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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    San Berna-ghetto, CA
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    1

    Default How Can We Stop the Mother From Taking the Child Again

    My boyfriend and I have been together since his daughter was 3 months old; she's going to be 3 in 4 months now. Her mother put a TRO on him once when the baby was 8 months old and we didn't see her for 3 months before their court date, then custody and visitation was established (3 days a week and she lives with mom) and things smoothed over.

    Well, she lost her job 5 weeks ago. She is on Welfare and now asking us for child support. Since she lost her job, she has been hounding us to take her overnight more often. So we had her overnight on wednesday because mom had surgery thursday morning. She calls us in the middle of thursday afternoon demanding we take her overnight again because she is drugged up. We are supposed to go to work in 2 hours, so we tell her we can't, but we ended up cancelling work because she wouldn't let it go. Then, an hour after we tell her we just called sick to work so we could watch the baby, she calls to say "just take her to my moms". So a fight starts about how we just called off work to take care of her and now that we're off, we're keeping her overnight.

    Long story short, my boyfriend drops off his daughter to her mother and she starts scremaing at him about taking him to court. We don't want to lose her, but we're not sure what we can do. The last time she took the baby away, he was dropping off food, formula, and diapers and she started screaming at him and threw an ashtray at him while he was holding their daughter, then bit him multiple times and SHE got the restraining order against him claiming HE was the voilent one!
    She's been institutionalized in a mental hospital for the criminally insane before, there's been signs of neglect towards the baby off and on, and we just want to be her primary caregivers (At least we bathe her daily). What can we do and how do we do it? We're in the San bernardino county area of California where apparently having a sheriff's deputy who is your father's drinking buddy means you can attack your child's father, then claim he attacked you (SCRATCH FREE!) despite what other witnesses have to say.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    755

    Default Re: How Can We Stop Her From Taking Her Again?

    Is there a custody/visitation order in place?
    If not, get one.
    Is he not paying child support? He should be, but that will also start when the custody hearing takes place.
    As far as the abuse....
    Document it. Video tape it. And have a friend ( not you, a neutral party ) be there for the exchange.
    Sounds like theres nothing in writing anywhere about when visitation really is.
    And remember, this is HIS fight, not yours. When it comes time to goto court, he does all the talking, not you. (as harsh as that may seem, it's not personal, but he is the dad)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: How Can We Stop the Mother From Taking the Child Again

    but we ended up cancelling work because she wouldn't let it go.
    There is no we in this situation. There was absolutely no reason for YOU to call off from work. If dad needed to , then that is part of being a dad. Why would you call off from work? If dad is not capable of tending to the child on his own, then he willl have a nearly insurmountable prblem in court trying to seek custody.

    Since mom is now on welfare, I strongly suspect dad will get a notice that he is required to pay child support and a meeting will be set up to provide him official notice as to how much.

    Since custody and visitation have already been established, the only thing you can do is abide by those orders until something is changed. To change those orders, dad will need to petition for a modification to those orders. If there is suspected abuse, then it needs to be documented and recorded so dad will have some ammunition when attempting to seek custody.

    Taking the child to a doctor to have any injuries documented by the doctor (whill can also attest as to how it may have been caused) would help as well.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    28,906

    Default Re: How Can We Stop the Mother From Taking the Child Again

    There is no law that says only the biological parent can take time off of work to care for a child in an emergency. Blended families are allowed to function as families.

    There is no basis to assume that a parent who has to miss work to unexpectedly care for a child would not make appropriate child care arrangements if he had custody of the child.

    There's apparently a domestic violence history here which, even accepting that it is "unfair", is likely to affect any petition to modify custody.

    If mom's on "welfare" she has no choice in relation to child support - the state will seek it to offset the public assistance provided to the mother.

  5. #5
    panther10758 Guest

    Default Re: How Can We Stop the Mother From Taking the Child Again

    I think JK's reference was to "both" calling in. Post said "we". I agree that OP did not need to call in as it was not OP's child but I "think" OP's complaint was the "we" part which makes no sense why did both have to call in?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    28,906

    Default Re: How Can We Stop the Mother From Taking the Child Again

    It doesn't really matter.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: How Can We Stop the Mother From Taking the Child Again

    I do understand the point Aaron and I do enjoy seeing a child having 4 people (if it be 2 couples) treating a child with the love a parent should be blessed with. That does not change the legal rights OP has concerning the situation though. The problem was that why would it require 2 people to call off work to care for the one child?

    OP mentions we, us, whatever but then complains of the child staying longer than predetermined then goes on to state "we" do not want to lose her. "they" have to make up thier minds as to either they want to be parents or not. Being a parent often has those little "surprises" of illness and such the lay waste to all the plans one may have been making for a year to come. Generally, a parent must learn to roll with the punches to survive.

    Although OP did not mention it, I tend to think there are no children in her relationship with her boyfriend other than the child mentioned.

    re: the restraining order; did your boyfriend contest the order? Not familiar with CA but in some other states, the order is contestable and the judge will make the determination of need based upon his/her beliefs at that time.

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