Phone Sex Legality Between 15 Year Old And 19 Year Old

[OhioB]

I met a girl online 7 months ago when I was 18. She claimed to be 18 at the time, and we began "dating". We talked on the phone for hours and hours everyday and soon fell in love.

There was never anything sexual discussed for the first few months. Eventually she informed me of her real age (15). I was obviously shocked (and hurt) by this. I had already fallen in love with her, and I made the decision to stay with her.

It's been 7 months now, and I just turned 19. Recently she has been bringing up sex a bit more often, and has hinted on starting phone sex. Now, I love this girl, I really do. But I don't want to get into any legal trouble.

I know it sounds crazy, falling in 'love' with someone you have never met face to face before, but we talk for roughly 12-15 hours per day. I really do love her more than anything, and I want nothing but the best for her.

She's 15 and lives in NC, and I'm 19 and from Ohio. What are the potential reprocussions if we were to start?

Also, does anyone have any advice for saying 'no' to her without hurting her feelings? I feel uncomfortable with the idea, but I don't want her to think that she's undesirable. If any more information is needed, please do not hesitate to ask. Thanks in advance.

[LawResearcherMissy]

What are the potential reprocussions if we were to start?

Jail for you. She's not legally able to give consent for sexual activity - not even phone sex.

Even if she WERE able to consent, there's still the elephant in the room of her parents. Do they know about you? Do they know that an adult is courting their minor child over the internet? Do you understand that they can still slap a restraining order on you, demanding you cease all communications with her?

we talk for roughly 12-15 hours per day.

You need to back off on that. You are playing with fire. I understand that it's quite possible to meet people on line and fall in love. At this point, I'm well acquainted with half a dozen now married couples who did exactly that - but in all cases, they were all over the age of 18, fully legal, consenting adults.

Your girlfriend does not fit that category.

Also, does anyone have any advice for saying 'no' to her without hurting her feelings? I feel uncomfortable with the idea, but I don't want her to think that she's undesirable.

Not gonna happen. Her feelings WILL be hurt, no matter how you phrase it. So just be honest. "Sweetheart, I could go to JAIL for that, then we wouldn't get to talk to each other at all."

Then hold your ground. If she cries and breaks it off, let her go. You don't want to be labeled (and registered!) as a sex offender for the rest of your life over the poor decision making skills of a child.

[cyjeff]

Try this.

"I don't want to spend the next 20-30 years in prison being passed around by the other inmates as currency because you want to have sex over the phone.

Therefore, this relationship ends NOW... before anyone realizes that I have already broken several state and federal laws.

No more calls. No more texts. You go play with your barbies and I will find adults to date.

Call me when you are 18."

[OhioB]

thanks for the replies

We haven't done anything that crosses any lines (that I'm aware of anyways, please correct me if I'm wrong), and I had a talk with her today about it and how I didn't feel comfortable doing anything like that. Not only is it not worth the legal risk, but I don't want to find myself in the category of guys who "want something" from her. It's just not me.

She seemed relieved actually, so I was pleasantly surprised.

I'm not sure why the second poster is patronizing our relationship, though. The age difference is a little on the "extreme" side you could say, but she's my best friend before anything else. I just turned 19 last week, so the vast majority of our time together was spent when I was 18 and she was 15. So it's not completely unheard of.

Is it breaking any laws just "dating" her even when there is no physical or sexual contact?

But in any case, I do appreciate the harshness of the replies. I needed to be scared a bit to give myself a reality check and take a step back. Do you guys think we're doing anything wrong by seeing each other even without anything sexual? I apologize for taking the above post personally, I just get really defensive and I know you guys are trying to help.

[cyjeff]

thanks for the replies

We haven't done anything that crosses any lines (that I'm aware of anyways, please correct me if I'm wrong), and I had a talk with her today about it and how I didn't feel comfortable doing anything like that. Not only is it not worth the legal risk, but I don't want to find myself in the category of guys who "want something" from her. It's just not me.

She seemed relieved actually, so I was pleasantly surprised.

I'm not sure why the second poster is patronizing our relationship, though. The age difference is a little on the "extreme" side you could say, but she's my best friend before anything else. I just turned 19 last week, so the vast majority of our time together was spent when I was 18 and she was 15. So it's not completely unheard of.

Is it breaking any laws just "dating" her even when there is no physical or sexual contact?

But in any case, I do appreciate the harshness of the replies. I needed to be scared a bit to give myself a reality check and take a step back. Do you guys think we're doing anything wrong by seeing each other even without anything sexual? I apologize for taking the above post personally, I just get really defensive and I know you guys are trying to help.

This is what you don't understand.

Phone sex... even discussing having phone sex... with a minor is a direct violation of the law.

You bring in all kinds of internet predatory laws designed to protect children from... to be "harsh"... sexual relationships with adults. Like the one you are having.

If you have said anything that arrouses or excites the child or she has said anything that has arroused or excited you, you have violated the law.

You are already on rapidly thinning ice.

Your only hope is to run away from a relationship with the child.

