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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1

    Default 10 Year Old Daughter, Need Advice

    FYI - I'm in Ohio

    First, I want to thank all of you in advance. I have spent the past few hours reading threads here hoping to find an answer to my situation without bombarding all if you with yet another request. In any event, here is my situation. I'll try to make it as brief as possible, and only include leaglly relevant info.

    My daughter is ten years old. Her mother and I split up when she was 7 months old. Our divorce was final when she was just over a year old. At that time, our custody agreement was set up with her as the custodial parent, with my visitation as follows: State minimums PLUS an additional 2 days and an overnight every week. Until my daughter started school this was set up as follows: Daughter was with me every other weekend (Fri-Sun evening), every Wednesday from 5:00pm until 8:30pm, and then we kind of rotated the other two days and additional overnight to fit best with everyone's schedule. Usually it was Th-Fr. I also had my daughter for 6 weeks each summer and we rotated holidays.

    Fast forward to Kindergaten. My wife and I moved 30 miles roughly 2 months before my Daughter started school in order to be in the same town as my ex-wife. We figured this would be what was best for my daughter, and had the means to do so. At this point we re-arranged the way that our schedules worked. Based on our custody agreement, I had my daughter slightly more than half of the time (even though I am not the custodial parent). After some discussion, my Ex and I decided that we would go to a "week on/week off" arrangement. Since Kindergarten (daughter is now in 5th grade), she has been on a Sun-Sun schedule. The ex and I live less than 2 miles apart. I pay CS, and this arangement has worked pretty well. However, this arangement has never been updated with the courts. I tried to get thsi done and the ex kept putting me off about it. Then, the issue kind of faded into the background, as it has been nearly 6 years now, with no issues.

    Now, the REASON for all of that background.

    Over the past couple of years my Ex has increasingly begun to disregard some of the basics of our custody agreement. She continuously talks badly about me in front of my daughter (I DO NOT do this about my ex at all). She has told my daughter and me that my daughter is to withold all information from me regarding what happens at their house. My Ex's husband has begun to threaten me to my daughter, stating that he is going to "Drag him out of his house and kick is ass". My Ex also consistently uses guilt and manipulation tactics to get my daughter to do whatever she wants her to. This has begun to seriously effect my daughter's self esteem and stress levels, to the point where recently she climbed up into my lap one evening, laid her head on my chest, and just cried for about 45 minutes. As a father, this breaks my heart. She shouldn't have to be put into this situation.

    So, all of that leading to my actual questions:

    1. If I confront my ex forcefully (i.e., "This behavior needs to stop, or else I will be foreced to take you back to court to re-asses our custody agreement") will she have the right to rescind our standing (5+ years of precedent) scheduling arrangement?

    2. If I do choose (or am forced) to proceed legally, what can I expect? Do I stand a chance of winning?

    3. Worst case scenario, do I have any grounds at all to request an emergency assignment of custody?

    The reality is that my Ex is not a bad person. She is a misguided and selfish one, but she does love our daughter in her way. Ideally, I want them to have a great relationship, and for all of us to get along - However, I will not allow my daughter to be placed in a situation where her mother makes her feel bad for loving me.

    Thanks in advance for your advice. I really appreciate it.

    Talesien

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,773

    Default Re: 10 Year Old Daughter, Need Advice

    Quote Quoting talesien
    View Post
    FYI - I'm in Ohio

    First, I want to thank all of you in advance. I have spent the past few hours reading threads here hoping to find an answer to my situation without bombarding all if you with yet another request. In any event, here is my situation. I'll try to make it as brief as possible, and only include leaglly relevant info.

    My daughter is ten years old. Her mother and I split up when she was 7 months old. Our divorce was final when she was just over a year old. At that time, our custody agreement was set up with her as the custodial parent, with my visitation as follows: State minimums PLUS an additional 2 days and an overnight every week. Until my daughter started school this was set up as follows: Daughter was with me every other weekend (Fri-Sun evening), every Wednesday from 5:00pm until 8:30pm, and then we kind of rotated the other two days and additional overnight to fit best with everyone's schedule. Usually it was Th-Fr. I also had my daughter for 6 weeks each summer and we rotated holidays.

    Fast forward to Kindergaten. My wife and I moved 30 miles roughly 2 months before my Daughter started school in order to be in the same town as my ex-wife. We figured this would be what was best for my daughter, and had the means to do so. At this point we re-arranged the way that our schedules worked. Based on our custody agreement, I had my daughter slightly more than half of the time (even though I am not the custodial parent). After some discussion, my Ex and I decided that we would go to a "week on/week off" arrangement. Since Kindergarten (daughter is now in 5th grade), she has been on a Sun-Sun schedule. The ex and I live less than 2 miles apart. I pay CS, and this arangement has worked pretty well. However, this arangement has never been updated with the courts. I tried to get thsi done and the ex kept putting me off about it. Then, the issue kind of faded into the background, as it has been nearly 6 years now, with no issues.

    Now, the REASON for all of that background.

    Over the past couple of years my Ex has increasingly begun to disregard some of the basics of our custody agreement. She continuously talks badly about me in front of my daughter (I DO NOT do this about my ex at all). She has told my daughter and me that my daughter is to withold all information from me regarding what happens at their house. My Ex's husband has begun to threaten me to my daughter, stating that he is going to "Drag him out of his house and kick is ass". My Ex also consistently uses guilt and manipulation tactics to get my daughter to do whatever she wants her to. This has begun to seriously effect my daughter's self esteem and stress levels, to the point where recently she climbed up into my lap one evening, laid her head on my chest, and just cried for about 45 minutes. As a father, this breaks my heart. She shouldn't have to be put into this situation.

    So, all of that leading to my actual questions:

    1. If I confront my ex forcefully (i.e., "This behavior needs to stop, or else I will be foreced to take you back to court to re-asses our custody agreement") will she have the right to rescind our standing (5+ years of precedent) scheduling arrangement?

    2. If I do choose (or am forced) to proceed legally, what can I expect? Do I stand a chance of winning?

    3. Worst case scenario, do I have any grounds at all to request an emergency assignment of custody?

    The reality is that my Ex is not a bad person. She is a misguided and selfish one, but she does love our daughter in her way. Ideally, I want them to have a great relationship, and for all of us to get along - However, I will not allow my daughter to be placed in a situation where her mother makes her feel bad for loving me.

    Thanks in advance for your advice. I really appreciate it.

    Talesien
    You should talk to ex about the problem. If that doesn't solve the problem, you can certainly take the matter to court. Even though the order was never modified, the court will view the status quo, and most likely order the same arrangement that you've had for the last 5 years.

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