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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Stressful Custody Issues While Pregnant

    Situation: I'm living in Texas and plan to stay here to raise my child. I'm currently 6 months pregnant with a man who is in active duty military who might be redeploying in the spring/summer of 2008. I am due in early May. He has stated that he would be gone for 15 months tops. I'm currently married to him but am considering a divorce after the baby is born due to the lack of emotional, financial support, etc.. We are separated (in terms of we don't speak to each other on a regular basis due to overwhelming stressful fights I don't want to have while I'm pregnant.) The last time I spoke with him I raised the issue that I was considering a divorce. He agreed to a divorce. I then started to talk about possible custody rights that could happen, and he flipped out!
    He is not from Texas and will probably move away from Texas after his time is served in the military. BUT his ideas of custody vs. mine ideas kind of hit home with me and made me very uncomfortable.

    His custody ideas- He wants joint custody...Him being gone for 15 months he wants to come back and with the baby being about a year and some odd months old wants to start taking our son every summer to his place of residence (where ever that may be?..) He also wanted a few holidays out of the year to see him as well. I have major problems with my son being away from me for that long of a time. By all means I want him a part of my son's life as much as possible, but it kind of breaks my heart to think I could possibly be without my son for months at a time.

    My custody ideas- I wanted primary physical custody- the son lives with me. AND joint legal custody- we both make decisions on religion, health care, etc...I would love for my current husband to be able to see him whenever possible, but I was thinking more along the lines of every other weekend visatation rights and split holidays, and my door would always be open for scheduling other times to visit. Me and my husband have come to not agree on anything. We are always fighting and he is very verbally abusive to me...I don't want my son to see any of this, and I'm very scared for the outcome.

    After I told my husband about my ideas he changed his ideas to "It shouldn't be hard for me to get primary custody." So I know now that when the divorce and custody papers are filed it has a very big possiblity that it will go to court b/c we can't agree on the child. What are the chances of him getting joint custody or primary custody over our son? AND if we are constantly fighting over our baby already (he isn't even born yet) does anyone think that joint custody would be a good way to go? Am I being unrealistic about my expectations on custody rights? I'm really just looking for the best interest of my child, but I would hate for my baby to be away from for such long periods of time. He also stated that the JAGG office in the military said to him that if we both filed for primary custody that more than likely we would be awarded joint. His legal advisor also told him that a military man is more likely to be awarded primary or more visitation rights than a normal civialian. Does anyone know anything about army military and how judges might consider him a better parent than I could be?

    Sorry so long..It's kind of complicated. Thanks for any help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2005

    Default Re: Stressful Custody Issues While Pregnant

    Am I being unrealistic about my expectations on custody rights?
    Ummmm yep!
    Your custody ideas and his custody ideas are irrelevant. That's why there are called laws, and not ideas.
    What you can expect....
    You, primary physical custody.
    Him, joint custody, with a say in medical care, dental care, and religious upbringing.
    As far as visitation. normally, he would get something along the lines of every other weekend, a night or 2 during the week, split the holidays, and maybe a week here and there. Adjustments will be made, due to the fact that he's in the military, and the age of the child. He may be looking at a sliding scale on the visitation.
    You say you have major problems with "your" son being away from you. That's something you will need to get over. You chose to create a life with this man. He has just as much right to that child as you.
    As far as the JAG goes, if I remember correctly, being a military mans wife, you can get representation as well from them? Could be wrong tho. But being an airforce brat myself, i seem to remember that the JAG looks out for the spouses pretty well.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Re: Stressful Custody Issues While Pregnant

    Thank you for replying. Yes, I understand I might have an issue with my son being away from me, but I think it has a lot to do with he isn't even here yet and me and my husband are fighting over him already. It just seems unfair to me at the moment b/c I'm still carrying the baby. I'm sure I will get over that in the furture. I'm really just wanting a good environment for my son in the end. I very much so want my husband to have rights to see his son and care for him.

    What you said about the custody sounds perfect to me, but I'm positive my husband would never agree on that. What do you mean by he may be looking at a sliding scale on the visitations? Is there any effects of him possibly moving to another state after getting out of the military? And what type of adjustments do you think would be made for him being in the military and the age of the child? I'm really clueless about all this.

    And you are right the military does look after the spouses pretty good. I've already contacted the IG. I didn't get as far as contacting the JAG office b/c I was told by my husband I had no rights to anything in the military.?? I will def. try that as well.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Re: Stressful Custody Issues While Pregnant

    I also forgot to mention that a small issue on why I want to get a divorce is b/c a girl contacted me recently and she is 7 months pregnant with "so I'm told" his baby as well as me being 6 months pregnant. I married him when I was 2 months pregnant and had no idea about this other girl. Later I found out he indeed knew she was pregnant and told her the same things he is telling me now. (he will get custody of the baby, verbally abusive, etc...) She is due almost exactly one month before I am. Will this affect child custody or support for either one of us?

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