Results 1 to 4 of 4

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    2

    Unhappy Terminating The Rights Of An Abusive Parent

    This is my first time on here and this is my first question, but extremely complicated so bear with me.
    I met my ex and we got married. But turned out we weren't really married because his previous divorce wasn't actually final.
    My ex was very verbally abusive to me and addicted to crack. I left him when my daughter was 2. He got clean and went to treatment with a few relapses but I still kept my distance.
    I moved from MN (with his permission) to Oregon in 2004 and the agreement was he'd take her for the summers.
    He never paid child support but he did take her for a 2 month visit in 2004,2005 (Dec, Jan). She had to come back early because my ex's wife was having a hard time.
    Then I agreed to let her visit again from Nov of 2006 until June of 2007. I know it seems like a long time but my reasoning was, he finally had his life together, he and his wife were doing well together and he had a house and a job, and since it had been so long since he'd seen her I said, ok, under one condition. That she finish the school year there, I didn't want her being bounced around. He agreed. During that time was a paternity hearing and he lied and said my daughter was living at his house, and I had been informed since it was just a paternity hearing I didn't need to be there so I wasn't. Well unfortunately for me, during that paternity hearing I could have had child support ordered and since I wasn't there and she was supposedly living with him, I lost any chance of having anything retroactive.
    Please follow me on this, I know it's long.
    So due to a lot of strange going ons at his house (like my being unable to talk to my daughter when I called etc...), I called him one day at work and he said he was sorry but his life was falling apart and maybe it was better she come home.
    I said yep...no problem, let's get her on the soonest plane.
    So here is where the story goes whacked.
    Christmas Eve my daughter discloses to me that my ex sexually abused her while she was there. (she's only 7).
    I was stunned. I went through denial, I've been through even more denial. Then I felt a lot of guilt. Now I'm good and pissed.
    I reported it the day after Christmas. She has been medically examined. She's been interviewed with videotape rolling and observed by police officers. She's been to counseling and treated with EMDR.
    They all say she is completely credible and there is no way she could know what she does if she wasn't telling the truth.
    So now it's a criminal case against him. There is an unofficial no contact order. He refused the lie detector test. Here's some irony for you, I went after child support for the last 3 years and finally got it Jan 1st of this year, and is so far actually paying what meager little amount I got.
    But the medical he was ordered to carry, he put her wrong birthdate on it so it doesn't help us. My fiancee and I were going to get married In March but because of all this we got married in January so my daughter would have health coverage, but they wont' cover it since I can't talk to my ex's insurance company and the new one won't pay without the certificate of coverage from the ex's.
    So here's my question.
    Can I have my ex's rights terminated, and my new husband adopt her?
    And if so, HOW?
    Do I do it before he's actually charged with child sexual abuse?
    Do I wait?
    I can barely sleep at night thinking if something happens to me he might somehow get through some wierd loop hole in the justice system and end up with custody of her again.
    I was instructed by DHS to get sole custody with no visitation for EVER.
    Well what's the difference? Really?
    That I still get child support? I don't want his money. I don't want him near my daughter ever again.
    Anyone have suggestions at all???
    Feel free to ask more questions as well in case I didn't explain myself well.
    I just don't have the money to get a lawyer yet.
    Please help.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Marriage Was Not Valid

    Quote Quoting Tanneuby1
    View Post
    Can I have my ex's rights terminated, and my new husband adopt her?
    I expect so. You're in Oregon? The custody order is out of Oregon?
    Quote Quoting Tanneuby1
    View Post
    Do I do it before he's actually charged with child sexual abuse?
    Talk to the prosecutor to see if they think it would harm the prosecution.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    WV
    Posts
    115

    Default Re: Terminating The Rights Of An Abusive Parent

    The child protection agency should be trying to terminate his rights. Have they filed just a criminal case or did they file a petition in the juvi dependancy court? They should have filed both. The petition in the juvi court will terminate the criminal case will just send him to jail. You clearly have grounds for termination. Also after his rights are terminated you can still get child support until the child is adopted. Talk to the child protection agency and ask if they are going to terminate. Then it costs you nothing.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Terminating The Rights Of An Abusive Parent

    Thank you both for your replies.
    I am in Oregon and the ex resides in MN.
    They haven't charged him with anything yet, the D.A. in Minnesota is collecting evidence. I haven't heard any more than that at this time.
    The child protection agency here in Oregon said it's extremely hard to get his rights terminated, they said that the only way they usually will do that is for abandonment and they said my best chance is to simply go for sole custody with no visitation (since we weren't legally married at the time of her conception, but paternity has been established)
    The MN D.A. said they don't terminate in the criminal case.
    So I'm very flustered. The Detective in MN said we should terminate his rights but we can't find anyone else to agree with that.
    My biggest fear is he will be ordered to some sort of treatment program and then be allowed visitation after that.
    NO WAY will I allow that.
    I know I should talk to a lawyer, which my current husband did, but he said the same thing about abandonment, OR we can present the ex with the child support and all the medical bills and let him know this will stop if he signs his rights over.
    Wow this is such a crazy process, and we just can't seem to get concrete answers from anyone.
    Thank you again for your replies.

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Similar Threads

  1. Terminating Parental Rights to Abusive Daughter
    By elipse71 in forum Juvenile Law
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 07-08-2010, 03:57 PM
  2. Adoption of Children: Terminating Parental Rights and Step-Parent Adoption
    By Yellow38 in forum Adoption Law and Surrogacy
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-31-2010, 07:51 PM
  3. Abusive Parent Threatens to Take Child
    By stewy in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 12-01-2009, 09:25 PM
  4. Terminating Non-Custodial Parent's Rights
    By mjr2008 in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-02-2008, 02:17 PM
  5. Adoption of Children: Step-Parent Adoption And Terminating Alcoholic Mother's Rights in Oklahoma
    By soccermom827 in forum Adoption Law and Surrogacy
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-20-2007, 11:08 AM
 
 
Sponsored Links

Legal Help, Information and Resources