Quote Quoting cdwjava
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I am sorry you fell for the manipulation by your abuser, but this is HORRIBLE advice! Women DIE when they refuse to seek assistance ... and their children get injured or grow up thinking that abuse and control is the normal state of male-female relationships and the cycle goes on.

The system is generally designed to give the victim some measure of aid to get out on their own when victimized by an abuser. What they can't control is the poor decisions made by the victim when they choose to recant or even lie to protect their abuser (some 75% of DV victims walk this line within 48 hours of the reported abuse).

It amazes me, because YOU are willing to risk jail for your abuser, but the abuser is not willing to risk jail for you. he could have stepped forward and admitted to pushing you into lying ... but, he didn't. So, I hope you now see him for the snake he is.

In any event, this is horrible advice for victims. Victims SHOULD seek help - and they should seek it before they become hospitalized or dead. When you wait too long, it becomes much harder to get out.


- Carl

Unfortunately I was offered no support or help or advice and was far too sick to attempt a move at the time. I have since done so. I'm well aware that the situation was going nowhere good and am lucky to be out alive, but I stand by my advice given my experience as a victim of DV. I was threatened with jail during the second assault if I didn't "shut up and comply". (I was crying) This the day after a miscarriage, emergency surgery with me on heavy narcotics and running a fever. Good luck to other victims of DV, you need it in spades. Perhaps the best bet is to contact a support line or group, get out while you can and file reports from a safe place but don't be surprised by lack of help from law enforcement or the justice system, particularly in rural areas run by the "good ol' boys".

Carl, if you re-read you'll notice there is a pending charge and no, I'm not willing to risk jail time this time. The first time I was pregnant, and in a situation where I was told during the weeks between the incident and the court date "I didn't do that, it wasn't that bad", "I'll never drink again", "I need to be here for you and the baby".... ad nauseum. On the outside, it sounds ridiculous. Living it, it makes you question your own sanity because what you see/know and what you're told repeatedly are two different things. Abusers are often very convincing and if you've ever met a liar so good as to make you question your own knowledge, you know what I mean. Try living with that. I've since found that the upcoming DV trial is for a felony as he has two prior DV assaults (didn't know that!). It would be nice if these cases were black and white, but that's not the real world is it?