Do you ever just want to tell us all, call a lawyer and pay for the consultation?
Sometimes, that's the only responsible answer. People don't want to hear that they need an attorney, but most legal matters cannot (and should not!) be handled by laypeople. If your life, house, kids, immigration status, job or freedom is in jeopardy, a lawyer is always the best way to go.

It seems to me that you have a very good grasp of the fact that we are meant for general information only, just like the disclaimer says. As a very active contributor, I thank you for that. We try to point people in the right direction so they're not flying completely blind. It's nice when someone understands.