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  1. #1

    Default Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    My question involves paternity law for the State of: Ohio

    I currently live in the southern United States. I have a shared-parenting plan with my ex-husband regarding our daughter who is now 10. My ex, (her father) has residential custody of her. She stays with me in the summer and on school breaks. My ex husband and I were married while I was 8 months preggers with my daughter. I was very young and not over my ex-boyfriend. Needless to say I have never been sure that my daughter belonged to my ex-husband, and yes my ex-husband was aware of my affair at the time. He has been her residential parent for 2 years but we still have a shared parenting plan. Communication is awful. He refuses to communicate with me on any level and has his current wife answer my questions. This creates more confusion and misunderstanding. They also make my daughter believe that her step-mom is her "mom" because I do not live in Ohio. My daughter calls me with many questions and is very confused. This has been going on for 2 years and I am now wanting a paternity test to see if my ex husband is really her father. I need to know what kind of legal road bumps are ahead. I understand this will be a very traumatic even for my daughter but the brainwashing she is going through right now is hurting her more. We need to be together again. What are my chances in getting this paternity issue resolved???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    Has he had her at his home most of the time her whole life or only for the last two years?
    You can not undo the fact that he has been her legal father since birth...
    If you want to be together with your daughter why don't you file for a modification of custody??

  3. #3

    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    I am not for certain if his name is even on her birth certificate. We all need to know if she is really his. Even though he has been her "father" for the past 10 years doesn't give him the right to bring in another woman to replace me. My daughter believes that I am of no importance and she is led to believe that her step-mom is her mommy. I am not an unfit parent and have fought with my ex-husband over custody ever since my daughter was 2 years old. The courts couldn't find any reason to give one parent full custody because there wasn't any proof she was better off with one or the other. So we have had shared parenting ever since. Before I moved out of the state of Ohio my ex-husband took me to court again for full custody. He was denied and the shared parenting order stayed in place with the long distance visitation implemented into that. Yes he was given residential parent because my daughter had already been attending the same school for 4 years. My daughter has rights also and it's not fair that she is being forced to see me as less than her mother just because my ex is so bitter towards me. He is not grown up enough to continue raising her. He will do more damage to her than I could do with this DNA test.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2006
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    TN
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    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    The two of you were married at the time of the child's birth, therefore he is legally her father and has been for the past 10 years. You getting a paternity test will not change anything that is currently going on.

    Why did you move away if you were already having trouble seeing your child?

  5. #5
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    Thumbs down Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    Quote Quoting southernbelle08
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    I am not for certain if his name is even on her birth certificate.
    If you want to know if he is on the birth certificate - then for goodness sake - get a copy. But it does not change the fact that you were married when the child was born. You did not do anything then to address paternity, therefore he is legally the father.

    Quote Quoting southernbelle08
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    Even though he has been her "father" for the past 10 years doesn't give him the right to bring in another woman to replace me. My daughter believes that I am of no importance and she is led to believe that her step-mom is her mommy. I am not an unfit parent and have fought with my ex-husband over custody ever since my daughter was 2 years old.
    Replace you?? He is allowed to remarry whom ever he chooses. How can your child not know that you are really her mother if you did not divorce until she was two? and again, if you did not want him to be the legal father of the child then you certainly should have done something about that at the time of the divorce - before a custody order was established.

