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  1. #1
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    Exclamation Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Indiana

    My question involves a parent has not seen his child in over 12 years.

    My husband had a child out of wedlock about 16 years ago, he had visited the child for the first 2 or 3 years, he was friends with the woman who had the child but they were not in a relationship, one day he went to her home to visit and she was gone, had moved out, left no word of where she was going. He looked for her and the child for a while but didn't find her and she never contacted him from that point on.

    Today I wake up to court papers shoved in my door. She's pursuing him for support, wants to establish paternity.

    I'm going to assume that he has no recourse here despite the fact that she attempted to and has successfully kept the child away from him and didn't care to contact him or ask for support years ago even though she knew where he was and could easily find him. There is no bond there, no relationship, this is a money grab plain and simple.

    We don't know how to handle this. Does anyone have experience with this? Beyond getting a lawyer is there anything we should be doing?

  2. #2
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    Oct 2016
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    He can hope that the DNA test will show he's not the father.

    But yes he needs a lawyer.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting SoFedUp
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Indiana

    My question involves a parent has not seen his child in over 12 years.

    My husband had a child out of wedlock about 16 years ago, he had visited the child for the first 2 or 3 years, he was friends with the woman who had the child but they were not in a relationship, one day he went to her home to visit and she was gone, had moved out, left no word of where she was going. He looked for her and the child for a while but didn't find her and she never contacted him from that point on.
    So he gave up.

    Today I wake up to court papers shoved in my door. She's pursuing him for support, wants to establish paternity.

    I'm going to assume that he has no recourse here despite the fact that she attempted to and has successfully kept the child away from him and didn't care to contact him or ask for support years ago even though she knew where he was and could easily find him. There is no bond there, no relationship, this is a money grab plain and simple.
    Yeah, because it's not like a child deserves to be supported by both parents, right?

    We don't know how to handle this. Does anyone have experience with this? Beyond getting a lawyer is there anything we should be doing?
    Nope, there's nothing at all that "we" should be doing. As indicated above, your husband should speak to an attorney.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2018
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting SoFedUp
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    Does anyone have experience with this? Beyond getting a lawyer is there anything we should be doing?
    Yes and no.

    The worst case, and probably most likely, scenario (assuming a DNA test proves that he is the father) is that he'll only be on the hook for child support for a couple years.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    So he gave up.

    Yeah, because it's not like a child deserves to be supported by both parents, right?

    Nope, there's nothing at all that "we" should be doing. As indicated above, your husband should speak to an attorney.

    He was paying her and buying his clothes and diapers and visiting him despite not knowing for sure if the child was his, paternity was never established. She didn't want to establish anything through the courts. She decided to pick up and leave, she made the conscious decision to interfere with his ability to see his supposed child, and now that she's broke or on welfare she wants money.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting SoFedUp
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    He was paying her and buying his clothes and diapers and visiting him despite not knowing for sure if the child was his, paternity was never established. She didn't want to establish anything through the courts. She decided to pick up and leave, she made the conscious decision to interfere with his ability to see his supposed child, and now that she's broke or on welfare she wants money.
    Right - your valiant husband decided to just give up and move on to start a new family.
    If the lady is now out of work and, thus, broke (or even on welfare), then it's understandable that she'd want help from the child's father in supporting his own child.
    You're going to have to take the blinders off here - your husband gave up on his child. Granted, it may turn out that the girl is NOT his child, but he obviously felt that she was his child for many years...


    To add to this: The girl was born in the internet age. I don't believe for one second that your husband didn't have the ability to figure out his various options in this matter 13 years ago (and neither should you).

  7. #7
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting SoFedUp
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Indiana

    My question involves a parent has not seen his child in over 12 years.

    My husband had a child out of wedlock about 16 years ago, he had visited the child for the first 2 or 3 years, he was friends with the woman who had the child but they were not in a relationship, one day he went to her home to visit and she was gone, had moved out, left no word of where she was going. He looked for her and the child for a while but didn't find her and she never contacted him from that point on.

    Today I wake up to court papers shoved in my door. She's pursuing him for support, wants to establish paternity.

    I'm going to assume that he has no recourse here despite the fact that she attempted to and has successfully kept the child away from him and didn't care to contact him or ask for support years ago even though she knew where he was and could easily find him. There is no bond there, no relationship, this is a money grab plain and simple.

    We don't know how to handle this. Does anyone have experience with this? Beyond getting a lawyer is there anything we should be doing?
    You do understand that if the mother found it necessary to apply for any kind of welfare benefits (which is happening to a lot of people right now) that the state forces her to file to establish paternity and child support? Are you aware, that if she is receiving benefits that the state keeps the child support money rather than it going to the mother, as a reimbursement for the benefits?

    It is pretty unlikely that this is a "money grab plain and simple". Your husband might not want to waste money on an attorney. If the test shows that he is the father, he WILL be paying child support.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Your husband might not want to waste money on an attorney. If the test shows that he is the father, he WILL be paying child support.
    Further to this, it really depends on the results of the DNA test. It can't hurt to have a consultation with an attorney or three for him to figure out what options he has (if any) in the various scenarios that could play out.

  9. #9
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    Further to this, it really depends on the results of the DNA test. It can't hurt to have a consultation with an attorney or three for him to figure out what options he has (if any) in the various scenarios that could play out.
    I just don't want him to waste his money, unnecessarily. I do agree that a 30 minute consult wouldn't be a waste however, if he is the father he will be paying support. If he is not the father he won't be paying support. It is pretty cut and dried. He is also only going to be paying support for a couple of years, so even if an attorney could somehow contrive to make the amount smaller than what the state would calculate, it might not save enough money to cover the attorney's fee, let alone anything else.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    I just don't want him to waste his money, unnecessarily. I do agree that a 30 minute consult wouldn't be a waste however, if he is the father he will be paying support. If he is not the father he won't be paying support. It is pretty cut and dried. He is also only going to be paying support for a couple of years, so even if an attorney could somehow contrive to make the amount smaller than what the state would calculate, it might not save enough money to cover the attorney's fee, let alone anything else.
    Fair enough.
    Since we're not dealing with one of the (legally) involved parties, there are other considerations. It's possible that the guy signed a paternity affidavit and the wife just doesn't know about it.

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