Tonight my 11 year old daughter asked to come live with me. She has been asking for the past three years, but tonight she told me why. Her stepmother pulls her hair, hits her in the head, kicks her, twists her arm and calls her names often. My daughter used the words abuse and cruel.
I've talked to her father about the stepmother's discipline in the past and said that I don't believe in hitting or spanking and don't believe she should either. He told me that it wasn't my house, he backs her choices completely and if I really thought it was so bad I should call the police.
Soon afterwards an email was sent to my employer stating several reasons why I should be fired. Luckily for me HR let me read it and I recognized her email address. When I told my ex about what happened he said that it hadn't been his wife, it was a friend of hers who was using her computer. So, I know she can be vindictive.
My daughter asked me not to talk to her dad about it this time because every time I do, he talks to the stepmom, the stepmom says she is lying and then she "gets meaner." Less hitting, more putting down with words. Threw her favorite stuffed animals away because they were on her bedroom floor. She threw her diary away because it was filled with lies. She threw away all of school clothing I bought the girls this past August.
I told my daughter that I would need to talk to her dad about her moving here and she said that she already has and that he gets defensive and puts me down. His reasons are that I don't make enough money to support her, I live in the city not the suburbs, I won't be able to pay for college, I am unfit, the judge already determined he was the better parent, etc. He took out the divorce decree and had her read it.
I talked my my 12 year old daughter and she confirmed and said it was happening to her too. She deals with it by staying out the stepmom's way which isn't easy, but they do it by staying in their rooms. They said their father works from 6:00 to 10:00 most days when he isn't traveling. He travels for work over the weekends.
I've spoken to him about being gone so much and he got mad at me, telling me he does it to provide for his family and that he's not going to quit his job. He makes $180K a year. I make $60K.
My older daughter says she doesn't want to leave her school or her friends, my younger daughter says she just wants out and her friends don't mean as much as that. I've told her that her lifestyle will change. I can't afford a home like she lives in with her dad, I won't be able to buy her a car when she turns 16 ... that kind of thing. She said that none of that matters.
I've been told that there isn't much of a chance of getting a custody modification because my daughters are thriving. Great grades, no behavioral problems. And if I do decide to pursue, it's going to be extremely expensive. I'm worried about going through the procedure, not being granted custody and then my daughter's life being more difficult for her because she wants out. I'm afraid if I tell someone what is going on in their house I'll be branded for making false abuse claims because their stepmom will deny everything.
Each time I've tried to stand up for myself and have our current custody arrangement honored (he forgets my turn for holidays and vacations), my ex has threatened to get a lawyer and have more of it taken away from me.
What are our options? Is it possible for her to have a say or to decide where she wants to live? She doesn't want to go back on Monday.
Thank you

