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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    6

    Default Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    My pregnant ex-girlfriend is 17 and is due in August. Her and her family are planning to move out of state ASAP.
    After trying to get me to move up there (Im in North Carolina) and me turning the idea down, shes decided to take full control and wants sole custody, the baby will have her last name. While I pay child support and shes going to "allow" me to come visit whenever I want.

    I want joint custody with the child having my last name, summers and other vacations and alternating holidays with me.
    Shes being unreasonable and every time I try to talk to her she gets extremely irrational and threatens me with a restraining order.
    To get what I want, I know I'll have to take her to court, but she said if I go to court she'll push for sole custody and I wont be able to visit at all.
    I really don't know where to start, if I should hire a lawyer, when I should hire a lawyer, how much a lawyer would cost.

    If someone could help I would appreciate it.
    Thank you.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State.

    This is coming from someone who is, I guess, the "ex." Number one, she can't just have sole custody because she says she wants it. You, as the father, have rights to your child. She does not have as much control as she would like to think. That also being said, as far as getting summers and Holidays, the courts usually do not grant extended periods of visitation for children that young. In Texas, there is a "stair-stepping" system to visitation so that the child has a chance to build a bond with you. Its traumatic on a child to just be dropped with a man that they do not know. You can take her to court to have your name on the birth certificate and to get the child to have your last name and visitations. But it is not nearly as simple as either one of you seems to think it is. Trust me. I've done it, ad I am still fighting with it.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    I know its not going to be easy. But when is the right time to get a lawyer? I can't imagine a judge hearing a case during the 1st or 2nd trimester, but on the other hand, her and her family are high-tailing to Washington as soon as they possibly can.

    My idea was to have her move with her family, give the child my last name, I'd even settle for hyphenated at this point. I would be allowed to visit as much as I could afford and work/school would allow. Until the child was old enough to fly cross country with me to spend time where I live. Then when the child was old enough to legally choose between us, we would both respect the wishes of our child.
    After that, she told me not to contact her anymore, shes threatened me with restraining orders, and is accusing me of being controlling.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    755

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    Call her bluff my man. And get a lawyer now so he can file an injunction to stop her from moving now.
    And if she does move, push for her to be responsible for all transportation costs.
    She's blowing alot of hot air.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    You cannot stop her from moving. She is under age, the child has not been born and the two of you are not married. Once the child is born you will have to start a paternity action in the state where the child resides. It is extremely unlikely you will get anything but visitation and a big child support order.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    So is there nothing I can do to ensure that I can have custody?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,031

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    Quote Quoting mscarter56
    View Post
    So is there nothing I can do to ensure that I can have custody?
    No. When you have a child outside of marriage the mother is the only LEGAL parent until paternity is established. At that point you would have to prove Mom LEGALLY unfit to gain custody.

    After the birth of the child file for Paternity/Support/Custody-Visitation. You WILL get visitation with the child. Mom can't dictate that unless she is willing to be in contempt of court.

    I am also going to address the comment below. Children do NOT get to choose which parent they want to live with. It should not be discussed with them. They also don't get to choose when to go to school,doctors appt's, denist...ect...They are children and should not have the burden of choosing between their parents laid at their feet. I suggest you taking a parenting class and taking out a book or three on co-parenting.

    . Then when the child was old enough to legally choose between us, we would both respect the wishes of our child.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    You dont have to jump down my throat okay?
    By "choose" I meant if at some point they express wishes to come live with me for whatever reason. And I was thinking around 12-13. Which I would say was a pretty good age to have an idea of what was going on.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,948

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    Studies have show it is emotionally damaging to children to have them choose between two parents - at any age.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,031

    Default Re: Ex-Girlfriend Moving Out Of State

    Quote Quoting mscarter56
    View Post
    You dont have to jump down my throat okay?
    By "choose" I meant if at some point they express wishes to come live with me for whatever reason. And I was thinking around 12-13. Which I would say was a pretty good age to have an idea of what was going on.
    I didn't jump down your throat.

    Children do not get to choose. Period. It is cruel to ask them to.

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