Thank you both for your replies.
I am in Oregon and the ex resides in MN.
They haven't charged him with anything yet, the D.A. in Minnesota is collecting evidence. I haven't heard any more than that at this time.
The child protection agency here in Oregon said it's extremely hard to get his rights terminated, they said that the only way they usually will do that is for abandonment and they said my best chance is to simply go for sole custody with no visitation (since we weren't legally married at the time of her conception, but paternity has been established)
The MN D.A. said they don't terminate in the criminal case.
So I'm very flustered. The Detective in MN said we should terminate his rights but we can't find anyone else to agree with that.
My biggest fear is he will be ordered to some sort of treatment program and then be allowed visitation after that.
NO WAY will I allow that.
I know I should talk to a lawyer, which my current husband did, but he said the same thing about abandonment, OR we can present the ex with the child support and all the medical bills and let him know this will stop if he signs his rights over.
Wow this is such a crazy process, and we just can't seem to get concrete answers from anyone.
Thank you again for your replies.