Child Custody And Support

[thatgirl640]

Why is your post so hateful? I'm not trying to replace the kids' mom, and so I do not care how bright my candle shines, for your information. I don't want to be their mother, they already have one! I do have the right to think that certain things, like using the f word at a child and fast food every night, are not the best way to treat your kids, but that goes for all kids, not just these two.

Additionally, I am NOT going marching into court, either. Why would I? It's not my place to, and I never said it was. Let me make it clear to everyone who reads these posts...I am not the meddling 'new woman' stepping up and making plans to get rid of Mom. Not even in the slightest. I am just trying to keep a good dad and his kids together, that's all. He didn't ask to be cheated on and have his family torn apart, and he doesn't deserve to lose his kids. I am part of his support system, and when he is stressed, angry, hurt, worried, anything, I am too. That's the way it is with someone you love. You share everything, including problems, so I am emotionally involved. It's hard not to be. I fully understand, however, that this is between the two of them and does not legally involve me. I am just trying to be there for him.

All of the stuff I posted earlier about what kind of a parent she is was because someone asked a question, and our posts got moved and that one disappeared. I was trying to point out that she is filing for sole custody, and she is NOT parent of the year, and she is trying to take the kids away from my bf, who IS a good parent, just for the custody money (which she has admitted to him). If she wins how is that fair? I guess I would then consider the courts inept.

My only goal here is to help out any way I can to help him keep his kids. How you would feel (any of you) if someone tried to take your kids from you and you were scared you couldn't stop them? You would want anyone to help you if they could. That's all I'm trying to do for him.

I have a feeling that a lot of you are dealing with meddling step-parents or ex's new partners that frustrate you or try to come between you and your kids. You automatically assume that I am one of those people, and I am not. I haven't really seen anyone get outraged that a good dad might lose his kids over money. But there sure is a lot of outrage that a long-term serious girlfriend who is emotionally involved might *gasp* say something bad about Mom (even if it is factual), or even worse, dare to ask for advice and help.

[sassenach]

Amen to that!!!! I have had a good experience so far on this site with the one answer I have gotten but I have read a lot of the other replies to other step parents and signifigant others that just make me cringe.
While you do come across a little bit over the top to normal people they don't know you - you could have been raised exactly the way you feel all children should be raised. You could have come from a very loving, caring family - YES THEY ARE OUT THERE PEOPLE - and never needed to use this site personally.
As a step parent I can tell you it is hard to see the kids and your spouse or SO hurting and frustrated because you are the one that lives with them every day and you DO go through it with them!!!
I'm not saying my husbands ex girlfriend is a bad mother but honestly my step son wants to live with his Dad - my step daughter is happy with visiting and living with her mom.
Good luck to you !

[525601minutes]

She does smoke, and I wouldn't care, but she smokes with the kids in the car, and asthma runs in their family, the kids are very sensitive to a lot of stuff,

In CA it is illegal to smoke with minors in the car. I'm sure it would be something very simple to add "no smoking with kids in car" into the custody/visitation/parenting plan. Just ask the court for a modification to the current order.

and just recently she cancelled on her daughter's brownie troop outing b/c she didn't have the money, but then let it slip she bought cigs that day. It was only five dollars to go on the outing. Not heinous, but pretty sad to me.

You're right - not heinous - illegal or anything else. Just shows she sucks at budgeting. It happens.

She swears in front of the kids...a lot. They'll come over and the four-yr-old is saying s**t and d**n and you can bet he didn't hear it here. I asked him where he heard those words and he told me Mommy. I believe it...here's one instance...imagine saying this to your six-year-old daughter...I witnessed it...God Da**it, I already f**king told you, I don't want to play with your stupid f**king dolls! I almost cried at the look on her face.

Shit like that happens in real life - in real families where the parents are not divorced. Is it healthy to have a mommie who doesn't want to play dolls? maybe not. Is it required that all mommies act like June Cleaver 24/7? God no.

