Returning From Overseas

[Reccy_20]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of:Nebraska

I am an active duty member of the Air Force and have been living overseas with my family for the past 6 years. We have two daughters who attend a local school. Our marriage has been troubled for years and reached the point of no return late last year when my wife had an affair in which she became pregnant and had the pregancy terminated while I was away on a work-related trip (a friend of hers told me on a guilty conceince). I have done all I could to save the marriage and keep our family intact, but I'm reaching the point where I cannot bear the humiliation anymore and I must give up. At the moment, we both live in the same house, but consider ourselves separated (I sleep on the sofa). I initially planned to move out, but doubt it will be possible (we live in England and the Pound is currently worth over two dollars, I'm only compensated to rent one home). My tour ends late next year, at which time I hope to become a recruiter in my hometown in Nebraska (a four year tour). She is not certain what she plans to do, either remain in England or move to another state far from Nebraska (she feels a lot of animosity toward the state).

Presently, both girls attend a British school. She gets them ready in the morning and takes them to school and I pick them up from their after-school program at 5. She gets home from work anytime between 8 and midnight and most nights I make dinner, give the girls their bath and read their stories before bed, although she does do these things some nights when she is there. On a typical weekend, she is at work before we wake up and gets home around the same time. Usually one weekend night she goes out (as do I, to be fair) and she doesn't see them all day. Am I justified in considering myself the Primary Caregiver in this situation? To be fair, I should point out that she did not work before the girls became school-age and would have at the time, undoubtedly been considered the Primary Caregiver. Also, in fairness about once a year I sometimes deploy for a month or two (this would not happen while I am recruiting).

I initially did not plan to seek custody, being convinced that it was unlikely the courts would find for the father, but I've been encouraged recently by some of my coworkers who have won. I've given it some thought and am considering making a bid for it.

My wife is estranged from most of her birth family, she hasn't spoken to her mother or sister for years and the girls, already isolated overseas, are missing out on having a relationship with extended family. She has also ended many friendships over the years in bitter fights. In fact, the man with whom she had the affair (who was married as well) had previously been the boyfriend of the single-mother of our daughter's best friend (hope that made sense, difficult relationship to describe =). My wife had been close friends with this woman, but was secretly sending seductive texts to her boyfriend. This ended in a bitter, profane argument which took place in our home in front of the kids (I was away at the time). They do not speak now and the only way my daughter can see her friend outside of school is when I take her. I'm trying to be a responsible adult for my children, but sometimes feel that I'm navigating petty high-school heathering to do so (to say nothing of the pain of the affair, just trying to keep it together for them).

I only plan to seek physical custody. I will glady share legal custody, will not seek any financial assistance from soon-to-be-x, and will gladly accommodate any reasonable parenting plan (every other birthday and holiday, long summer visit, any weekend that works for her, etc), I'll even meet her halfway paying for travel. I feel that they have already seen their family torn apart, I do not wish to make things any more difficult for them. My ex is a capable and loving mother and I have no doubts they would have a safe and loving home with her. With me however, they would enjoy being close to and fostering a relationship with both sides of their extended family and I feel they would enjoy a more stable home. Am I being unreasonable? Do I have a fair chance? No legal action has been taken by either party at this time to my knowledge. I realise this board is not formal legal advice, I guess I'm looking for a neutral opinion on what would be best…please adivise and thanks for reading such a long post =)

[LawResearcherMissy]

Am I being unreasonable?

Nope. If anything, I think you're being quite reasonable.

Do I have a fair chance?

No one here can answer that with any authority. Avail yourself of the services of an attorney, and s/he'll be able to look at all of your details and give you a far more informed answer.

You sound like you've got the best interests of your daughters at heart. Good luck to you.