Your response of "it really isn't all that bad" is almost the TRADEMARK of a pedophile. And a judge would see it the same way.

As for dating law.... there is no law about dating. As long as her parents approve.

How do they feel about their daughter having an online relationship with an adult? If your answer is "I don't know", you are, again, on thin ice.

You are making life impacting decisions here. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life explaining to potential employers that you are "a sex offender but not the bad kind", I would stop while you are ahead.

And no, no one believes that a 19 year old man has a 15 year old girl as a best friend...

[cyjeff]

Okay... I tell you what...

Let's start with the FEDERAL statutes...

From the U.S. Code Online via GPO Access
[wais.access.gpo.gov]
[Laws in effect as of January 3, 2006]
[CITE: 18USC1470]


TITLE 18--CRIMES AND CRIMINAL PROCEDURE

PART I--CRIMES

CHAPTER 71--OBSCENITY

Sec. 1470. Transfer of obscene material to minors

Whoever, using the mail or any facility or means of interstate or
foreign commerce, knowingly transfers obscene matter to another
individual who has not attained the age of 16 years, knowing that such
other individual has not attained the age of 16 years, or attempts to do
so, shall be fined under this title, imprisoned not more than 10 years,
or both.

(Added Pub. L. 105-314, title IV, Sec. 401(a), Oct. 30, 1998, 112 Stat.
2979.)


Study on Limiting Availability of Pornography on Internet

Pub. L. 105-314, title IX, Sec. 901, Oct. 30, 1998, 112 Stat. 2991,
provided that:
``(a) In General.--Not later than 90 days after the date of
enactment of this Act [Oct. 30, 1998], the Attorney General shall
request that the National Academy of Sciences, acting through its
National Research Council, enter into a contract to conduct a study of
computer-based technologies and other approaches to the problem of the
availability of pornographic material to children on the Internet, in
order to develop possible amendments to Federal criminal law and other
law enforcement techniques to respond to the problem.
``(b) Contents of Study.--The study under this section shall address
each of the following:
``(1) The capabilities of present-day computer-based control
technologies for controlling electronic transmission of pornographic
images.
``(2) Research needed to develop computer-based control
technologies to the point of practical utility for controlling the
electronic transmission of pornographic images.
``(3) Any inherent limitations of computer-based control
technologies for controlling electronic transmission of pornographic
images.
``(4) Operational policies or management techniques needed to
ensure the effectiveness of these control technologies for
controlling electronic transmission of pornographic images.
``(c) Final Report.--Not later than 2 years after the date of
enactment of this Act, the Attorney General shall submit to the
Committees on the Judiciary of the House of Representatives and the
Senate a final report of the study under this section, which report
shall--
``(1) set forth the findings, conclusions, and recommendations
of the Council; and
``(2) be submitted by the Committees on the Judiciary of the
House of Representatives and the Senate to relevant Government
agencies and committees of Congress.''

Oh wait, there's more...

From the U.S. Code Online via GPO Access
[wais.access.gpo.gov]
[Laws in effect as of January 3, 2006]
[CITE: 18USC2243]


TITLE 18--CRIMES AND CRIMINAL PROCEDURE

PART I--CRIMES

CHAPTER 109A--SEXUAL ABUSE

Sec. 2243. Sexual abuse of a minor or ward

(a) Of a Minor.--Whoever, in the special maritime and territorial
jurisdiction of the United States or in a Federal prison, or in any
prison, institution, or facility in which persons are held in custody by
direction of or pursuant to a contract or agreement with the Attorney
General \1\ knowingly engages in a sexual act with another person who--
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
\1\ So in original. Probably should be followed by a comma.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) has attained the age of 12 years but has not attained the
age of 16 years; and
(2) is at least four years younger than the person so engaging;

or attempts to do so, shall be fined under this title, imprisoned not
more than 15 years, or both.
(b) Of a Ward.--Whoever, in the special maritime and territorial
jurisdiction of the United States or in a Federal prison, or in any
prison, institution, or facility in which persons are held in custody by
direction of or pursuant to a contract or agreement with the Attorney
General \1\ knowingly engages in a sexual act with another person who
is--
(1) in official detention; and
(2) under the custodial, supervisory, or disciplinary authority
of the person so engaging;

or attempts to do so, shall be fined under this title, imprisoned not
more than five years, or both.
(c) Defenses.--(1) In a prosecution under subsection (a) of this
section, it is a defense, which the defendant must establish by a
preponderance of the evidence, that the defendant reasonably believed
that the other person had attained the age of 16 years.
(2) In a prosecution under this section, it is a defense, which the
defendant must establish by a preponderance of the evidence, that the
persons engaging in the sexual act were at that time married to each
other.
(d) State of Mind Proof Requirement.--In a prosecution under
subsection (a) of this section, the Government need not prove that the
defendant knew--
(1) the age of the other person engaging in the sexual act; or
(2) that the requisite age difference existed between the
persons so engaging.

now, if you want, I can start digging up Ohio and North Carolina law as well.

