I don't know what to do. When I was 11 years old I was sexually assaulted by my best friends dad. No need to get into detail, but there was no penetration but a sexual act did occur between me (the 11 year old) and him (35-40??) At the time I did not know what to do, but did not tell anyone because it was just far too embarrassing. This actually changed my life. I discontinued being friends with my best friend and I then began to be very enclosed and just didn't talk to anyone. These characteristics still resonate in me today, as I am still very antisocial & don't open up to anyone. The act itself did not exactly haunt me until I told my then girlfriend about it, and then her going to my parents. This happened at the age of 16 (maybe 17- am currently 17) My parents then sent me to a psychologist after we drove down to Texas to report this to the Police Department. I have since stopped going to the psychologist as I did not think it really was helping me at the time. We recently received a letter from the Texas police department stating that the case has been sent to the DA for acceptance or whatever they might need to send it to the DA for. Ever since the letter I have nightmares almost every night, every time I think of what happened I get nauseous and vomit, and am afraid to be alone as I am scared of some kind of retaliation for telling. I really never intended on telling my parents about this. I remember that the police officer said to my parents that this is not going to be easy, and the defense is going to drill me to death hoping I make a mistake in my story and such. With that, and the Law&Order shows I see on television- i'm certain that I cannot go to court. If I act like a basket case now, how would I act then? How do I tell my parents I need to go back to the doctor for help? I feel dumb. I don't know what to do, and i'm scared. I work in a supermarket and every time I see a man wearing an automotive type outfit [his profession], or see one of the engineers out walking around I easily break out into a cold sweat. I do not want to go to court. I don't want to, and I don't think I could make it through such an ordeal. I haven't told my parents about what i've been thinking, as they would easily shoot down the idea. With graduating high school soon, the stresses of college, this- I am very stressed. I just want the charges dropped. I would vote for dropping the charges, but I don't think there is anything I could do until i'm 18 [<6 months.] I know dropping the charges would be the wimpy way out and I do feel bad because of all the child molesting news coming out, but it's the only way that I feel that would alleviate most of this stress... advice please?
[sorry for this really long post.]

