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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    2

    Unhappy Want to Change Custody Order To Reflect Actual Arrangement

    My ex husband and were separated a year and were divorced 2 years ago. At the time of our divorce I could not afford an attorney. My ex was dating a paralegal who worked for her mother who was a attorney. He had her draw up divorce and custody papers. The agreement as it stands is joint custody with neither of us having to pay support to the other. I didn't really agree with this agreement but at the time I didn't have the money to fight it. He agreed to let my son stay with me primarily. He said he only wanted joint custody so that he wouldn't have to pay child support because he couldn't afford it. As it stand now according to the agreement my son is supposed to reside in one home one week and the other home the next, alternate holidays, i.e. Since my ex doesn't reside in my son's school district he is to live with me during the week and visit his father on weekends. He is only supposed to alternate weeks during the summer. According to the agreement I am supposed to maintain health insurance on my son, which I have.

    This agreement has never been followed. My son has always resided with me during the week even during summer vacations. He usually visits his father 3 weekends a month but lately he only visits every other weekend. I work during the week and want to spend time with him on the weekends so we actually have time to do things together. My ex has never provided any financial support for my son. I provide all money for school fees, school supplies, clothing, doctor visits, my son is on 4 medications for asthma and allergies and I also pay for all of those. I pay for all other activities as well, not to mention housing, and food. My ex occasionally buys my son a t-shirt or a pair of jeans but these are on very rare occasions. I was recently married and my ex husband refused to let my son attend the wedding be cause it was out of state. He said he would have me charged with kidnapping. I researched and found since the one week my son would be out of state would not interfere with my ex seeing him at the designated time then I could take my son and I did.

    Now the questions. I would like to have the custody agreement in place changed to reflect the actual situation. I would like to have custody of my son and his father to have visitation since this is how the situation has been for the past 3 years anyway. I would also like to have a child support order put in place. I really don't see how it is fair that I am the sole provider for my son. Is it possible to have the current agreement changed without allegations of abuse or neglect? (my son isn't abused or neglected while he is with his father) Is there anything I can do without an attorney to change the agreement? Is it possible I would have to pay my ex-husband support since he tends to have a poor work history (several jobs a year) and my husband and I make more money than him? Please help as I am not sure how or where to begin? Any advice will be appreciated! Thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    643

    Default Re: Want to Change Custody Order To Reflect Actual Arrangement

    It is possible to modify the previous order. You do not necessarily have to have an attorney but need to know what you are doing and the easiest route would be if your ex-spouse would agree to the terms and have an agreed-to order of modification entered; otherwise, you will probably need counsel if there is going to be a fight over a modification.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    California
    Posts
    64

    Default Re: Want to Change Custody Order To Reflect Actual Arrangement

    Yes you can change the orders to reflect actual practice.

    You need to fill out an Order to Show Cause (OSC) and put down that for the past 3 years the actual practice was what you describe and that you would like to update your parenting agreement. Be very fact oriented as the courts do not like emotional arguments.

    In your new parenting agreement be specific about:

    what time the visitation starts and ends
    the number of weekends
    time during the summer vacation
    holiday splits
    school break splits
    request that your ex pay for 1/2 out of pocket medical

    If you Ex makes less money than you or is frequently unemployed then don't press the child support issue. He might, though, in his Responsive Declaration ask for child support. You both will have to fill out an Income and Expense Report.

    You might have to go through a Custody Evaluation if your Ex wants to be a jerk. Mostly it is an interview with a court psychologist, but the report to the court has a significant impact on the decision making.

    bird brain

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Want to Change Custody Order To Reflect Actual Arrangement

    Thank you for all the advice. My ex will probably be a jerk if I were to approach him first but I will attempt that anyway. My fear is that if we do go to court the judge will enforce the existing order. Does anyone know the chance of this? I would rather leave things the way they are now than have my son's life disturbed and have him with me one week and his father the next. He likes visiting his father but usually calls after a day or so and wants to come home. I suppose my best bet is to speak with an attorney.

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