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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    7

    Default Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    To whomever may be able to help me,

    I was recenty envolved in a domestic battery incident where I called the police to defend myself and my girlfriend from my girlfriend. Confused? Please dont be. She has a history of suicidal attempts, if you will. No success obviously, but several threats of suicide.

    The facts:
    1.) We live in Florida under the same roof for more than 30 days.
    2.) I have lived at this residence for 1 year.
    3.) She has lived at this residence for 2 months.
    4.) She voluntarily gave up 2 of her children so they could live with their grandmother, her mother, 20 miles away, because she felt she was in no condition to take care of them.
    5.) I have repeatedly attempted to end this releationship, and have several witnesses to this on several occasions.
    6.) She will not leave my home.
    7.) She has scars on her forearm that clearly suggest to anyone just meeting her, that she has attempted suicide, or seeks attention by cutting herself deliberately.

    Specific facts about why I find myself here:
    I was charged with domestic battery for "I grabbed her wrist to try and get the phone back...." She claimed that I threw her on the bed by the face and grabbed both of her wrists.

    The fact is, and there's obviously no reason to lie here as this is annonymous, but I had the phone in my hand to start (stated in the police report) and as I threatened to call the police to come and calm her down, she grabbed the phone from out of my hand. I then attempted to grab the phone back emmediately and proceed to call 911. I got the phone back without touching her in an angry manor or in an offensive way. I consider it a defensive move to retrieve my property that was just taken from me while I was being hit in the chest. Am I wrong?

    I dialed 911, and began to tell the operator about the situation and she is in the background wispering 'at' me in an angry way, how she wasn't going to let me get away with this etc. I'm sure the 911 system records these conversations and keeps them on record, right? They will clearly hear the pause after i gave her the phone to talk to them, when she placed the phone on the bed and proceeded to again tell me I wasn't going to get away with this... and then turned on the tears.

    The officers arrive at my house. They come in and ask her to step outside. They look around to make sure all is well on the inside of the house and then asked me what happened. She was standing there so I suggested the officer talk to her to try and calm her down first. He took her out front and they spoke for what seemed like 20+ minutes. The officer then came in and asked me what happened and before I could exp-lain the situation, he stops me at one point and asks "did you grab her wrist?" I replied honestly stating "I grabbed her wrist to try and get the phone back because she was swinging at me." The officer stops me there, does not allow me to explain further and then steps outside. A few minutes pass and he comes back in and asks me to stand up and turn around. I was arrested for Domestic Battery because I told the truth and she lied. I admitted to grabbing her as she was swinging at me, and she denied ever touching me.

    I was taken to jail and released the following day on a $50 bond due to no prior record. I havent has so much as a parking ticket!

    I was served a temperary injunction while in jail, and she moved her kids into my house that very day. She contacted a Womens Advocate Group/Organization and they are now helping her. She is pulling out all the tricks on this one. I had 15minutes to grab anything and everything from my house that I might need for the next few weeks and told I could not come back under any circumstances.

    She has family that lives 15 minutes away from my house, and I am completely alone in Florida due to being from about 1500 miles away originally. She took my house, my dogs, all my personal posessions etc. and is planning on dragging this out as long as she can.

    What can I do? How do I prove my intent was only to help this woman after she lost her home, quit her job and gave up her children? I'm the one who called the police... and I find myself here. I know this sounds opinion based only, but this woman is using a system designed to help REAL women in need, to be vindictive and hurtful. She is angry and will use every recource available to inflict her vendetta upon me.

    In desperate need of help....... please write me.
    Scared_08

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    My friend, why have you not engaged the services of a competent attorney?

    You need to do that. You need to do that NOW. Do not pass Go, do not stop at Tim Horton's for a donut. Get. A. Lawyer.

    Evict her from your house and reclaim your life.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    I agree with Missy - you need a lawyer ASAP. It's a big red flag when you have "tried repeatedly to end the relationship" - and when people won't go willingly you sometimes have to bring out the legal guns in the form of eviction proceedings and/or restraining orders to get them out BEFORE they start pulling stunts like this one.

    Yes, police keep 911 recordings, but every jurisdiction keeps them for varying lengths of time. Typical is 30 days unless it's a high profile case or the dept. has some reason to think they'll need it later for CYA purposes or it's a "juicy call" that gets put into the training stack. If you think there's info on that call that will bolster your defense, your attorney will need to act to get a copy of the call ASAP - BEFORE it gets erased/recorded over. Don't let the sun go down on Monday without getting this ball rolling - once that recording is gone, it's gone for good!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Thank you kindly for your responses... I'd like to add that I did in fact call my landlord 2 hours after being released from jail, and asked her to proceed with the "3 day" eviction notice. Apparently this is the first step necessary to evict someone, and then you go get something from the courthouse that is, I'm guessing more 'legal'.

    I have spoke to several attourneys in the area and all pretty much want $100 just to acknowledge a "hello". On top of that, I'll need $3000 for a retainer fee (cheapest I've found thus far) for the battery charge, and $1500 for the temperary injunction filed. All in all, that $4500 minimum I need to fork out emmediately to "get the ball rolling" on this. I dont have this kind of money. I recently moved 1500 miles to Florida, (1.5 years ago) and I've just not had the opportunity to build up my savings greater than just about $1000 in savings. Suggestions?