[OhioB]

This is what you don't understand.

Phone sex... even discussing having phone sex... with a minor is a direct violation of the law.

You bring in all kinds of internet predatory laws designed to protect children from... to be "harsh"... sexual relationships with adults. Like the one you are having.

If you have said anything that arrouses or excites the child or she has said anything that has arroused or excited you, you have violated the law.

You are already on rapidly thinning ice.

Your only hope is to run away from a relationship with the child.

Your response of "it really isn't all that bad" is almost the TRADEMARK of a pedophile. And a judge would see it the same way.

As for dating law.... there is no law about dating. As long as her parents approve.

How do they feel about their daughter having an online relationship with an adult? If your answer is "I don't know", you are, again, on thin ice.

You are making life impacting decisions here. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life explaining to potential employers that you are "a sex offender but not the bad kind", I would stop while you are ahead.

And no, no one believes that a 19 year old man has a 15 year old girl as a best friend...

Honestly, I appreciate this more than you will ever know.

So you think my best option is to basically cut off all ties to her? I want to stress that we haven't discussed anything sexual beyond our discussion this morning about how I didn't feel comfortable getting involved in that sort of way.

It sounds to me like you guys are right, it is playing with fire.

Unfortunately, I really do mean it when I say that she is my best friend in the world. I honestly up until the time I got these replies had no idea that I was doing anything illegal.

I will stop. Thank you guys for the replies, it's going to change my life for the better. It's going to be very difficult to do, I mean it when I tell you that I love her like family, I would do anything for her.

If that means leaving her, then so be it. It's not worth going to jail over, that doesn't help anyone.

Do any of you have an instant messenger username that I might be able to contact you on? I would be greatly appreciative of anyone who would help me figure out a good way to go about leaving her. I just want advice, not legally, but just in general.

Thanks so much. God bless.

[cyjeff]

forgot this one... sorry

From the U.S. Code Online via GPO Access
[wais.access.gpo.gov]
[Laws in effect as of January 3, 2006]
[CITE: 18USC2422]


TITLE 18--CRIMES AND CRIMINAL PROCEDURE

PART I--CRIMES

CHAPTER 117--TRANSPORTATION FOR ILLEGAL SEXUAL ACTIVITY AND RELATED
CRIMES

Sec. 2422. Coercion and enticement

(a) Whoever knowingly persuades, induces, entices, or coerces any
individual to travel in interstate or foreign commerce, or in any
Territory or Possession of the United States, to engage in prostitution,
or in any sexual activity for which any person can be charged with a
criminal offense, or attempts to do so, shall be fined under this title
or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.
(b) Whoever, using the mail or any facility or means of interstate
or foreign commerce, or within the special maritime and territorial
jurisdiction of the United States knowingly persuades, induces, entices,
or coerces any individual who has not attained the age of 18 years, to
engage in prostitution or any sexual activity for which any person can
be charged with a criminal offense, or attempts to do so, shall be fined
under this title and imprisoned not less than 5 years and not more than
30 years.

(June 25, 1948, ch. 645, 62 Stat. 812; Pub. L. 99-628, Sec. 5(b)(1),
Nov. 7, 1986, 100 Stat. 3511; Pub. L. 100-690, title VII, Sec. 7070,
Nov. 18, 1988, 102 Stat. 4405; Pub. L. 104-104, title V, Sec. 508, Feb.
8, 1996, 110 Stat. 137; Pub. L. 105-314, title I, Sec. 102, Oct. 30,
1998, 112 Stat. 2975; Pub. L. 108-21, title I, Sec. 103(a)(2)(A), (B),
(b)(2)(A), Apr. 30, 2003, 117 Stat. 652, 653.)

[cyjeff]

Honestly, I appreciate this more than you will ever know.

So you think my best option is to basically cut off all ties to her? I want to stress that we haven't discussed anything sexual beyond our discussion this morning about how I didn't feel comfortable getting involved in that sort of way.

It sounds to me like you guys are right, it is playing with fire.

Unfortunately, I really do mean it when I say that she is my best friend in the world. I honestly up until the time I got these replies had no idea that I was doing anything illegal.

I will stop. Thank you guys for the replies, it's going to change my life for the better. It's going to be very difficult to do, I mean it when I tell you that I love her like family, I would do anything for her.

If that means leaving her, then so be it. It's not worth going to jail over, that doesn't help anyone.

Do any of you have an instant messenger username that I might be able to contact you on? I would be greatly appreciative of anyone who would help me figure out a good way to go about leaving her. I just want advice, not legally, but just in general.

Thanks so much. God bless.

Dammit... this isn't a lonely hearts club.

You send her a one paragraph email.

"Due to research on our relationship, I have discovered that it is legally irresponsible for me to continue this communication.

This will be our last contact. Emails will be unopened and unanswered. Your calls will be blocked and texts will not be read.

This situation must come to an immediate and abrupt end. I am very sorry for the necessary abrupt end to this relationship, but the law gives me no choice.

Goodbye and good luck."

Period.