This is my first time on here and this is my first question, but extremely complicated so bear with me.
I met my ex and we got married. But turned out we weren't really married because his previous divorce wasn't actually final.
My ex was very verbally abusive to me and addicted to crack. I left him when my daughter was 2. He got clean and went to treatment with a few relapses but I still kept my distance.
I moved from MN (with his permission) to Oregon in 2004 and the agreement was he'd take her for the summers.
He never paid child support but he did take her for a 2 month visit in 2004,2005 (Dec, Jan). She had to come back early because my ex's wife was having a hard time.
Then I agreed to let her visit again from Nov of 2006 until June of 2007. I know it seems like a long time but my reasoning was, he finally had his life together, he and his wife were doing well together and he had a house and a job, and since it had been so long since he'd seen her I said, ok, under one condition. That she finish the school year there, I didn't want her being bounced around. He agreed. During that time was a paternity hearing and he lied and said my daughter was living at his house, and I had been informed since it was just a paternity hearing I didn't need to be there so I wasn't. Well unfortunately for me, during that paternity hearing I could have had child support ordered and since I wasn't there and she was supposedly living with him, I lost any chance of having anything retroactive.
Please follow me on this, I know it's long.
So due to a lot of strange going ons at his house (like my being unable to talk to my daughter when I called etc...), I called him one day at work and he said he was sorry but his life was falling apart and maybe it was better she come home.
I said yep...no problem, let's get her on the soonest plane.
So here is where the story goes whacked.
Christmas Eve my daughter discloses to me that my ex sexually abused her while she was there. (she's only 7).
I was stunned. I went through denial, I've been through even more denial. Then I felt a lot of guilt. Now I'm good and pissed.
I reported it the day after Christmas. She has been medically examined. She's been interviewed with videotape rolling and observed by police officers. She's been to counseling and treated with EMDR.
They all say she is completely credible and there is no way she could know what she does if she wasn't telling the truth.
So now it's a criminal case against him. There is an unofficial no contact order. He refused the lie detector test. Here's some irony for you, I went after child support for the last 3 years and finally got it Jan 1st of this year, and is so far actually paying what meager little amount I got.
But the medical he was ordered to carry, he put her wrong birthdate on it so it doesn't help us. My fiancee and I were going to get married In March but because of all this we got married in January so my daughter would have health coverage, but they wont' cover it since I can't talk to my ex's insurance company and the new one won't pay without the certificate of coverage from the ex's.
So here's my question.
Can I have my ex's rights terminated, and my new husband adopt her?
And if so, HOW?
Do I do it before he's actually charged with child sexual abuse?
Do I wait?
I can barely sleep at night thinking if something happens to me he might somehow get through some wierd loop hole in the justice system and end up with custody of her again.
I was instructed by DHS to get sole custody with no visitation for EVER.
Well what's the difference? Really?
That I still get child support? I don't want his money. I don't want him near my daughter ever again.
Anyone have suggestions at all???
Feel free to ask more questions as well in case I didn't explain myself well.
I just don't have the money to get a lawyer yet.
Please help.

