer was a nice enough gal, the detective was nice too- but it was hard for our son. Apparantly, he didn't 'fully' disclose during the initial interview. They were getting ready to turn us loose, and just had a few more questions for us and him. Another interviewer (a gal more like me) went in to speak with our son and he disclosed a bit more, matter of factly, without the 'pressure' of the interview room. He didn't give details. But the interviewer came back and told us that there was a partial disclosure but they still didn't all the way believe him - thought he may be manipulating the situation and perhaps be starting or forming the beginning of some type of mental disorder. WTF? I let them know that my kids are all pretty truthful, albeit they'd find this type of situation a bit stressful and embarrassing I'm sure... I asked her to please question him about the 'secret' his father made him keep. She aquiesced to, informally, inquire.

She came out brought me in and stated he'd made full disclosure - they believed all of it as it was too detailed. They then required him to go back to the interview room and re-live it again, for the cameras, DA and Detective (behind the glass). Painful, but over I hope and now we can begin the healing process from this. I'm not sure what happens now, other than he'll go to jail and hopefully be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I, on the other hand, would like to exact my own justice. I thank you all for your advice and hope I can return the favor at some point.

Take care.

[MauiMom]

Well still nothing has been done to help keep my son safe, other than my husband and I telling lies about whether or not we are home - whether or not he is having football practice etc. Apparantly, in his disclosure in front of the 'videotape' he did not disclose 'enough' - merely that "his father and he were lying on the bed, on top of the covers, clothed. He said his father put his hands down his pant and hung onto his weiner for 10 minutes, or 45 minutes. That he told him to keep it a secret because it would hurt his family." This is more than he disclosed to me... with the caveat that his father would 'kill him' if he told the secret. The CPS folks, while courteous and not helpful. The detective in charge has 'new' more important cases that have come in and while our case is important to her... these take precedent right now. So the investigation of my ex and what he has done to my son - are on the back burner. Meanwhile, I have a little boy who has had 2 anxiety attacks in the last week and is escaping into his books and video games, lack of hunger and basically not himself.

I need to know who or what to do next now that his disclosure wasn't 'enough' on tape (even though he disclosed more to the social worker after the initial interview) and that an expert defense attorney will "tear him and it apart." The detective doesn't feel my son is 'strong enough' to do a covert call - but the social worker does. I do not want my son to endure anymore abuse at the hands of his father or the judicial system that is now, perhaps, failing him. Please advise what I can do with respect to the family courts (also if you can point me in the direction of legal assistance specific to child abused children as he certainly needs an advocate now) - what I need to file to keep his father at bay, as my son is ADAMANT that he does not want to see him ever again, wants to change his name, be adopted, move to Africa. And, I promised to keep him safe from harm. I can tell you that reunification is less than promising considering the violent vehemence with which he has expressed his anger towards his Dad.

His father continues to email me asking if he is available. Continues to call to speak with him and I was told not to speak with him- then told about an hour ago to tell him there was an investigation about his abusing our son and to bugger off (this from the detective) I feel like I am getting the run around... and no one gives a crap about my son. I am sorry for all the other abuse victims out there but he is my only concern right now. The detective told me that while this is important, there are just too many abuse cases and not enough detectives to follow them up and because he is safe with me- they put ours behind others.. does that sound right to you?

Suggestions? Direction? And thank you in advance.

[MauiMom]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

I have an ongoing thread in the abuse section. I am seeking information concerning a modification to the current custody order. After my 9 year old son disclosed sexual abuse (which the CPS considers inappropriate but only 'borderline' sexual abuse or 'minimal' but they are classing it as 'sexual abuse') CPS was notified along with the local PD. Neither have done anything as far - other than videotape my son who was petrified about disclosing the 'secret' his father has made him keep at the risk of 'hurting his family' or 'killing him' - and make a 'home visit' to OUR home and interviewing my other children to make certain we are not alcoholics. Odd that.

The social worker did say she felt that we were not at all involved in 'creating' this scenerio nor does she feel we have 'encouraged' our son to disclose something less than truthful. Yet- nothing is going forward in making certain our son never has to be alone with this man again. So I need to go forward and take matters into my own hands.

The social worker said I should go to the courts for a protective order or to modify custody. As I no longer have adequate legal council I was wondering if there is anything I can do, a'la an ex parte motion to halt all visits until we can be heard for a mod in court either in pro per or with council (I may be able to retain my previous lawyer from the initial custody hearing - jury is out on that) and if so what legal forms would be required or what is a website I can use to access this information. Any additional info would be appreciated as well.

Thanks In Advance.

[mickey68]

Have you asked the courts for a temporary restraining or no contact order as of yet?

I would call the courts tomorrow and ask how and who you need to talk with to obtain this while your childs case is being investigated.

