Message:
I live in Cal
Hope this is the right place to post.
I go through this nonsense every year. My husband and I are informally separated but married 32 years. I live in one of our houses. He makes about 200,000/year. I make about 20,000. He deposits 4500/month to pay household finances, would like my share of that to be 1500 a month,the rest I guess is his. Anyway, we filed married/jointly. Surprisingly the refund was 20,000. I took half and left him half thinking that's how it works in community property and opened an account to invest for my new grandbaby. He stopped depositing then sent me a note that he'll just apply the 20,000 to the monthly amount he would have deposited and would resume in four months. Said he'll have to fix it so there isn't such a big refund. During that time he will be pocketing 36,000 in take home pay and I will get no part of the refund, nothing to invest.
I have no perspective anymore and obviously I'm ashamed to say, for a lot of reasons, I lack the the ability to be assertive or objective either practically or ethically. It doesn't help that our communication is strained.
Anyway, he makes the majority of income, but we filed jointly. Should I let it go? Call it a wash? Is he right? Should he get the whole refund because he made the money and paid taxes? Last year I wanted to pay my estimated taxes but he didn't want me too. Said withholding a large amount on his income was easier. Then he took the whole refund by withholding support.
Is there someting obvious that I'm not seeing? I go in circles thinking about this and need another perspective. I wish I could be stronger and clearer about this but I'm not there yet.
Thanks.