    Quote Quoting southernbelle08
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    My daughter has rights also and it's not fair that she is being forced to see me as less than her mother just because my ex is so bitter towards me. He is not grown up enough to continue raising her. He will do more damage to her than I could do with this DNA test.
    She is being "forced"!? Maybe because you CHOSE to leave the STATE instead of sharing parenting time 50/50. You seem to think that your ex-husband or his wife is creating this situation - but it is YOU who is responsible for facilitating the mother/daughter relationship with your own child.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    Actually when there is a shared parenting order put in place the judge sees both parents as fit to raise the child as a joint effort.
    My moving away didn't even prompt the judge to change the shared parenting plan because of the circumstances: my ex husband and I agreed to this plan after following through with mediation. My ex husband has not kept his part of the agreement by allowing my daughter to visit me once a month as she is entitled to, phone calls with her are limited to five minutes and during that five minutes I hear nothing but my ex husband and his wife telling my daughter to tell me things over the phone. This upsets and confuses her and I refuse to put up with it any longer. My ex has cut off all communication with me because he wants to prove something to his wife....the only thing he is proving is his lack of maturity. Her grades are dropping and he takes his frustrations out on her. I'm just looking out for my daughter's best interests. Don't judge me by reading a little information on a post. I'm asking for advice not judgement. I moved out of Ohio to better my life as I have had a new husband for the past eight years and we have two children that have an amazing, supportive family down here. My daughter deserves the same and is NOT getting that in Ohio. I have been a very selfless human being the past ten years. I could have taken her down here with me but gave my ex the benefit of the doubt to be a good father. My daughter was happy with her school and her friends and I didn't want to be selfish and take that away from her just because I was moving. The situation has changed with her therefore, my situation calls for action to protect my daughter and that is what I intend to do. DNA test or not. I will go back to court and seek full custody.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    Quote Quoting southernbelle08
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    My ex husband has not kept his part of the agreement by allowing my daughter to visit me once a month as she is entitled to, phone calls with her are limited to five minutes and during that five minutes I hear nothing but my ex husband and his wife telling my daughter to tell me things over the phone. I'm asking for advice not judgement. I will go back to court and seek full custody.
    If he is not following the court order then file with the Court asking that the order be enforced. You already stated that you have been fighting over custody for 8 years and each time the Court finds that there is no compelling reason to change her living situation. I don't know what proof you can offer that would convince the Court otherwise at this time.

    IF the father CONTINUES to violate the order AFTER you ask for it to be enforced you may have a much better chance of changing your daughter's primary residence.

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    TN
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    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    Quote Quoting southernbelle08
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    Actually when there is a shared parenting order put in place the judge sees both parents as fit to raise the child as a joint effort.
    My moving away didn't even prompt the judge to change the shared parenting plan because of the circumstances: my ex husband and I agreed to this plan after following through with mediation. My ex husband has not kept his part of the agreement by allowing my daughter to visit me once a month as she is entitled to, phone calls with her are limited to five minutes and during that five minutes I hear nothing but my ex husband and his wife telling my daughter to tell me things over the phone. This upsets and confuses her and I refuse to put up with it any longer. My ex has cut off all communication with me because he wants to prove something to his wife....the only thing he is proving is his lack of maturity. Her grades are dropping and he takes his frustrations out on her. I'm just looking out for my daughter's best interests. Don't judge me by reading a little information on a post. I'm asking for advice not judgement. I moved out of Ohio to better my life as I have had a new husband for the past eight years and we have two children that have an amazing, supportive family down here. My daughter deserves the same and is NOT getting that in Ohio. I have been a very selfless human being the past ten years. I could have taken her down here with me but gave my ex the benefit of the doubt to be a good father. My daughter was happy with her school and her friends and I didn't want to be selfish and take that away from her just because I was moving. The situation has changed with her therefore, my situation calls for action to protect my daughter and that is what I intend to do. DNA test or not. I will go back to court and seek full custody.

    What does your court order say about transportation?

    Have you tried to go get your daughter for your visits? You have to prove that you have attempted to excersise your visitation.

    Do you have proof that you have attempted and been denied?

  9. #9

    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    All I have to do is notify him that I will be coming to Ohio and then make plans to have my daughter. The past two times I have done this he has said "sorry, we already have plans". I have to give him seven days notice according to our court documents. I give him ample notice, I'm talking weeks in advance. I have children down here so I can't just drop everything and just travel out of state. It has to be planned but that still isn't good enough for him. My daughter even tells me that she doesn't know if I will be "allowed" to see her if I come up to Ohio in two weeks. The fact that she even thinks that I wouldn't be "allowed" to see her is beyond me. If that isn't emotional confusion then what is??? I am her mother. Her father tells me I can come to Ohio if I want to but they have plans with her and she will not be home. This is absurd. The only proof I have are emails and word of mouth. That usually doesn't fly in court. Am I supposed to spend money to fly up there and then be denied my daughter each time to have the court make changes????

  10. #10

    Default Re: Seeking Paternity After 10 Years

    Do you have any idea how many men go through your situation? Thankfully, you seem to be getting the same treatment as non-custodial fathers.

    You have to take him back to court and spend more money, just like the men have to do.

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