I am sorry you feel let down by CPS, I too have been let down by them myself recently, with an admission of guilt from the offending party... But you did make a report, you have done what you are supposed to do, take what little solace in that you can.

Contact the courts, ask how to keep him away, maybe you can get an emergency order of protection. Maybe the child abuse hotline knows of child advocacy attys in your state, I don't know but worth dialing the toll free number to ask. Also maybe contact the state bar to ask if they have child advocacy attys on record.. maybe even the domestic hotline would be able to provide some insight.

I had to get an equity loan on my home to cover my atty fees, it ended up being more of a personal loan since it was not nearly as much as most people take. I only took enough to retain my atty and am paying him any further amounts as we move forward in my case. Figuring it was best not get myself ass deep in debt, I only borrowed what I *HAD* to have to get my case started and picked up some extra hours at work to continue to pay.

If you cannot get a loan then look around your house, see what you can sell or pawn to get up the funds for an attorney ... I have a checklist of what goes and in what order in case the need arises..my children need to be safe more then I need an ipod. I even have clothing I no longer wear ready for ebay and will be putting it up this week.. every little bit counts and you would be surprised what sells on ebay. Stick all those dusty knick-knacks in a large "lot" and sell them in one fail swoop, shoes, purses and so on.. whatever you don't want/use.. get rid of it and get the money.

Anyway, all my best to you.. wish I could help more.

[MauiMom]

Have you asked the courts for a temporary restraining or no contact order as of yet?

I would call the courts tomorrow and ask how and who you need to talk with to obtain this while your childs case is being investigated.

I am sorry you feel let down by CPS, I too have been let down by them myself recently, with an admission of guilt from the offending party... But you did make a report, you have done what you are supposed to do, take what little solace in that you can.

Contact the courts, ask how to keep him away, maybe you can get an emergency order of protection. Maybe the child abuse hotline knows of child advocacy attys in your state, I don't know but worth dialing the toll free number to ask. Also maybe contact the state bar to ask if they have child advocacy attys on record.. maybe even the domestic hotline would be able to provide some insight.

I had to get an equity loan on my home to cover my atty fees, it ended up being more of a personal loan since it was not nearly as much as most people take. I only took enough to retain my atty and am paying him any further amounts as we move forward in my case. Figuring it was best not get myself ass deep in debt, I only borrowed what I *HAD* to have to get my case started and picked up some extra hours at work to continue to pay.

If you cannot get a loan then look around your house, see what you can sell or pawn to get up the funds for an attorney ... I have a checklist of what goes and in what order in case the need arises..my children need to be safe more then I need an ipod. I even have clothing I no longer wear ready for ebay and will be putting it up this week.. every little bit counts and you would be surprised what sells on ebay. Stick all those dusty knick-knacks in a large "lot" and sell them in one fail swoop, shoes, purses and so on.. whatever you don't want/use.. get rid of it and get the money.

Anyway, all my best to you.. wish I could help more.

Hi Mickey,
Thanks again for your response. I am going to go to court tomorrow morning and file for a temp restraining and stay away order. If the judge, for whatever reason, doesn't grant it, my friend, who is a PI lawyer, told me to contact a pal of his who is a psych, and get the 3 top legal referrals and beg them to take our case for low fee or no fee (he's more optimistic than we are) - and that if the ex tried to see him I am to tell him to bugger off and that I know all about his 'secret' and what he did to his son... and that I am going in for a custody mod. We'll see and I will update tomorrow on what happens with the orders.

Sorry to read that CPS has given you a bad hand as well. I suppose I am not surprised. This sucky thing is that when we called we got the typical run around... "You're doing the right thing..." "You're disclosure is anonymous." "We'll be able to keep your son safe..." "We won't let on where the report came from..." Only to find out that they are going to call him outon the abuse by telling him exactly what his son said... allowing him to come up with a 'pat' story for why it happened... though what, I can never imagine, anymore than I can imagine what he's done to our little boy.

Anyhow. You have a good night. And I wish you much luck too, in everything you've got going on.

Be well.

[MauiMom]

We got our TRO / Stay Away order w/ full custody to me. I am so grateful. He was supposed to have an interview w/ detectives this evening[ needless to say, he's lawyered up - and canceled his meeting. The detective stated "Not to worry, they'll get him." Thanks again, always nice when the system works. Now onto the healing and prepping for court.

If anyone has any good, ne' GREAT, low cost, legal service options that you know of in Southern California, could you please post the info to me (either here or PM)

Thanks,
MM

[mickey68]

I am very glad to hear you got the order to keep your child separated from him for now. Time to move forward and begin the healing process, big hugs to you.

Regarding legal help, California is a very resourceful state, maybe some of the victims organizations can offer suggestions and point you in the right direction.

When I entered the terms "legal help victims of child sexual abuse california" into google, I came up with the following website, maybe it will help. If not you can search as well.. my best to you and yours.

http://www.ojp.gov/ovc/