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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    7

    Unhappy At What Age Can A Child Decide Custody?

    I am a resident of the UK and have primary custody of two young sons 9 and 12. I was divorced in the state of Iowa.
    My ex who lives in Iowa has joint custody with me and the boys go visit him each summer for 4 weeks and every other xmas.
    My question is as time goes on my sons who have lived in the UK for 7 years have expressed they would rather stay in England and do things over the summer holidays with their friends. They express their father doesn't do anything with them for the 4 out of 5 weeks they get off school in the summer here in England. The younger of the two boys also gets very anxious about visiting his father and spends a lot of time crying and throwing up. Their father often shouts profanities at them and forces this poor kid to eat which causes more anxiety. It's also a major concern for me because this little boy also has epilepsy.
    I have been to court and spent thounsands of $$$ working out a visitation plan but the kids are just plain miserable and my ex won't hear of anything about it except what's best for 'him'. He insist's the boys need 'street smarts' and he's the one to give it to them. The boys tell him they would rather stay in England over they summer and his response is "too bad. You're my kids too and if you don't come your mother will be in a lot of touble and can even go to jail" This is very upsetting for them.. It's all very disturbing!
    I guess I'm hoping the boys will soon be able to decide for themselves when they can't decied whether or not they want to visit their dad and for how long. What is the legal age in Iowa for the kids to decide? I've sifted through the Iowa State Code but haven't had much luck. Also is there something I can do in the UK such as take my younger son to the doctor and have him express his anxiety about seeing his dad? The boys are leaving in 10 days for their summer holiday with their father and already the tears have started. This isn't healthy at all.
    What can I do?
    Kind regards
    Pebbles

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    369

    Default Re: What age can I child decide?

    it doesnt matter what they decide but it does matter what he does. You could only attack his "abuse" at most.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: What age can I child decide?

    Quote Quoting Another Demise
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    it doesnt matter what they decide but it does matter what he does. You could only attack his "abuse" at most.
    Certainly there must be an age according to state code where a child can start making decisions regarding this matter?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,031

    Default Re: What age can I child decide?

    Quote Quoting pebbles
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    Certainly there must be an age according to state code where a child can start making decisions regarding this matter?
    18, Although if you want to modify the order a court MAY listen to their preference at 12 or 13. Please note the word MAY!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: What age can I child decide?

    Quote Quoting Baystategirl
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    18, Although if you want to modify the order a court MAY listen to their preference at 12 or 13. Please note the word MAY!
    I recently had our modification hearing. The 'abusive' attitude my ex has been expressing is only recently adopted. He, witin the past year has just retired from the military and I believe he is having a difficult time adjusting to life in the 'real world'. He is a completely different person since his retirement. I want to explain I am NOT ever planning on denying him visitation. He has parental rights but I believe the situation isn't a healthy one and maybe supervised visition would be better for everyone. The boys are happy when they spend time with their aunt (his sister) but recently he had a falling out with her and he said she is not to see the kids.

    I seriously doubt I can afford to fork out another several thousand dollars for court and I do realise that the courts look down upon putting children on the stand so I have to be careful how I handle this. If my ex were a reasonable, caring, nourturing person we could probably work this out ourselves but he isn't any of those things.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,773

    Default Re: What age can I child decide?

    Quote Quoting pebbles
    View Post
    I recently had our modification hearing. The 'abusive' attitude my ex has been expressing is only recently adopted. He, witin the past year has just retired from the military and I believe he is having a difficult time adjusting to life in the 'real world'. He is a completely different person since his retirement. I want to explain I am NOT ever planning on denying him visitation. He has parental rights but I believe the situation isn't a healthy one and maybe supervised visition would be better for everyone. The boys are happy when they spend time with their aunt (his sister) but recently he had a falling out with her and he said she is not to see the kids.

    I seriously doubt I can afford to fork out another several thousand dollars for court and I do realise that the courts look down upon putting children on the stand so I have to be careful how I handle this. If my ex were a reasonable, caring, nourturing person we could probably work this out ourselves but he isn't any of those things.
    Why wasn't this addressed at the recent modification hearing?

    Since a modification has recently been done, it's very doubtful that you will be able to get it into court, unless you can prove that there has been a change in circumstances that wasn't known at the time of the hearing.

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