She deliberately tries to drive a wedge between my bf and the kids with every word, every action, everything. From trying to keep him from his time with the kids to telling them that Daddy's house isn't home anymore for them, it never ends. And I worry that at some point we won't be able to undo the damage.
,,,She also has the kids for the majority of the school week, and deliberately has been witholding school papers and appointments from us...i.e. conferences. She never told my bf that there was an appointment...it was sheer luck he talked to the teacher to find out. Come to find out she has been keeping a lot from us...the teacher now makes an extra copy of everything and sends it to us every week...the teacher was very disappointed in the ex's behavior in this matter.

It is not your damage to undo. If your boyfriend honestly thinks her comments/actions are causing PAS - parental alienation syndrome - then he should ask the court to require the family to attend parenting classes and/or family therapy.

She feeds them nothing but fast food and TV dinners, and doughnuts for breakfast. We feed them healthy nutritious foods while they're with us...it's actually more expensive to eat out or buy TV dinners than it is to buy the stuff to make spaghetti or grill some chicken. It's not a question of money, it's a question of caring enough to take the time to cook for your kids.

Something I personally don't do. Thank God for my microwave because otherwise my kid and I would starve.

So I guess when you add it all up, she might not be an "unfit parent" but she sure isn't a great one.

Then it is too bad that your boyfriend married her and procreated. Maybe next time he will select someone who actually wants to be not just a mother - but a GOOD mother. In America she is free to be any kind of mother she chooses as long as it does not break the law.
PERIOD.

[thatgirl640]

Great points everyone, thanks for the helpful answers and yep, I sure was raised in a loving caring family and think that every parent has an obligation to treat their children with love and respect. But a good point was raised, that she has a right to be any kind of mother she wants to be. I can't stop her, and it's not my business to, frankly. The only thing I want is that my bf gets equal time with his kids. The rest of it is just somewhat inconsequential. I do agree that reading back over my first posts I do come across as over the top, but it's a mix of frustration and anger at her selfishness more than anything. Anyway, I don't mind honest answers from you folks. I just don't like to be yelled at in someone's post. I'm not too proud to admit if I'm wrong, but I sure don't deserve to be berated simply for trying to help someone I love.

Anyway, thanks again, I appreciate the conversations, and good luck to all with your respective issues.

God Bless

[sassenach]

You too! I am in MI also - I have seen good fathers not get full custody of their children even when the mother has perjured herself over and over in court ( and been caught by the judge) she can't work because of a "condition" but can work under the table at her mom's bar and now after 6 years she has involved her teenage daughter in destrucion of property, theft, drug use and such.....this has nothing to do with the case I posted about but this is my best friend ( he is the father that didn't get custody)
So i do understand that the laws here are a bit strange.
I came from a loving family too - even tho they were divorced so I think you are doing just fine! You obviously care for your boyfriends children and if you have plans for a future with him then believe me it is easier on all parties if you get along with the kids too. Both my husband and I brought kids into our marriage - mine were 14 and 9 ( now 21and 16)
his were 14 months and unborn. Being a step parent isn't easy but even though I don't care for his ex - they make a real effort to get along to not throw the kids life in an upheaval - of course they were so young ( or not born) when they split that the way we have it is all they really know.
Good luck to you and keep your chin up. Even if you can't go into court you can still visit his attorney with him and be there for support!

[infinity386]

Honestly, If she files for sole custody I think he should file a counter claim.
Be careful with spending money on lawyers though. the entire thing can snow ball and cost more than either of you are prepared.


As far as child support in 50/50 custody, I think Minnesotan has a fair law. I think several other stats have the same law.

Basically they look at the time spent with child + both parents income + plus financial needs of the child. It wont get any fairer than that. and yes we need a federal plan similar to this one. Im sure there will always be drama over children. but this will illuminate 80% for sure.

good luck.

[jojo4]

but this will illuminate 80% for sure.

It's going to light 80% of something up?

[infinity386]

It's going to light 80% of something up?

*eliminate