I live in the state of Washington.
I am so humiliated, embarrassed and a shame. Yesterday, I was caught stealing #3 tubes of lipsticks ($26.97) from a local grocery store. However, the weird thing is I know that I really wanted to get caught, despite also being sorry for getting caught. I am a 51 year old Native American women, I am artist and have worked at administrative level in higher education. I have just developed a new training program based on my story of survival that was recently published. I will conduct my first training (workshop) at the end of this month.

I have been diagnosed with Chronic Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and Trichotillomania (a compulsive disorder). I am a survivor of childhood physical, emotional and sexual abuse, abandonment (age 16), multiple rapes (13 rapes of which 4 were gang rapes), domestic violence and substance abuse. I know all these factors do not excuse what I have done, and that I need to accept and take responsibility for my actions.

I started shoplifting when I was about 8 years old, Barbie doll clothes (at the time I was being sexually abuse by my grandfather), and through out high school. Over the years I have gone from weeks, months to over 10 years with out shoplifting, but something will happen and I will start up again. I have always felt horrible about it afterwards and swear to myself that I won't do it anymore. I know deep inside I am a good person and I now want to understand what makes me start up gain. I also care about helping others so they won't have to go through what I've been through. I have been too ashamed to ever tell any of my counselors or therapists over the years. It has been a horrible secret, but actually I feel a sense of relief that it’s now out in open.

As a result of my arrest yesterday I started researching about Shoplifting, and have since learned that it can be a psychological disorder and another form of addiction. I just never thought of it as addiction because I thought I had it under control and could stop. It makes since to me now because it’s truly another kind of self-destructive behavior that sadly, in my past I was accustomed too. I have scheduled appointment next week with my psychiatrist who has been treating for my Chronic PTSD. I plan to do everything possible to address and overcome this very immoral and costly (to you & consumers) form of addiction.

After I was caught I received a CIVIL DEMAND to pay $200 plus $26.97 for the lipsticks. A policeman came & gave me a citation to appear in court on August 15, 2005. I wasn't jailed & allowed to leave but never to come back.

What I would like to know if its still possible for the grocery store to drop the charges if they wanted to?

Do you think writing a letter would make any difference?

I have been unemployed since July 2004. It’s been very hard for me to find a job in my field in this college town. If this goes on my record it will make it even harder to find any job. I know that I should have thought of this before making the choice to shoplift from your store. This is my first offense, and again I plan to do what ever it takes to overcome this and make things right. I am so sorry and humiliated, and two of the worst things that came out of this were; seeing the faces of your employees (that I’ve grown to know & recognize over the years), and being banned from shopping at the store forever.

It will always be a daily reminder because this store has been my favorite grocery store since I‘ve moved here, and something I will always regret as a consequence of my most shameful, costly and despicable action.

Thank you so much for your time.
Rockyj