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  1. #1

    Default In Louisiana: Need Help With Custody Issues Of An Unborn Child

    State: Louisiana

    I am 30 weeks pregnant and due in early April. I am considering leaving my boyfriend who is my baby's biological father. (A DNA test has been done via chorionic villus testing.) I am in need of some advice to help me make the best of a bad situation that I have created.

    Issue:
    1. Boyfriend has lived with me for 4 months. I was unemployed for 2 of the 4 months and have since manged to find 2 part-time jobs to pay the bills. He however has remained unemployed until this past week when he took a minimum-wage job.

    2. Before losing my job, I placed myself in financial peril by paying $4500 in legal costs (bail & attorney fees) for him. In November he went before a judge who is requiring him to finish his GED by his next court date in February. In addition he is to continue participating in anger management classes and the judge wants to see us continue taking parenting classes together in prepartion for our daughter's birth. In the 2 1/2 months time the judge has given him to do these things, he has gone to 2 anger management classes, has not worked on his schooling and has expected me to schedule parenting classes for us.

    3. I have reached my limit of tolerance and am now at my boiling point. I have lost any respect I had for my boyfriend as he has made no serious attempt to be a responsible partner. I am willing to take care of one child on my own, but I am not willing to take care of our daughter AND him.

    My options as they appear to me:
    A) Kick him out on his butt and let him fend for himself but be completely alone for the remainder of my pregnancy (I have no family in the state and what family I do have refuse to participate in my daughter's life because of who the father is.)
    B) Continue living together and hope things get better. (Looking at his track record this isn't a very optomistic option)

    Problems I am anticipating:
    A) He will want shared custody but has done nothing to help support me during this pregnancy. I have supported him! His mother has frequently bought food for us and I'm afraid that he might use this as a way to claim that he has supported me during the pregnancy. (She would perjur herself I believe if asked about it in court if she thought it would help him.)
    B) He used to smoke marijuana but has managed to stay away from it due to his upcoming court case. He has informed me that he wants to begin smoking again recreationally and that he wants to do this soon. I believe that he will do this once he feels that he is free from the court system.
    C) If I break up with him, I will never be reimbursed by him for the $4500 which has nearly cost me my home, let alone ever see any child support. Any true support I would get would come from his mother, not him.

    Does anyone have any legal (or even parental) advice they can give me? I know I have created a difficult situation, but I want to do what is right to make this bad situation better. Although I have considered adoption (giving birth in Utah and adopting out from there due to Utah's adoption-friendly laws), I have decided that adoption is not an option for me personally. If I thought my boyfriend would change and become a responsible partner and father, I'd be willing to tough it out. Unfortunately he would rather let others take care of him and I just don't have it in me to take care of a grown man any longer.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,031

    Default Re: In Louisiana: Need Help With Custody Issues Of An Unborn Child

    Based on your posting history I would agree that for you to continue living with this man is unwise. Forget the 4,500.00 . It's gone. Think of it as a small price to pay for a good life lesson.

    If I were you I would start eviction proceedings. If the apt is in both names then wait till the lease is up and move yourself. Until then turn off all non-necessary items (billed in your name) in the house. Land-line, cable, DSL...ect...If he wants to watch cable let HIM pay for it.


    When the child is born file for child support. He probably won't pay (based on your postings of his character), but you still should have a order. Eventually he will either pay or face jail time for failure to support. He legally does not have to do a thing to support you or the child until there is an order. Do not mention that he has "supported" you during your pregnancy...he doesn't have to. If you have chosen to support him that was your choice.

    IF he file for custody/visitation he will get it. You need to except that. His pot smoking wasn't an issue when you decided to make him a daddy and it won't be for visitation/custody. Unless he is smoking pot with your child in the room AND you have either video or pic's of him doing this, don't bother bringing this up at custody proceedings. You could request drug/alcohol testing and the judge may consider it if he has a history of using. A GOOD parenting plan is also good to have...See if you and Dad can come to some REASONABLE agreements regarding parenting. If not draw one up for mediation.


    Parenting advice:

    Get a co-parenting book and read it. You have 18+ years ahead that you will have to deal with this man...It is FAR easier to do this if you can except that you won't be able to control him or his actions. The important thing is to remember that this is your child's father...for better or worse. S/He will love him despite his (many) faults and to disparage her/his father is to disparage the child. Read some threads here and on other legal sites to give you an idea of what the likely outcome will be for you in your state.

    This is another very good site for custody/support advice/information (hope Aaron doesn't get mad for posting this link...)


    http://www.freeadvice.com/


    Good luck and I hope you and your soon to be ex can work out your differences and place the baby's need first..

    Bay

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    20

    Default Re: In Louisiana: Need Help With Custody Issues Of An Unborn Child

    I mostly disagree with the above reply.

    The fact of the matter is that this man is your daughter's father. You may have to deal with him for 18+ years regardless of your actions in the immediate future.

    Having briefly looked at the child custody factors in the state of Louisiana, I say you have a very good shot at getting full custody. "Moral fitness of the parties, insofar as it affects the minor child" is one of the factors, and while I don't know Louisiana law per se, I do know that other states take that factor very seriously. If this man has used marijuana and is likely to continue doing so, it should have a hugely negative impact on his shot at having custody. Also, I would imagine that fact would limit his parenting time and possibly even require it to be supervised (again, going on other state law as I'm not familiar with Louisiana).

    Another two factors consider "the capacity and disposition of each party to give the child love, affection, and spiritual guidance and to continue the education and rearing of the child," and "the capacity and disposition of each party to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, and other material needs." I imagine that if he isn't motivated enough to schedule parenting classes on his own, his disposition to do these things is minimal. Plus, he was unemployed for a good length of time, and found only minimum wage employment. These things do not indicate to me that he is willing to put his child before himself, but I'm not the judge either...

    Another factor looks at the physical and mental health of the parties. If he has been ordered to complete anger management classes and has not done so, it could possibly negatively impact how the court views his mental health.

    (I simply googled "Louisiana Child Custody Factors" to find them.)

    Also, you have the decision to file for a child support order or not. True, he has no legal obligation to pay unless you have an order, but he also may not file for custody and/or visitation rights if you let him just walk away from the whole thing. I would seriously consider your options before automatically filing for a support order, espcially since he doesn't seem likely to pay it anyway.

    I would recommend you call an attorney to get definite legal advice. You can probably find one that will give you a free consultation.

    Good luck to you and your child.

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