    I've done my research over the last week, and let me tell you... I am appauled at the fact that there are 7 completely different organizations within this county and the surrounding counties, that will come to the aid of only a woman in this situation... or the situation my soon to be forgotten live in girlfriend is in, but not a single hint of an organization that will cater to only a man. I would think that anyone, regardless of race, religion or sex, would also be dissapointed to learn this.

    What has this beautiful country we all live in and refer to as "The Land of The Free and Home of The Brave" become? Should we really continue to pride ourselves on this phrase we claim as our own? From one American to another... the confidence I feel, in living my own life within this country is slowly deminishing.

    UPDATE:
    She phoned a friend of mine back in my home town and claimed she was going to vacate my home on 4-5-08 and call the sherrifs office and let them know she was leaving my dogs there. (inside dogs)

    She also claims she wants to drop all the charges, but doesn't know how. Now, I am playing it cool... I'm not speaking to her, nor am I requesting anyone else talk to her, but I have said things to this friend of mine whom she is speaking to regularly, knowing some things will be repeated.

    I know her well enough to know now that she has calmed down, it most likely has hit her as to exactly what she has done here. This friend of mine said "She is going to call the sherrif and see what she can do about dropping the charges, but she doesnt know how without getting herself in trouble for filing a false report." Is there any way around this for her? I'm in no way protecting her! At this point I could'nt care less... however, if it's true that she wants to do these things, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help her along. I mean... this gives me my life back, right?

    Also, she and my friend were speaking, and she asked "What if I just dont show up to court?" She seems to think if she's not there, the charges will be dropped and she wont have to admit to changing her mind. I dont believe this to be true. If I have been informed correctly, the state will pick it up and charges continue on, in the battery case. However, the injunction case should be dropped if a 'no-show'? Have I been missinformed?

    I'm beginning to think I should just find God and do my good deeds through a church and not make the deed any more personal than it has to be!

    Respectfully Yours... Scared_08

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Yet another question:

    What's the deal with this temperary injunction she's filed? Why is it she can freely call all over town searching for me last night, finally find me at my hotel, and call my room.... yet I cant call, write, email or be within 500 feet of her at any given moment??? Not even to check to make sure my babies (dogs) are being fed and doing ok....

    Did anyone bring their thinking cap today? I sure could use some advice...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Hon, we gave you the ONLY advice that's applicable to your situation. A bunch of law enthusiasts on the internet are not going to be able to accomplish for you what a professional can.

    Call the local Bar Association and ask after a referral to someone who can either work within your budget or is willing to work out payment arrangements.

    She can't drop the charges. The State will proceed regardless of her wishes - this is what happens when you yell "Domestic violence!"

    You cannot afford to be without counsel. Beg, borrow, sell plasma, scrounge for recyclables - do whatever it takes to get it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Court appointed attorney is a bad idea? I mean, this seems to me like an open and shut case... with her easily proven past record.

    She pulled her 13 year old child out of school in a different county and moved her into my house the day I was arrested and claimed "I cant move, I have children." It's all right in front of me as we speak... in this injunction paperwork.

    I also just received a phone call from the county sheriff stating she called them and that she is vacating the premisses. She said "I'm calling to let ou know I'm leaving his house and he can come get his dogs." But I still cant go near my house according to this injunction. There or not, she has posession of my home till court.

    What can I do about my dogs sitting there alone with no food and water?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Hi I see that you posted your case here.

    Oh wow, bad situation.

    Definitely you need a lawyer. Even though pricey, very necessary. You may be able to put it on a credit card. Or see if you qualify for a public defender.

    Even though you may think its open and shut, believe you me, it never is. The prosecuter and all the advocacy groups are fierce and when there is a cry of domestic violence they go on the offensive. (I think they are making up for the years and years of neglect on this issue so they are extra-hyper-vigilent about it these days). Even in my case when I "the puported victim" was insistent that there was NO domestic violence going on in any way shape or form they still arrested my fiance!!! The prosecuter the next day was hesitant to drop the charges even after I explained everything to her the next morning. She told me that she could prosecute regardless of what I said. I was thinking, this is crazzzzzy!!! Are we in communist Russia or China?-What is this faux-paternalistic-its for-your-own-good, we know best-you're just a timid victim who doesn't know better-crap?

    Anyhow, in your case with the girlfriend having actually claimed DV, it is a hard situation. I doubt it will be dropped by the state. A defense lawyer would be a good idea. Yes, in your case, if I were the bee, I'd leave that hive too.

    Besy of luck.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,307

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Quote Quoting Scared08
    View Post
    What can I do about my dogs sitting there alone with no food and water?
    Ask your landlord to feed them, or give your keys to a trusted friend to take care of them.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Domestic Violence And Crazy Girlfriend In Florida

    Landlord is a good idea... I guess I wasnt thinking straight in all the frantic frustration lately.

    Keep in mind, I live in Florida, 1500 miles away from ALL friends and family. All I've done since I came here is work. I really know nobody outside the office.

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